"Dear Diary... I am confused as Wang Yin and I's wedding day approaches, which is set for when my dad gets back from the US. I love Lan Wangji but I can't ignore the guilt about hurting Wangyin, who's always been so good to me right from the start."
Nana Shuyi and Wen Qing are not there right now, they went to church together. Zhan did not go with them, claiming he had a headache. The truth is that he is not comfortable hanging out with people connected to Wei Wuxian's time.
At university, he found the teaching approach enjoyable, but it could be pretty overwhelming. There are moments when he felt anxious and scared. In those instances, it felt like he wasn't really himself anymore and it was Wuxian who was speaking and acting.
He wants to find the way... a way to go back to his own timeline. But no matter what he tries, and nothing seems to work. He still finds himself stuck here, so he diligently writes in the diary about his daily life. The only reason he didn't get hysterical and not losing his mind was because of Lan Wangji. Over time, his feelings for Lan Wangji have grown deeper, and that's what really makes him scared.
Zhan couldn't shake the fear that he might not want to leave this timeline.
"Xian..."
Zhan stopped clearing away dry leaves from the balcony garden and turned to see Lan Wangji at the door holding a canvas, his eyes filled with awe.
"Oh Wangji, hi," Zhan smiled nervously. His heart was thumping wildly at the sight of him.
"Seriously, what are you wearing?" Lan Wangji's eyes roamed over Zhan, his initial surprise turned into desire.
Zhan gasped. As soon as Nana Shuyi and Wen Qing stepped out, he quickly changed into his comfy shorts and a loose shirt.
Lan Wangji set the canvas down beside the plant, but his eyes never left Zhan. He walked over slowly, and Zhan instinctively did the same, as if caught in a trance. "Oh my God, Sweetheart!" Lan Wangji whispered as they reached each other in the middle of the balcony, he pulled Zhan close and wrapped him in a warm embrace. "I love you... I love you...." Then, Lan Wangji's lips hungrily captured Zhan's.
"Wangji..." Zhan whispered against Lan Wangji's lips, returning the kiss with just as much passion.
"You are mine, Sweetheart, you belong to me, " Lan Wangji breathed when he let go of Zhan's lips. "You are mine..." He showered Zhan with tender kisses on his forehead,... on his temple... on the top of his ear. "I will not allow you to marry someone else..."
"Yes, Wangji! Yes!" Zhan cried passionately.
Lan Wangji gently held Zhan's face, his deep brown eyes piercing through to him. "Come with me to the island, Sweetheart. Let's run away together. Come with me..."
Zhan appeared to snap out of a daze, breaking free from Lan Wangji's hold and heading to the balcony railing. "I-I'm so worried and scared, Wangji..."
Lan Wangji approached and gently grabbed Zhan's shoulders from behind, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head. (In this story, Lan Wangji and Wang Yibo are 3 inches taller than Wuxian and Xiao Zhan)
"You don't have to feel that way. I'll take care of you, Xian. Always... in every way I can."
Oh, God! Zhan closed his eyes and leaned his back against Lan Wangji's chest, feeling the weight of the moment. What's he supposed to do now? What can he even say? Who is he really? Is the fate of everyone's future resting on his shoulders?
