Conflicted Heart (Completed)

Twenty Nine

Yani

60 days. That's how long it's been since Robyn came into my tattoo shop threatening to kill me. That's the day that I took Nia to this secret apartment that Zane had for us. That's also the last day that I have seen Zane. I have not seen Zane in 60 days. It's like he disappeared off the face of the earth. I have no clue what happened to him. I thought after whatever went down with Robyn, he would call or something to let me know he is ok, but he hasn't. I haven't gotten a single text or call from him letting me know that he's alright. I have tried texting and calling him countless times, but I have yet to get an answer or a call back. I have feared the worst at this point. I'm going crazy without him. Not waking up to him every morning is killing me slowly. At least I have my baby girl Nia. She has been surprisingly strong through all of this. I really need to sit her down and talk to her and break to her the possibility that daddy might not be coming home. I want to call the police so bad, but I remember what Zane told me, so I haven't. I just need to know where Zane is, whether it's good or bad. I have been doing my best to keep it together. I still work, but not as many hours as I used to since I have full responsibility of Nia now. Anyway it's Saturday morning and I am fixing breakfast for Nia and I. I am making pancakes and bacon for us. Once I am done cooking, I set the table with our food and drinks. Nia grabs my hand and we say our blessing and then we start to eat.

"Nia....baby girl....I think we need to talk about daddy," I said cautiously.

"What about him? I know he's coming back," Nia said.

"Nia....baby...it's been two months. He hasn't called or anything....I'm not sure if he's ok."

"Oh he's ok trust me."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I feel it....me and daddy are close I know when he's not ok....I was worried in the beginning, but now I feel that he's ok." I look at her strangely and she smiles widely at me. I continue eating my breakfast until I start to feel really nauseous. I excuse myself from the table and I head to the bathroom closing the door behind me. I put up the toilet seat and I throw up everything I just ate and probably my dinner from last night. I flush the toilet two times before I stand up. I wipe my mouth and then I brush my teeth and rinse my mouth with mouthwash. I then look in the mirror as tears fill my eyes. I rest my hands on my stomach gently and I smile to myself. I have a new life growing inside of me; that's right, I'm expecting my first child with Zane. I cannot even explain how damn happy I was when I found out I was pregnant. I've known for about three weeks now and I am six weeks pregnant now. I haven't told anyone yet because it's bittersweet for me. I cannot wait to have this baby, but I cannot imagine raising this baby without my man, Zane. This baby deserves Zane as a father because he is such a damn good one. Tears roll down my cheeks and I quickly wipe them away. I have to stay strong for Nia and this new baby on the way. I won't ever abandon either of them I just really pray that I'm not in this alone. I have been praying every day for a sign that Zane is ok. That's all I need. Every day that I don't hear from Zane it gets harder and harder for me. I don't know how Nia keeps it together so well. She hasn't seen her daddy in two months and she doesn't seem affected by it at all. It's like she knows that he's fine that's why she isn't worried. I hear a knock on the door and I quickly wipe my face. I open the door and I see Nia with a worried look on her face.

"Mommy are you ok?," Nia asked. Wait......what? Did I hear her right? Did she just call me....mommy?

"Nia.....do you know what you just called me?," I asked. Nia looks down and thinks quickly and then looks up at me.

"Yeah....I called you mommy," Nia said sweetly.

"Baby girl....you know you don't have to call me that right?," I said while kneeling down in front of her.

"I know, but I want to. I know I have a mommy in heaven, but you're my mommy here. Isn't that ok?," Nia asked. Tears immediately fill my eyes. Damn these hormones are a motherfucker already.

"Of course it is princess. I would love to have you call me mommy. You're my daughter and I love you so much," I said as tears rolled down my cheeks. Nia smiles and hugs me tightly. I sit down on the floor and Nia sits in my lap as we hug each other tight.

"I love you so much mommy," Nia said.

"I love you too baby girl," I said. Nia pulls out of the embrace and wipes my tears and then kisses my cheek. Nia has really been the one keeping me strong and for her to be so young, I find that amazing. Zane has done an amazing job raising her.

