𝐌𝐘 𝐀𝐃𝐔𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

二十一 | 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

adulation (n.)
adoration. worship.
admiration. devotion.
reverence. favor.

「 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑻𝑾𝑬𝑵𝑻𝒀 𝑶𝑵𝑬 」
𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

꧁꧂

Sitting stiffly in a rather ornate chair in Crowley's study within his mansion, (Y/N) tried not to look at said vampire who was currently across from her. He was leaning back in his chair casually, his elbow resting against the arm of the chair to prop up his head with his fist, his red eyes seemingly staring into her soul considering he hadn't once looked away from her since their arrival. Horn and Chess were nowhere to be seen after Crowley gave them whispered orders, their expressions however clearly showing the distaste of leaving him alone with (Y/N) for what seemed to be an extended period of time.

    She wished they were there.

    Sitting so rigidly for so long in such stifling silence was enough to make her go mad.

    Finally—and thankfully—Crowley spoke, "What is your name, human? I assume you have one, as all humans do, so tell me what it is."

    (Y/N) flinched.

    What the...

    Why is he asking me that?

    A name gives humanity... something no vampire sees in humans who are food.

    So... why?

    "It's... (Y/N)," she answered back softly, her fingers curling into tight fists on her thighs as she glared at the rug-covered wooden floor, her mind racing a mile a minute in thoughts of what he would gain from knowing her name. "Why would you want to know the name of a human?"

    "Hm?" Crowley hummed, tilting his head.

    "Humans to you are food, and nothing more... so what exactly do you get out of knowing my name?" (Y/N) voiced her thoughts as she slowly, subtly, peeked up at Crowley through her lashes, finding him to be staring at her with that inquisitive gaze as he usually was. "And... why would you even want to have me here? I don't serve you any purpose since my blood is terrible. So... why?"

    Crowley didn't answer her immediately.

    In retrospect, as he continued to gaze at her, it was like even he couldn't explain his own actions.

    (Y/N) swallowed thickly at his lack of reaction, wanting to desperately know what he was thinking. She found herself almost overwhelmed with a mix of emotions from the situation, all ranging from fear and uncertainty, to anger and sheer stubbornness. She didn't want to die, nor could she stand being so humiliated that she wanted to perish, so she allowed herself to tense, waiting for whatever twisted actions he wanted her to perform for his own droll entertainment.

    "I guess I'm just curious?" Crowley murmured, more a question than a statement, as he cupped his chin with his thumb and pointer finger.

    "Huh?" (Y/N) blinked.

    Clearly, she wasn't expecting such a statement.

    "You know, normally, livestock wouldn't question a vampire's intentions no matter the inquisition or action," Crowley started with derisive smile, his eyes curving as he crossed his arms over his broad chest, his muscles perfectly molding through his tight uniform. "But you do. You always do, even if it's not verbally. It's with your eyes." Leaning forward and tapping just below his left eye, delight clearly written across his expression, he continued, "Your eyes always show what you're thinking. And always... is there tenacity. It doesn't show weakness. It instead shows something more... calculative."

    (Y/N) bristled, finding how observant he was unnerving to the point of unease.

    "I won't underestimate humans, as there are some who are different from those with weak mentalities," Crowley confessed with a slight shrug. "I assume you're one of them. That's the only reason as to why I wanted to know your name... (Y/N)."

    She searched his gaze.

    There was not a hint of untruthfulness.

    "Can I ask you a question?" She mumbled softly, feeling her fingers tremble after being called her name from the first time in months.

    "Hm?" Crowley raised a brow.

    "Vampires used to be human before they were turned... meaning you were a human at one point," she started as she slowly creased her eyes, staring at her lap since she wasn't sure if she could meet Crowley gaze with the question she were about to ask. "I assume you were changed long ago, so you might not remember, but I'll ask you this anyway: do you recall anything you felt? Your dreams? Your passions? Your love? Your hatred? Your fears? Your sorrow? ...Anything?"

    Crowley seemed puzzled by her question, as if he found it comical or downright stupid.

    "Well?" She pressed.

    "I remember small fragments, but nothing that really is substantial," he answered truthfully with an almost condescending raise of his chin. "What has made you ask such a strange question?"

    "I see..." (Y/N) merely mumbled. "Then you've forgotten the importance of a name."

    "What?" Crowley frowned.

    "When I was born, my parents carefully selected my name for myself alone," she continued softly, her eyes pricking with unshed tears at the thought of her family. "My name was gifted to me to hold the story of my identity—it doesn't and will never belong to another. My name is a connection to my sense of self, as it is an acknowledgment of my unique existence. There are others with my name, but our lives are so different that the name has different meanings for each of us." Finally, she met Crowley's stare with unwavering strength that made his own eyes widen, her next words then stealing his breath away, "So don't say my name when you aren't going to encapsulate that in your meaning. If my name—my existence—means nothing to you, why even say it in the first place?"

    He couldn't speak.

    His mind went completely blank.

    Never before had he been so stunned by someone's words since he was turned.

    It was an invigorating experience.

    A completely alluring experience.

    Perhaps now he could see why Ferid seemed to be so utterly captivated by (Y/N)'s presence if it wasn't because of her blood. Though he wasn't completely swayed, the seedling of a new captured interested was planted in his brain by none other than (Y/N) herself, his lips twisting into a rather deranged smile that showcased his warped fascination.

    "As you wish," he replied to her statement. "I will do so from now on... (Y/N)."

    He would pretend.

    He would do so to chase that intoxicating feeling her words had given him.

    And he would relish it.

━━━━━━━━ ꧁ ♥ ꧂ ━━━━━━━━

「 𝑻𝑶 𝑩𝑬 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑼𝑬𝑫 」