A Song For You//[Thonny]

Chapter Twenty-One

As days stretched into weeks, Thom's initial optimism gave way to a grim, reluctant acceptance of reality. No matter how many times he urged Jonny to slow down, to pull himself back from the edge, the efforts were met with hollow promises, distant eyes, and the haunting sound of silence as Jonny would disappear for hours on end, returning looking worse each time. It was like watching someone walk a tightrope in a storm, a slow-motion fall he felt powerless to stop.

The early mornings, once shared over cups of coffee and hushed conversation, turned into groggy afternoons where Jonny seemed to barely make it out of bed. His skin was pale and his eyes sunken, fingers trembling as he fumbled for a cigarette before even managing a word. And when he did speak, it was as though some part of him was miles away—untouchable, shielded by a haze Thom couldn't penetrate. The spaces between them, once filled with laughter and murmured secrets, were now haunted by Jonny's tense silences and the gnawing ache in Thom's chest.

Thom found himself moving around Jonny like he was a fragile sculpture on the verge of shattering. His words were careful, every move calculated so as not to provoke Jonny's irritation or spark another argument. He would ask softly if Jonny needed anything—food, a drink, anything at all—and Jonny would give a dismissive nod or a brief muttered response. But the days felt increasingly empty, and no matter what Thom did, he couldn't bring back the Jonny he remembered, the one he'd fought so hard to come back for.

One night, when Thom was lying beside Jonny, the moonlight casting faint shadows on the room, he reached out instinctively, his hand brushing over Jonny's shoulder. Jonny shifted, barely acknowledging the touch, his body tense beneath Thom's fingertips. The distance felt palpable, like a chasm opening up between them, and Thom withdrew his hand, feeling that familiar wave of helplessness wash over him. He lay awake long after Jonny had slipped into a restless sleep, the silence around them thick with the weight of all the words they hadn't said.

It was as if the thread connecting them was fraying, snapping bit by bit with each passing day. Thom was losing hope, feeling himself unravel as he watched Jonny continue to spiral. Each time he tried to reach out, tried to bridge the gap, he was met with the same cold indifference, the same hollow assurances that Jonny was "doing fine."

The breaking point came one evening when Jonny returned from another of his unexplained outings. He stumbled through the door, eyes glassy, his posture sagging as he leaned against the wall, his face a mask of exhaustion and something darker. He barely acknowledged Thom's presence, brushing past him with a muttered, "I need to lie down."

Thom felt a wave of anger bubble up, fierce and unyielding, catching him off guard. He followed Jonny into the bedroom, his voice tense as he asked, "Are you even trying, Jonny? Are you even fighting this?"

Jonny stopped, his shoulders stiffening, and he turned to look at Thom, his expression defensive. "What do you want me to say, Thom? That I'm perfect? That I've got it all under control?"

Thom felt his chest tighten, his words catching in his throat. "I just want you to be honest with me, Jonny. If you're struggling, let me in—let me help you."

But Jonny's eyes were cold, his voice sharp as he replied, "Maybe I don't need your help. Maybe I don't need you trying to fix everything."

The words hit Thom like a physical blow, and he took a step back, the anger dissipating, replaced by a hollow ache. He watched as Jonny turned away, disappearing into the bedroom without another word. Thom was left standing there, once more feeling like an intruder in a life he'd once been a part of.

For the first time, he felt truly lost, like he was stumbling through darkness with no idea of where to turn. He had tried everything he could think of—every gentle nudge, every silent prayer to a good he didn't believe in, every quiet gesture of support—and none of it seemed to reach Jonny. And he was starting to wonder if he'd been fooling himself all along, if maybe Jonny was beyond saving.