"Mommy why were you throwing up? Are you sick?," Nia asked while rubbing my left arm.

"....Yeah I was a little sick, but I feel better now. Kiara wants to see you today how does that sound?," I asked.

"Oh sounds great!"

"Good...let's finish our breakfast." Nia nods her head and I kiss her cheek and then she stands up and I stand up. She holds my hand as we walk back to the kitchen. She finishes eating, while I just pick at my food. I don't really want to eat right now, since I don't feel the best. Once Nia is done eating, I clean up the kitchen while she takes her bath and gets ready for the day. I then take a quick shower and I get dressed. I put my hair into a high puff and then I go into Nia's bedroom and I see her cute little self all dressed. I put her hair into a high puff as well and then we leave. We are going to meet Kiara at a park so we can just talk and I can let Nia play on the playground. Once we get there, we see Kiara sitting on a free bench.

"Hi Aunty Kiara!," Nia called out while waving. Kiara looks at Nia and I and smiles big. She stands up from the bench and walks over to us.

"Hi pretty girl! Give Aunty a kiss," Kiara said. Kiara leans down and puckers her lips. Nia giggles and pecks Kiara's lips and then they hug each other tightly. Kiara then hugs me tightly.

"Mommy can I go play?," Nia asked.

"Yes sweetheart just make sure you can see me at all times, so that way I can see you. Be careful," I said. Nia nods her head and runs off to the playground. Kiara and I walk to a bench near the playground so I can see Nia playing and we sit down.

"How are you holding up Yani?," Kiara asked instantly.

"Kiara.....I miss him so damn much. I miss him so much it hurts...I just wish he would send a simple text saying "I'm ok" that would calm me down so much. I just hope he's alright," I said while fighting back tears.

"Oh Yani I can't even imagine what you are going through. I don't know how you can stay so strong not knowing how he is doing."

"It's been hard...but Nia....she has been the one that has kept me strong. She makes it so easy to deal with."

"She looks like she is holding up really well. She hasn't seen her daddy in two months, but she seems fine."

"I know and that worries me. I talked to her about this morning and she says she knows Zane is ok. She says she would feel if he isn't."

"Well you know kids intuitions are usually right.....I'm sure Zane is fine. Maybe he just had to lay low for a while to protect you and Nia and even him."

"Maybe you're right....I just really want to see him.....Kiara I need to tell you something."

"Sure boo what is it?"

"Please don't say anything to Nia because I haven't told her yet.....but.....I'm pregnant," I said softly. Kiara's eyes widen in pure shock and she puts a hand over her chest.

"Yani.....are you serious? You're pregnant??," Kiara whispered in shock. I nod my head and Kiara yells out in excitement. I hit her arm and she hugs me tightly.

"Oh my gosh boo congratulations!!!," Kiara exclaimed. She pulls out of the embrace and rubs my stomach and looks at me and smiles.

"How far along are you?," Kiara asked.

"Six weeks now."

"I'm so happy for you. You deserve this! How have you been feeling?"

"Ok....morning sickness has been a bitch lately, but ok. I would feel so much better if Zane was here though. I feel awful because he is missing out."

"That's not your fault though."

"I know.....I hope he'll be happy once he finally does come back...if he does come back."

"Yani don't talk like that. He would not just leave you and his daughter without an explanation. Whatever he is doing has to be for the best for you and Nia. He loves you too much to risk anything." I nod my head and I rest my head on Kiara's shoulder. Kiara gently rubs my stomach and I smile a bit.

"Aunty is going to have another baby to spoil I am so excited!," Kiara said.

"Me too I truly am. I couldn't believe it when I found out, but I can't wait to have this baby," I said.

