𝗗𝗘𝗦𝗜𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗛𝗘𝗥

𝘚𝘜𝘕𝘎𝘏𝘖𝘖𝘕 𝘖𝘙 𝘙𝘜𝘒𝘈

RITA

Sunghoon or Ruka?

Sunghoon or Ruka?

Sunghoon or Ruka?

Sunghoon or Ruka?

Both names were on constant rotation in my mind. Along with Ruka's decision to put me on a clock.

Ruka was an arrogant son of a bitch but that was one of the things I admired about her.

Not many people could come up to a married woman and ask to spend a night with her. Swinger club or not.

I was outside of my apartment pacing back and forth in my fabulous shoes. My feet ached but I couldn't face Sunghoon until my thoughts were unscrambled.

How was I supposed to choose between two such different people? They were like night and day.

Choosing only one would be like choosing the sun or the moon.

Sunghoon was simple, sweet, romantic, conventional, passive, and ambitious. He was a provider. He valued wealth and stability and family. He supported my career. We knew each other well. He'd been the man in my life for a long time. I chose to spend my life with him. But I couldn't ignore the fact that we both changed over the course of eight years.

Or, was it just me who changed? Even if Sunghoon was capable of forgiving me for my infidelity, for lying to him, would he eventually resent me?

Would we truly be able to move on? Or would this affair be the thing that was left unsaid that would ultimately cause a rift in our relationship one that we couldn't overcome?

Could our relationship ever be rebuilt after such a betrayal?

And if I loved him as much as I claimed to, why was it so easy for me to lie to him?

The only answer I could come up with was my mother?

She did the exact same thing to my dad when I was younger?

Was there a gene embedded in my DNA that was the root of this affair?

Was my subconscious the reason lying to Sunghoon came so easy?

Ruka, on the other hand, was thrilling, spontaneous, mysterious, sexy, dominating, and gruff.

She was the type of woman that I had always been secretly attracted to.
She was the drug that I was too weak to deny. She satisfied me in every way.

She never neglected my needs. She was attentive. She was my something to look forward to. She was my adventure, my dirty little secret, and in many ways my flaw.

From the very beginning we were unavoidable. But not knowing where our relationship would lead was terrifying.

If I chose Lisa what would that mean?

Would we be in a relationship?

Would we be fuck buddies?

If I weren't involved with Sunghoon
would Ruka have found me as appealing?

The reason I believed she became so smitten with me was because she couldn't be with me all the time.

But if we ended up together would she get bored with me?

Would the excitement and the extreme feelings cause our chemistry to wane?
Would Ruka break my heart?

Would I end up with her and discover she was not the woman I thought she was?

Was she even capable of giving me the future I wanted?

On the off chance that Sunghoon could forgive me, and Ruka decided that her feelings for me were in fact genuine,