Between Two Worlds

CHAPTER 22 - Crossroads of the Heart

The morning light pours in through the window and casts a golden glow over the chaos of Jess's dorm room. I sit on the edge of her bed, still bearing the weight of emotions from the crazy night before. Jess paces back and forth, frustration manifesting on her face.

"I don't understand, Mia!" Jess yelled, running her hand through her hair. "You and Ava... what were you thinking? You kissed her! You knew how I felt about you!"

"I know, I know!" I fired back, my frustration rising to the surface. "But this just happened, Jess! We were lost in the woods, everything was just so intense... I didn't plan it!"

Jess stopped pacing, stared at me with hurt anger. "You didn't think about how that would affect me? Or how it would complicate things?"

"I didn't want to complicate things! I was just trying to figure out my own feelings!" I exclaimed hotly, launching into a crescendo. "And then you come in, and everything feels so different. I didn't ask for this mess!

"You think I asked for it either?" Jess retorted, with a fiery scorch in her eyes. "I was just trying to be there for you, and now I feel like I'm losing you to her!"

"Losing me? I'm right here!" I stated, feeling a touch of sadness and anger. "But I can't just turn a blind eye to how I feel about Ava. That's not fair to either of you!"

Jess's expression shifted, and that look was there, in her eyes. "So what am I supposed to say? You want to be with Ava?" Just like that?"
"How would I know, Jess!" My voice whispered softly. "I just know that kissing her felt. real. Something I haven't felt in ages. But I care for you, and I don't wanna hurt you!

A heavy silence descended between us, the weight of our words suspended in the air. Jess's arms had crossed herself, and she cast her eyes down to the floor. "So what do we do now?" she finally asked.

"I don't know," I shrugged, feeling adrift. "But I can't keep pretending like I'm neutral on this one. You have to understand that.

Jess's face flashed with vulnerability across her features. "And I'm in love with you, Mia. This is not some passing phase for me."

I took a step closer. The tension between us was crackling, popping like live electricity. "I know that," I said, my voice thick with emotion. "And I care about you so deeply. But right now, I just don't know."

"Perhaps you need to figure out what you really want," Jess said softly. "But please, don't shut me out. I don't want to lose you."

Before I could say anything else, waves of emotions—anger and confusion and this strange pang of longing—rushed through me. "I just need some time, Jess. I need to clear my head."

With that, I turned my back on her and slipped out of her dorm room. I needed air to breathe. Life was filling the campus again; students returned from the weekend, but the person in my head made me feel like nobody was thinking about this.

I made my way to a quiet spot on campus, heart racing as I replayed this argument with Jess. Part of me felt like I was torn in two, between the undeniable chemistry I had with Ava and the deep connection I'd forged with Jess.

Finally, I collapsed onto a bench for a few moments, burying my face into my hands, hating how I was feeling, so chaotic.

Just then, I heard a soft voice behind me. "Mia?"

I looked up and saw Ava standing there, her face a mixture of concern and curiosity. "Hey... I saw you walking away. Is everything okay?"

It's not your fault," I told her, feeling the weight of my sentiments for both girls upon me. "I didn't know things were this complicated until they just happened."

Ava took another step closer, her eyes searching mine. "I care about you, Mia. What we shared. it meant something to me.".

"I felt it too," I admitted, my heart racing. "But I also don't want to hurt Jess. She has been there for me through so much."

"I see that," Ava said softly. "But you have to follow your heart. You can't live for someone else's feelings. You deserve to be happy."

"Do you really think that?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Of course," Ava replied, her eyes sparkling with truth. "But you have to figure out what that means for you. I want you to choose what's best for you, not what's convenient."

That was the moment when everything became crystal clear for me. "I need to talk to Jess," I declared, growing firm in determination.

"Okay, but don't ignore how you feel," Ava urged. "Be honest with her, and with yourself."

I straightened up my back from the chair as the tangle of emotions was settled to be confronted. I felt that I could not run any longer; in fact, there was a need to embrace them in all complexity, no matter how complicated things might get.

And taking another glance at Ava, I turned and headed for the dorm room belonging to Jess knowing that whatever lay in the immediate future; I'd have to get hit right over the head with it because I couldn't face it clearly, but the fact was, now I knew I was ready to find my way out of the mess that lay ahead.

I entered Jess's room again, my heart was aching for all the things I had to say. I tapped the door softly, then she opened it, expression changing from angry to concerned.

"Mia," she said soft, low. "I am sorry for what happened before. I just..."

"I know," I said, steadying myself inside. "But we have to talk about everything that happened."

"Okay," Jess said, her tensed shoulders relax slightly. "Let's talk."

It was as if the air in that room was thick with those unwritten words. "I didn't mean to hurt you," I began. "But how could I not be true to what I feel for Ava? It's confusing because I also love you, but I need you to know that that kiss meant something to me.".

Jess looked at me, softening her face. "It hurts me to listen to this, Mia. I like you. I thought we were creating something special."

"We were," I said, regret piercing my heart. "But I didn't know how deep I was feeling for Ava until that moment in the woods. And I can't pretend it doesn't happen.".

"I wish you would've told me sooner," Jess replied, sadness resonating in her voice. "I thought we were on the same page."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I thought I was too," but now I have to figure this out. I need to be honest with both of you.

Deal, my love," Jess said softly, her eyes spilling tears she fought hard against. "Just promise me you won't shut me out. I care too much to let this happen between us."

"I promise, my love," I whispered softly into her shoulder. "No matter what happens, I want you in my life.".

We sat there silently for a while, digesting our conversation. I was filled with the depth of relief and sorrow simultaneously: things were uncertain but, ah, that feeling was what had made me realize I finally took that first step toward honesty. The way ahead was still dark, but I was ready to walk one step at a time.