"....He'll be back. Don't worry." I sigh as I watch Nia on the playground. That's my strength right there. I really just hope that Zane comes home soon because the longer he waits, the less likely he will. Kiara and I watch Nia play for about an hour until we walk around the park and talk a bit. After we visit with Kiara, we visit Zane's mom for a while. She is doing just fine. It's like Nia and Zane's mom know something that I don't because they are both holding up so well. Zane's mom just said that she would know if something happened to her baby boy and she doesn't feel that. She feels that he is doing what he can to protect me and Nia and when he feels it's safe, then he will come back to us. I hope she's right. After that, I take Nia out to dinner at Olive Garden. Nia loves Olive Garden, it's her favorite! I don't mind spoiling my baby because she deserves it. Definitely these past two months, Nia and I have become incredibly close. We have really been each other's support. After dinner, we head back home. Nia and I watch movies until she knocks out. Once Nia is sleeping, I take her to her bedroom. I change her into her pajamas and I wrap her hair and I lie her down in bed and I pull the covers over her. I kiss her cheek and then I rub it gently.

"Good night princess. I love you," I said softly. I watch Nia sleep for a few minutes before I leave closing the door behind me. I go to my bedroom and I change into one of Zane's t-shirts. Those are the only things I sleep in these days. It makes me feel like Zane is with me. I wrap my hair and then I lie down in bed and I sigh. I turn on the television and I notice a picture on the nightstand. Zane and I are sitting next to each other and Nia is sitting in my lap. Zane has his arm draped around my shoulder as we all smile towards the camera. We look so happy. Tears fill my eyes as I focus my attention back towards the television. I grab my phone and I scroll to Zane's name. Baby please tell me if you're ok. Please. I need you so much right now is the message I send to Zane. I wait for a response, but of course I don't get one. I turn on my left side and cry myself to sleep like I have done every night since Zane has been gone.

Four hours later, I stir in my sleep. I keep my eyes closed as I try to scoot to the left of the bed, but another body is in the way. Nia sometimes does come into my room to sleep in my room. I turn on my other side so I am facing the body lying next to me.

"Can't sleep Nia?," I asked sleepily. I open my eyes and my breath leaves my body when I see looking back at me. His lips curl into a smile and I just look in shock.

"Hi beautiful," Zane said softly.

"Z-Zane.....baby. Oh my god!," I stuttered in shock. I roll on top of him and I hug him tightly. Zane laughs a bit and wraps his arms around me tightly and I bust out crying on his chest.

"Did you miss me?," Zane joked. I just nod my head as tears pour out of my eyes.

"Let me look at you baby," Zane whispered. I pull out of the embrace and Zane wipes my tears as he stares at me.

"I missed you," Zane said.

"I missed you too baby. Baby you're ok! Oh my god I was going crazy without you. You had me worried to death. You didn't call me or text me or anything," I said sadly.

"I know and I'm sorry. It killed me to not have contact with you and Nia. I had to do it though until shit calmed down."

"Zane.....what happened once I left?"

"It doesn't matter Yani. Just know that Robyn won't be bothering us anymore. Now give me a damn kiss with your fine ass," Zane said while slapping my ass. I can't help but to laugh as I rest my hands on his cheeks. I pull his face to mine and I kiss him deeply. The minute our lips touched, it's like electricity went through my whole body and I couldn't help but moan. He rests his hands on my waist as I slide my tongue in his mouth. I missed him so damn much! I lick down his chin and I start to suck on his neck.

"You tryna get some dick huh?," Zane teased. I slap his chest as I stop what I am doing. I just stare at him; he's so damn handsome!!!!

"Baby I'm so happy you're here. You have no idea," I said through a deep breath.

"I'm happy to be here," Zane said.

".....I need to tell you something though Zane."

"What is it baby?," Zane said while rubbing my back.

"Uh....I'm not sure how to say this. And I know you just got back, but......baby....um.....we're going to have a baby," I said while looking Zane in his eyes. Zane's eyes get big in shock and I feel his breath stop.

"Yani......you're pregnant?," Zane asked.

"Yes....and I know we haven't been together long and this may come as a shock, but..," I am cut off my Zane pressing his lips into mine to shut me up. He kisses me with so much passion and then he looks at me.

