Between Two Worlds

CHAPTER 17 - Crossroads

Those weeks after the discussion with Ava were a matter of emotional whirlwind, and my thoughts were filled with the hope to reconnect and revive what has remained of what we once had been. For me, this was a matter of fine balance between what I had with Ava and what I now have with Jess.

One evening, Jess and I sat on her couch, perusing through old photos from the time we spent together. We both laughed at foolish memories. Yet, I felt that weight pressing down upon me. I knew I had to let Jess know my feelings were toward Ava.
"Hey, can I talk to you about something?" I said, my heart pounding.

Of course," Jess said, her smile a little subdued as she felt the gravity of my voice.

"It's about Ava," I began, low and serious, with some tension entering the room. "She wants to get back together."

Jess's expression shifted a little, with surprise and concern crossing her face. "And how do you feel about that?

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I don't know. I care about her, but I also really like what we have. I don't want to hurt you."

Jess's brow furrowed. "What does Ava want? Is she still with Jake?"

"Her parents are pushing her toward him," I explained, frustration bubbling up. "But she said she wants to try again with me. It's complicated."

Jess looked reflective. "Have you told her that you are now with someone else? That it is no longer just about her anymore?"

"No, I haven't," I said, trying to look away so I would not break down into tears. "I'm still trying to figure out what I want. I don't want to hurt anyone.".

"Perhaps you need to get clear with both of you," Jess offered kindly. "You deserve to be happy, Mia. But you can't keep holding onto the past if you want to build something real with me."

Her words dangled there in the air, and I knew she was right. I took a deep breath. "I'll talk to Ava.".

I texted Ava that day, asking her to meet up; anxiety was suffocating me as I walked toward the café. It wasn't easy for me to open my mouth and say that I do not feel anything anymore for her. But this needed to be said.

When I went in, Ava was already in the cafe, her face showing glimmers of hope. "Thanks for coming," she said when she spotted me, her eyes shining a little.

"Of course," I smiled at her. "We have to talk about us.".

Ava softened and nodded. "I know. I've been thinking a lot about everything. My parents want me to be with Jake, but I just can't get you out of my head."

Feeling a pang of pity for her and then emotionally bearing down on my own reality, I said, "Ava, I care about you. But I'm with Jess now, and I really like her.".

Ava's face fell, and I hated seeing that look. "You're serious?"

"I am," I said softly. "Jess is special to me. I don't want to hurt her, but I also don't want to ignore what we had."

"But what if I can't let go of you?" Ava asked, desperation creeping into her voice. "What if I want to fight for us?

The emotional tug-of-war inside me grew: "Ava, I cannot ask Jess to give up on me. I do not want to be the one who keeps the two of you hanging on in the balance."

Her eyes were overflowing with tears. "So, you're just going to let me go?

It's not that easy," I said, breaking my own heart. "You have to tell your parents what's going through your head. If you truly want to be with me, make that decision. But right now, I am with Jess, and I just can't walk away from her."

Ava took a deep breath, her resolve wavering. "I just thought. after everything we shared, there might still be a chance.".

"There could be," I said carefully. "But it can't be because of the cost of other people's feelings. I won't do that to Jess. You deserve to be happy too, even if it's not with me."

The silence between us was full of unsaid words, and the weight of our shared history hung in the air. "I don't know if I can just let you go," Ava said finally, her voice almost a whisper.

I lay out on the table, putting her hand in mine. "You have to try, Ava. You deserve to be with somebody who can give you his whole heart, not someone divided."
Tears poured down her face and my aching heart felt for her. "I'll talk to my parents," she said finally, determination flickering in her eyes. "But it is going to be hard.".

"I know," I said squeezing her hand "But you are strong. You can do this."

As we were saying our goodbyes, I was feeling that bittersweet feeling. Ava was at her own crossroad, and I myself was between two roads. I knew I had to take more care of Jess, but a part of me couldn't let go of what was special with Ava.

That is when I walked back to Jess's dorm. She was sitting on the couch, going through her phone. "So, how did it go?" she asked her, looking up eagerly.

"It was. complicated," I said as I sat beside her. "Ava wants to fight for us, but I told her that I am with you."

Jess relaxed, though her eyes seemed worried. "And how do you feel about that?

"I want to be with you, Jess," I said, voice steady. "But I don't want to ignore what Ava is feeling either."

Jess nodded, her gaze thoughtful. "Just be honest with both of us, okay? I don't want you to feel trapped. You deserve to figure this out for yourself."

I felt grateful for her understanding and took her hand. "Thank you for being so patient with me."

Always, she said, giving me a squeeze back.

Settled into silence and knowing the road that lay before me would be far from easy, for the first time in a very, very long time, I felt a small sense of hope for the future and Ava's. I would find a way forward, even if it meant making some pretty tough choices.