Conflicted Heart (Completed)

Thirty One

Yani

It's been four weeks and I am doing well. I feel pretty good. I am now ten weeks pregnant. I still can't believe I am expecting a baby. It's crazy to know that I am carrying a new life inside of me. Zane and Nia are so excited. Those two are the best. They cater to my every need, even though I can do everything for myself. Nia always rubs my stomach at night and Zane always sings to me. They're so adorable; I am so in love with them. It's the end of November and Zane, Nia and I enjoyed a Thanksgiving dinner with his mom and my mom not too long ago. It was so nice to have the family together. Anyway, it's Sunday evening and I am lying down in bed. Nia is already sleeping and Zane is lying down next to me in bed rubbing my stomach. He gently kisses my temple and I smile to myself. I turn my head towards his and I pucker my lips. Zane smiles and pecks my lips a few times.

"You look tired baby. Close your eyes," Zane said. I nod my head and I rest my head on his chest and I close my eyes. Zane starts to softly hum and I drift off to sleep. Less than two hours later, I am interrupted from my sleep by a pain in my stomach. I squirm a bit and I turn on my back. I take a deep breath as the pain subdues, but then I sit up in the bed screaming as another sharp pain waves through my lower abdomen area. Zane sits up immediately and turns on the light.

"Baby what is it?," Zane asked with worry in his voice.

"Zane...I just had a very sharp pain in my stomach," I said while holding my stomach.

"I'll take you to the hospital," Zane said while getting out of the bed.

"No it's ok.....I think I'm alright now," I said through a deep breath.

"I'm not taking any chances Yani." Zane quickly gets dressed and then he helps me get dressed quickly. We go into Nia's room and Zane dresses her quickly and holds her in his arms as she is still sleeping. Zane grabs my hand and we leave and head to the hospital. As we are driving, I feel another sharp pain. I hover over in the seat and Zane rubs my back.

"It's ok baby we're almost there," Zane said while speeding down the highway.

"Baby....it hurts," I whined. I take a few deep breaths, with the hope that the pain will go away, but it doesn't. I yell out in pain and Zane looks at me with a worried look.

"Mommy? Daddy?," Nia said sleepily from the back seat.

"Hey baby girl....we're going to the hospital. Mommy isn't feeling well," Zane said.

"Oh no. Mommy are you ok? What hurts?," Nia asked.

"It's my stomach baby," I said through clenched teeth.

"Is the baby ok?," Nia asked.

"We're going to the hospital just to make sure everything is ok, ok baby girl?," Zane said.

"Ok daddy," Nia said sadly. 10 minutes later, Zane pulls up in front of the emergency room. He parks the car and then gets out and rushes over to my side of the car. He opens the door and carefully helps me out. He then gets Nia out of the backseat and we all walk in and right to the front desk.

"Hi my girlfriend is having lower abdominal pains. She's ten weeks pregnant and we're really worried," Zane said in a panic.

"Ok right this way," the nurse said. The nurse stands up from her chair and gets a wheelchair and Yani sits down in the wheelchair.

"I am going to park the car and then I will be right back ok? I'll be two minutes," Zane said.

"Ok baby." He pecks my lips and then he leaves with Nia in his arms. The nurse rushes me down the hall and I feel a deep, sharp pain and I hold my stomach in pain as I groan in displeasure. I then feel warm liquid release between my legs. I look down and I see my pants are filled with blood.

"Oh my god," I said lowly. The breath leaves my body as I look in horror. The nurse rushes me to a room and a few doctors join the room as well.

"Oh god. Not my baby. Please not my baby," I said while tears ran down my cheeks. The doctors transfer me to the bed and I just close my eyes hoping this is all just a bad dream.....



I open my eyes slowly and I look around at my surroundings. I realize I'm still in the hospital. I piece together the memories from earlier and my hands instantly land on my stomach. I try to sit up in the bed, but a hand stops me. I look and I see Zane sitting next to the bed in a chair with his head down with Nia sleeping in his lap.

"Zane....what happened?," I asked softly. Zane takes a deep breath and then looks up at me and I notice his eyes are red and puffy.

"Zane...wh-.....no," I said while shaking my head.

"Yani....I....I don't know how to tell you this. But baby....you....you had a miscarriage," Zane said sadly. Tears instantly fill my eyes as I replay Zane's words in my head. No. This can't be right.

"No....no Zane. You're lying. You're lying!," I said in pure denial.

"No baby I'm not. I'm so sorry Yani. I'm so sorry," Zane said as tears filled his eyes. I shake my head as I close my eyes. I look down at my stomach in disbelief. There's no longer a new life growing inside of me. I'm not going to be a mother anymore. Zane rests Nia's sleeping body on a nearby couch and then he hugs me tightly. I burst out in tears on his chest and I feel his tears hit the side of my neck.

"I'm so sorry Zane. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I did....but I'm sorry," I cried.

"Hey this wasn't your fault. Don't talk like that," Zane said sternly. Zane holds me tight for a few minutes before pulling out of the embrace. He rests his forehead on mine as he wipes my tears. I wipe his face of his tears as well. I close my eyes as I sigh. I can't believe this. Just earlier today, I was carrying me and Zane's baby and now I'm not. That hurts my soul. I feel....empty now.

"How am I going to get through this Zane? I'm so hurt," I said sadly as more tears swelled in my eyes.

"With me. You and me are going to get through this," Zane said. He lies down in bed next to me and I turn to face him and I bury my face in his chest. He wraps his arms around me tightly and rests his head on top of mine. Why did this happen? I didn't even get to meet my baby. I am not even sure if it was a girl or a boy. It's like a part of me was snatched away. This is the worst pain I have ever felt. I don't know how I will even begin to deal with this pain. I close my eyes with the hope that I can escape this nightmare.