Between Two Worlds

CHAPTER 11 - Shattered Reflections

Days turned into weeks, and no word came from Ava. I sent text after text for something-a yes or a no-but my phone stayed ominously silent. Anticipation that once filled me with excitement now climbed up my spine as fear. Classes and hanging out with Jess and Ethan kept me so busy, but the ache of uncertainty burrowed into every waking moment.

With every glance my phone, I had another wave of anxiety. I would never stop playing the last conversation: "We'll work on figuring out our feelings." I held onto the hope because with every passing day it was only more of a cruel joke. It hung over everything like a shadow.

As the semester had ended, I really wanted to go back home to Willow Creek. Perhaps being in that place would help me clear up things better. Jess and Ethan promised to come and see me, but first of all, I needed some time alone, thinking about everything.

It is the day when I will arrive; bittersweet nostalgia hugs me like a comfy old blanket. I walk down the old streets letting all the memories engulf me, but then, as I proceed towards Ava's house, the weight of her absence felt like an anchor-pulling me down.

This evening, sitting on my father's porch, I looked up to see something that I would not have expected whatever—a familiar figure on the balcony of Ava's house. I froze in the moment. My heart was racing. It was her. And besides her stood Jake, laughing, his carefree demeanor lighting up the night.

My stomach churned at the sight of them like a sick feeling, intruder in a scene I did not belong in. They shared a moment that had the kind of intimacy and warmth for my perspective, and a rush of bitterness crept up on me. Then, time stopped-and suspended in that space, I watched as Jake leaned in to kiss Ava on the lips.

Everything around me broke into smithereens. My blurred vision created a blurry world as I stumbled back, drawn away by the pained view. Unreal. Had to be the last hit that had sealed whatever was left of hope I had momentarily grasped on. Tears obscured my eyesight and I look away, with a heavy, crushing feeling that was settling around my chest.

I went back to Grandview, but the drive became a nightmare. The thoughts tumbling into my mind were chaos and darkness. None seemed to escape the image of Ava and Jake laughing together, sharing a moment I wished for ages ago. I was utterly alone.

Once I reached my father's house, I locked myself in my room. The silence felt deafening. And so I picked up my phone, my fingers only shaking as I opened Ava's number. For a moment, I hesitated, but the wave of pain slammed into me like a tidal wave. I blocked her number, a decisive move that, at the same time, relieved and broke me.

I sat down on my bed, my face streaming with tears, heart coursing with rage and pain; it felt raw, exposed-the sight of it, and I couldn't bear it anymore. I stormed through my room, angry and miserable, gathered all those music sheets I'd written about Ava, all the songs holding our moments, our hopes, our dreams-then hurled them all into that small pile.

It was as if the lighter had come out to dance with the flames around the pages, consuming everything I had once poured my heart into. I sat there, watching as the flame flared with each curled note disappearing into ash as it took away my beautiful dreams that I held on to.

I felt hollow inside; a cave of loss, as the final bits burned off. Where the music once was a symbol of that connection we used to share, it melted into strands of smoke and embers. Silence was all that remained.

I lay in my bed, feeling broken utterly. I had lost Ava, but with her, I lost myself too. And as I shut my eyes, the tears fall, and I let go of this weight on my heart, the waves of sorrow crashing over me like waves of heavy thud, miles away, the shadows of love alone in the dark.

The next morning, I was a ghost in my life. The sun was streaming through the window as I gazed at the ashes and burning fragments of my beautiful sheets of music spread on the floor. It was all rather strange-certainly, like watching somebody else's tragedy unravel.

I dragged myself out of bed, the weight of despair clinging to my shoulders. I could not stop my mind from skittering back to Ava, her laughter mingling with Jake's, the image of their kiss seared in my mind. It was as if this was a joke by destiny telling me that it had taken this away from me.

Days slipped by in a haze of routine, but I wasn't really attending classes; there was no motivation to do so. Ethan and Jess weren't exactly cheerful about my withdrawal, but nothing they did could warm the cold, hollow space Ava had made in me. Throwing myself into schoolwork, I tried to drown out emotions with mountains of assignments, but nothing seemed to ease that feeling.

Whenever my phone buzzed, my heart would jump, and then misery would crash down on me all over again because it wasn't Ava's name displayed on the screen. I realized that I must have blocked her, trying to shield myself from further pain, but the quietness sounded deafening. It was like being stuck in limbo, waiting for something that never comes back.

One evening, after wandering around my room in a trance, staring blankly at the empty wall opposite, I reached for the cell phone lying on my desk-an SMS from Jess. Hey are you coming to the campus holiday party?

I stared, my fingers suspended over the keyboard. I was in no mood to celebrate anything. But I knew Jess would nag till I replied. I typed out, I guess I'll be there.

Finally, the party night had arrived. I ended up inside a crowded campus hall swimming in a storm of laughter and music dizzied me. I spotted Jess and Ethan near the snacks table, and waded through the crowd towards them, forced to paste a smile on my face as I moved.

