Meet Dilemma

Change

I awoke the next morning, ashamed.

I knew I hadn't given him the benefit of the doubt. It was true that he was not Eternity, but I couldn't help but think badly. I was used to it. I had to call him.

It rung once ... no response.
Twice ... three times .

"Please leave a message after the beep ..."

I took a deep breath to prevent myself from crying ...
"I'm sorry, okay? There's so many things I want to say to you ... but sometimes, I feel like it's better off unsaid. I can't explain why I do you the way I do, and when I think about it, there really is no reasonable reason why. Just be there for me."

After I hung up from sending the voicemail, I sent a message to Eternity ... "I cannot feel miserable for YOU or MYSELF anymore".

I pulled myself out of bed, looked in the mirror, and watched a tear roll down my face. This was the only way I could tell if I was alive or dead anymore.

I went into the kitchen to fix myself some breakfast when my mother says to me "You know.... if you keep this up, I'm going to have to check you into a mental hospital". I frowned at her .

"Why, because I cry?"
"Because you cry over nonsense. Like beings who you care so much about and you don't even realize that they don't care about you".

Thanks MOM! Thanks for tearing my dignity to shreds. I walked out of the kitchen and called Journey.

"I need you to come pick me up..."

I stared at that mirror until I heard her and my mother talking in the living room. I saw her standing in my doorway.

"So you're not going to get dressed?"
"What's the use?"

...

She smiled at me like she always did and said "Well let's go!".

We arrived at my bestfriends house at noon.

"Hey Pierce"

He turned and smiled at me.

"Hey Blu," he giggled.

My name is not Blu. That is the name Pierce and Journey call me all the time. Something about looking like a dinosaur in Jurassic World. I didn't care though. These were my bestfriends.

My real name was Hope, not that it matched my life in any kind of way. I always despised my name because no matter what, my situation was always unfortunate, no "hope" in it. My name was the opposite of my life.

...

We were sitting there, listening to Pierce's latest Jersey Club remix, when my phone rings.

I assumed it was him, but it wasnt. It was Eternity's number, flashing on my phone. Usually, I would just ignore it, but today, I felt like I should answer. Even though I had an attitude, I answered the call.

"Did you not get my message? I told you we're done!"
"This is not Eternity!"

I recognized the voice on the other end of the line. It was his mother, nearly drowning in her own tears.

"Mama, what's wrong?"
"HE'S DEAD, HOPE! ETERNITY IS DEAD!"

I fell onto the floor, dropping my heart, my pride, my strength, EVERYTHING. And for that one moment, everything had frozen. Pierce rushed to pick me up from off of the floor.

"WHAT'S WRONG HOPE?"
".... he's dead."