I hate how much I love her. I hate the way she makes me feel. I hate it all so much. I hate it because I know I can never have her.
Her mom hates me. I haven't seen Sophia in months, though it felt like years. Every now and then, I spot her in some public space. If her mom isn't around, I never hesitate to wave.
The last time I saw her was at the store. I recognized her immediately, my heart skipping a beat as I felt my body start to shake. Every time I saw her, she always had that same effect on me.
When she saw me, she smiled. Her smile was so bright and pretty. Everything about her was gorgeous.
But that only added to the pain. I can't have her to myself. Maybe if I wait long enough.. she'll finally see it. She'll finally see how much love my heart carries for her. How much I ache when I can't be with her. And maybe she might finally love me again.
I can't help but hope. Hoping is all I can do. I dream of her day and night, wishing all my fantasies were real. I just want to hold her close and talk about random things. I want our hands to be intertwined as we lay on my floor with the biggest of smiles on our faces.
I know that I can make her happy. I can make her the happiest person alive. Unfortunately, she doesn't notice that anymore. Her mom scared her away. Sophia would still love me if it weren't for Tina.
I love Sophia so much. It's painful sometimes. Feeling the warmth taking over my chest knowing there is no way I can let out my strong emotions for her. I don't wanna ruin our friendship. She has a boyfriend, yet I'm still so madly in love with her.
I'm starting to find this as an issue. Is it really okay to love someone for years, even when you know they don't reciprocate your feelings? Is it healthy?
Probably not. I can't stop loving her. All I want is her. I want her to be mine forever. I want her to be the one I marry. The one I spend the rest of my life with. She completes me. With her, I would be happy forever. She's all I want.
I just wanna see her again. I want to pull her in by the waist and give her a long hug. She deserves one. I want her to lay in my lap as I play with her hair. I want her in my bed, holding me close as I rant on about how much I love her personality and beauty.
Sophia is the reason the word perfect exists.
I just hope that one day me and her will be able to have our future together. One day I'll be able to call her mine, and she will belong to me. One day we'll be standing in gowns face to face as we share vows. One day she'll be mine.
I don't think this is okay. Isabella tells me to give up. Isabella thinks I'm weird, hopeless, stupid. She thinks it's pathetic that I still want Sophia to be the one.
I agree. It is pathetic and stupid, and incredibly hopeless to feel these feelings. Sophia hasn't told me "I love you" in two years. Platonic is all she seems to see my feelings as. But my intentions are further than Platonic could ever be. I want her to myself so badly. I want her to know that I'm really all she needs. I can give her all the love and affection she claims she craves every day. I'd be giving her kisses and hugs every day I can, telling her "I love you" and sending daily paragraphs to her talking about how deep my love for her is.
I can't help but love her. She's becoming an unhealthy obsession constantly finding a way to my mind. This love I feel for her stopped being normal three years ago. I can't help it. It won't stop. No matter how many times I claim I'm over Sophia, it'll never be true. I can never stop loving her. I don't really want to stop loving her. I want her to love me too. I want the future we promised each other. I can't help but feel like she's the one for me. She's my other half. She's my soulmate. It sounds insanely cheesy and cliche, but the way she makes me feel is just unexplainable.
I never expected my feelings for her to become something like this. I never expected myself to become so caught up on her. Yet here I am unable to do anything but think about her. Laying in bed and typing away at my crappy little phone. Ranting and probably repeating things about Sophia.
I love Sophia so fucking much