"We're going to have a baby?," Zane said. I nod my head while smiling a bit and the biggest smile forms across Zane's face. He flips us over so he is on top of me and he lifts up my shirt and rubs my stomach in awe.

"A new life....wow. Hi baby this is your daddy. I love you. I love you so much!," Zane said sweetly to my stomach. I laugh a bit and Zane hovers over my face.

"I'm so in love with you woman do you know that?," Zane said passionately.

"I know and I love you too. You're my heart," I said. Zane smiles and kisses my nose.

"You're carrying our child. I can't believe it but I am so happy Yani. This is perfect. This is just what we need. We can move on baby with nothing to worry about." I nod my head as Zane rubs my stomach while smiling.

"How far are you baby?," Zane asked.

"Six weeks now. Morning sickness has been a bitch," I said while laughing softly.

"Six weeks? Damn I've missed all that time but I'll make it up to you. I'll take care of you Yani," Zane said while looking into my eyes.

"I know you will. You already have," Zane kisses my lips a few times and then hugs me tightly. I can't stop smiling right now. Just hours ago I was so miserable because I was going insane not knowing what happened to Zane and now he's here in my arms and I could not be happier.

"Have you told Nia yet?," Zane asked.

"No I wanted to wait for you so we could tell her together. Did you see her yet?," I asked.

"No I just saw her sleeping but that's it.....let's wake her up."

"It's like 2 in the morning."

"It's ok I need to see her and we need to tell her the good news." I nod my head and Zane gets out of the bed and then he helps me out of the bed. I look his body up and down and I smile.

"You been working out for me?," I said while running my hand down his toned abs.

"Only for you baby," Zane said while smirking. Zane pecks my lips and he puts on a shirt. He grabs my hand and we walk to Nia's bedroom. I open the door and we walk in. Zane sits on the bed and smiles down at his baby girl and he taps her lightly. I sit next to him and Nia stirs in her sleep. She yawns before opening her eyes. She blinks a few times before her eyes fully open. He little eyes light up when she sees Zane.

"Daddy!!!," Nia screamed in happiness. Zane and I laugh as Nia hops up and into her daddy's lap.

"Hi princess! Oh daddy missed you so much!," Zane said while hugging Nia tightly. Zane plants kisses over every inch of Nia's face as he holds her close.

"I missed you too daddy! Oh my gosh you're alright! I knew it!!! Mommy was worried but I told her you were fine because I felt it," Nia said happily. Zane looks at me because Nia said mommy and I smile and I nod my head. Zane smiles widely and kisses the top of Nia's head

"Is that right? I know we're just that close baby girl," Zane said while rocking Nia back and forth.

"I love you daddy," Nia said.

"I love you too baby girl," Zane said. Nia pulls out of the embrace and pecks Zane's lips multiple times and Zane chuckles.

"Me and mommy have something to tell you," Zane said. Nia nods her head and Zane looks at me and smiles and grabs my hand and holds it tightly.

"Well....mommy just told me that we are going to have a baby. That means you are going to have a baby brother or sister," Zane said excitedly. Nia's mouth open in shock and then she screams at the top of her lungs.

"Ahhhh!!! I'm going to be a big sister!!!!," Nia said in pure joy. She stands up on the bed and starts jumping up and down. Zane and I can't help but laugh at her. Nia plops down in Zane's lap and then looks at me.

"Mommy why didn't you tell me?," Nia asked.

"I wanted me and daddy to tell you together that's why," I said.

"Well I am sooooo excited!!!! The baby's in your stomach mommy?," Nia asked.

"Yes baby girl," I said while laughing. Nia moves closer to me and rubs my stomach.

"Hi baby!! This is your sister Nia! I can't wait to see you. We're going to be so close!," Nia said. Zane kisses Nia's forehead and then stands up with her in his arms and he grabs my hand to stand me up. We go back to our bedroom and we all lie down in the bed. Nia lies down on Zane's chest and I lie down next to Zane. Zane turns his head to look at me and rests a free hand on my stomach. I smile and I rest my hands on top of his. Things will only get better from here.