This is gonna be a mess of a story. Sort of like diary entries that I still have lying around in notebooks or docs. So yeah, welcome to my diary?
About Sophia. It's a long, messy story. I want to express my love and feel heard, even if I'm not heard at all. So before any poems or letters or anything of the sort go out, we need to start from the very beginning.
Sophia and I were best friends starting at the very first grade. I can't remember a time I ever left her side. I was just a kid, so I had no idea that it was ever love that I felt for her. I was too wrapped up with this guy I didn't actually like to notice the different preference that my heart had.
Though it wasn't really until we started 5th grade that the oblivious plans began. We'd talk about our future, how we just had to live with each other. Stay together forever. Get a few cats, live in a cute pink apartment and cuddle every day. Share a bed. We hadn't discovered that we actually liked each other, as more than friends, for a good while.
A year later, I'm talking to some random guy online. He's a jerk. But we're dating, I guess. When I talk about wanting to leave him but feeling bad, Sophia confesses. Says she really likes me and I should date her instead. Says she'll treat me better.
She did. She really, really did. And god, how I wish she would treat me like that again.
But then she gets scared. Says her mom don't want her dating, and that it's worse because of their religion. I let her breakup with me understanding. We stayed friends, but of course it's never just friendship between the two of us. We start dating again, and the second time she calls it off I get mad. I ignore her and talk a bunch of crap I never meant. We make up again, and for a while I date this girl who was just as weird as me. I still wanted Sophia, though. I always wanted Sophia.
Yada fucking yada, this might be rather boring to all of you; We're entering middle school now. Of course, over the summer we've been flirting and texting and we're back together. I wanted to write her love letters every single day; her mom pulls her out of school barely weeks in. God, what a fucking wreck I was. 'Bout as wrecked as the titanic.
One magical day, this moment straight out of a romance novel, Sophia's back in school. Every detail of this moment is written out in one of these chapters-- Anyway, that doesn't very long. Her mom pulls her out again.
I keep saying I'm over here. But clearly, I'm not. As I type this, there are 31 entries that have been collected over the past few years. I couldn't find all of them, and some have rather big gaps between. But to anyone reading this, I just wanna say thanks. This really is a weight off of my chest. Even if I'm currently talking to a wall. Thanks, wall!
Moreover, our story is a lot. Way too much to be described in one single chapter. So, I welcome anyone who's stayed this long to dive in. And though I doubt she's here, that she will ever find this, I just want to say;
I still love you very, very much, Sophia.
Enjoy the pourings of my heart. It's a lot.