"Mia! You came!" Jess cried, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

Yeah, thought I'd give it a shot, I said trying to sound cheerful.

The night was still young, yet I felt alienated in a way. Couples were dancing, and friends were chatting-their euphoria contrasting diametrically opposite with the experience I was going through. I tried to be a part of this conversation; though my heart wasn't really in it.

Just suddenly, a door swung open and a cold gust swept the air in the room. I caught my breath in my throat as I turned to see who had entered the room. And there she was—Ava. She looked radiant, with her hair tumbling down about her shoulders, her face aglow with a smile. And she's not alone; by her side is Jake, a student from Grandview, casually hugging her waist.

The scene brought a new tide of despair washing over me. I turned my face away sharply, not wanting to be a hindrance to their happy reunion. Jess caught the shift in me and tracked my eyes. "Hey, you okay?" she asked, wrinkling her eyebrows in worry.

"Yeah, just. I need some air," I mumbled into the smile that struggled to get to my eyes.

I slipped outside, feeling the cooler night air nipping at my skin. I took deep breaths, endeavoring to feel solid in this moment. Each inhale, however, was weighed down with unresolved feelings toward Ava.

Minutes passed, and I could feel footsteps behind me. I flipped around to see Ethan's form right behind me, concern etched on his face. "Mia, what's going on?" he whispered softly to me.

I hesitated, my heart pounding. "It's just. I didn't expect to see her here," I admitted, my voice trembling.

"It's really that hard?" Ethan asked softly. "You know you still have a chance to talk to her."

"No, I don't," I snapped back, frustration bubbling up. "She's with Jake now. It's over.".

Ethan looked thoughtful. Those next words were, in their way, precious. "But did you ever really get a chance to say how you feel? To her? Or even to yourself?

His words carried the pain of realization. For it was the truth, after all: I never actually confessed to him the things that seemed to reverberate in my heart. I held on to him as an abstraction, would never fully step into the light of honesty and the truth. "I don't even know if it matters anymore," I said, speaking in hardly a whisper.

"I don't know, maybe it does," Ethan replied softly. "You owe it to yourself, at least, to find out.".

I stood there, steeping in his words. Night air was charged with an unseen tension, and it pressed on me urgently. Looking back over my shoulder toward the door leading inside, where laughter echoed with reminiscence that I couldn't push from my mind.

"I won't be able to keep doing this," I said, half to myself and half to Ethan. "I need to know if what we had was real. Or if it's just a fleeting moment."
Ethan nodded, understanding. "Then go talk to her. Now."

I inhaled and, with it, determination began to stir within me. Maybe I had been too afraid, too broken by the pain to face the truth. But if I did not take this chance now, I would always be left wondering what could have been.

Pushing myself back inside with the heart to beat overtime, I quickly scanned the crowd. Ava stood near the throng of dancing people, huddled by the side of Jake. There, emotions bubbled to a ride inside me; fear, hope, and dread thronged inside my heart. But my fear was not going to win today.

As I approached them, I steeled myself and stepped forward to face the shadows in my heart. Ava saw me first, her smile faltering for just a moment as realization dawned on her. "Mia!" she said, her voice full of surprise and uncertainty.

"Hey," I managed to say in a firm voice despite the whirlwind inside me, "can we talk?".

Ava's eyes flicked toward Jake, and for a split second, I caught a glimpse of outright hesitation in her eyes. "Uh, yeah, sure. Just a sec," she said, backing away from Jake.

We wove through the room, seeking the quieter corner with as few prying eyes as possible. It was serious-it felt momentous, full of both anticipation and tension.

"What is it?" Ava asked, the wariness still simmering beneath her voice.

"I've wanted to talk to you, finally," I ventured, all the things I wanted to say pressing against my chest, suffocating me. "I have missed you ... a lot. And I need to know where we stand."

Ava's expression shifted, her vulnerability shining through. "Mia, I—"

But before she could say a word more, Jake came up behind her, his possessive hand on her shoulder. "You two okay?" he asked, his voice light but charged with a touch of tension.

I swallowed hard as the moment of truth slipped through my fingers. But when I glanced over at Ava, I saw the uncertainty in her eyes—a reflection of my own.

"I just wanted to make sure Ava was alright," I said, my voice steady.

He nodded, though I could feel the defensive instinct quivering just beneath his skin. "We're good. Just catching up."

Ava's eyes flickered between us, and I could feel the unspoken words stretching between us, like a heavy chain tied with irretrievable knots. I wanted to reach out, bridge the gap that had grown between us, but Jake's presence was a strain.

"I should get going," I said, my voice dripping with disappointment. "But Ava, let's talk soon?"

Her expression softened, and I could see the flicker of hope behind them. "Yeah, I'd like that."

I turned to leave, my heart heavy with unresolved tension. I couldn't shake the feeling that something had shifted, that the door was still open—but only if I could muster the strength to walk through it.

With each step back, I was torn apart, feeling a knot of heartbreak and determination twist inside of me.