The past hits

Past

TW SH,suicide
Meredith's POV:

I walked through the hospital, the noise around me blending into a dull hum that I couldn't focus on. I felt like I was floating, disconnected from everything. Someone was calling my name, shouting for me to stop, but I ignored it, pushing forward until I reached my office. I shut the door behind me, locked it, and sat down at my desk. My eyes fell on the ten-blade sitting there, and I stared at it, my mind a swirling mess. I thought about cutting again. The sharp edge called to me, a familiar, twisted comfort.

The knock at the door went unheard, and neither did the soft creak as it swung open.

"Meredith, please say something," Alex's voice cut through the fog, startling me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I flinched, eyes darting up to see him standing in the doorway, his expression filled with concern.

"Mer, I know you didn't stop doing this. You're a mess again because of him. I know it's hard for you, but you need help, Meredith. This isn't normal. You're damaged, and we want to help you, but you're cutting yourself off from everyone since he came back," Alex said, his voice cracking with emotion.

I buried my face in my hands, unable to hold back the tears. I knew I was a mess, but I didn't want help. I could do this on my own.

He stepped forward, wrapping me in his arms, holding me tight as if he could absorb some of my pain. With a firm movement, he took the ten-blade from my desk and threw it across the room.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine. I'll try to get better, okay? But I don't need anyone's help. I can do this, Alex," I said, pulling away from him.

"Mer, okay. But just know that you can talk to us, you know?" he sighed, looking at me with a mix of worry and hope.

"I know... I know, Alex," I said, my voice barely above a whisper as I left my office to respond to the page I'd just received.

Derek's POV:

Something wasn't right. I watched Meredith as she re-entered the ER, her eyes red and puffy. She forced a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. My heart ached at the sight. The man in front of her—Finn—was someone I didn't trust. I knew he'd been bad news before, but now I realized just how much damage he had caused.

Meredith spoke to the team, giving a diagnosis and shouting at an intern who hadn't ordered a CT yet. She left the room without a second glance, her steps shaky. I couldn't let it go. I followed her outside, finding her in a corner, huddled with her hands on her knees, silent tears falling down her cheeks.

"Mer," I said, my voice gentle as I reached out to touch her hair.

"What's going on?" I asked, my fingers brushing her damp strands.

"He... he hurt me. He abused me," she choked out between sobs.

"Oh, Mer," I whispered, my heart shattering as I pulled her into a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"I can page Dr. Bailey, your chief. You don't need to be in his case," I suggested, my voice steady but full of concern.

She nodded, the exhaustion and grief still evident in her eyes. "Thank you, Derek. And... I'm sorry you have to keep seeing me like this. After you left, everything fell apart. It's not better now," she said, a faint, broken laugh escaping her.

"I'm sorry, Meredith. I really am," I said, guilt coloring my words.

"I believe you," she said softly. "But it's not enough. It still hurts like hell, Derek. After everything I've been through, everything you don't know, it's just... not enough."

"Mer, you don't have to be ashamed of any of this. I made you feel this way, and I'm so sorry. But you can talk to me. I want to know what you've been through since I left, okay? We can go to my office or yours—whatever you need," I said, my hand resting on her back, a promise in my touch.

Meredith's POV:

I hesitated. My mind raced, every part of me wanting to say no, to shut down and hide. But he was here, his eyes soft and full of regret, and part of me wanted to believe that he could handle it.

"Okay. Meet me in my office in fifteen minutes," I whispered, and he nodded.

He knocked at the door, and I called out, "Come in."

"So... this is awkward," he said as we stood there, locked in a moment that neither of us wanted to break.

"Yeah," I said with a nervous, shaky laugh.

"Let's sit on the couch, and I'll try to tell you," I said, motioning for him to sit first.

"After you left... I didn't know what to do. I was pregnant, and I could have had an abortion, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't kill my baby," I admitted, my voice cracking.

He nodded, a small smile breaking through. "I know. I saw her today. She looks just like you," he said softly.

"A few weeks later, there was a ferry crash. We had to go to the scene, and the patient had a seizure. Somehow, I fell into the water. I fought... I fought so hard, but then for just a moment, I thought, what's the point? And I let go. I stopped fighting," I said, the tears spilling down my face. He pulled me into his arms, his hand moving over my hair.

"I'm so sorry, Mer," he whispered.

"Alex found me. Christina and the others tried for hours to get me back. After that, I was in therapy, but I quit. I didn't want anyone to know how broken I was... you know how I hate talking about my feelings," I managed a slight smile.

"Yeah... I'm sorry. I never thought about the baby when I left. I just... I don't know what I was thinking," he said, eyes filled with regret.

"Well, after that, everyone thought I lost the baby, but I didn't. Thankfully. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I tried to end my life. I started cutting because I couldn't see another way out," I admitted, my voice barely audible as I looked away, ashamed.

Derek's hand found mine, squeezing it as if to promise he would never let me go again.