A Song For You//[Thonny]

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The therapy room was small and unadorned, save for a potted plant in the corner and a calendar pinned to the wall. The window was frosted over, framing a bleak winter landscape outside. Snow was falling steadily, blanketing the grounds of the rehab facility in a muffled quiet. Jonny sat in a worn armchair, his hands clasped in his lap, fingers twitching restlessly. Across from him sat his counselor, Dr. Harper, a woman with kind eyes and an unyielding presence that had both unnerved and comforted him over the past four months.

"So," Dr. Harper began, her voice calm and measured, "Christmas is coming up. How are you feeling about that?"

Jonny shrugged, his gaze fixed on the threadbare carpet. "It's just another day."

"Is it?" she asked, leaning forward slightly. "Holidays can be complicated, especially for someone in recovery. They bring up a lot of emotions—nostalgia, guilt, even anger. What comes to mind when you think about Christmas?"

He exhaled sharply, a bitter smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Family. Guilt. Screwing things up."

"Let's unpack that," she said gently. "What about family?"

Jonny hesitated, his fingers tightening around each other. "Colin," he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. "He used to love Christmas. Always went all out—decorations, gifts, the whole thing. I... I think I ruined that for him."

Dr. Harper nodded, giving him space to continue. When he didn't, she prompted, "How do you think you ruined it?"

He looked up at her, his eyes shadowed. "I've been a screw-up for years. Every holiday, I'd either disappear, show up high, or cause some kind of scene. He'd try to fix it, act like everything was normal, but I could see it in his eyes. I was wrecking it for him—and now I'll just end up ruining it for Thom, too."

"Have you spoken to Colin about how you feel?"

Jonny shook his head. "He doesn't want to hear it. And I don't blame him. He's the reason I'm here, you know? He was the one who finally dragged me out of that mess." His voice cracked, and he looked away. "I hated him for it at first. But now... I think he was right."

Dr. Harper watched him carefully. "That's a big realization, Jonny. It's not easy to admit someone else was right, especially when it means confronting your own behavior."

He nodded silently, his jaw tightening as he tried to push down the surge of emotions rising in his chest.

"What about Thom?" Dr. Harper asked. "Have you thought about how he might feel this Christmas?"

Jonny's breath hitched, and he rubbed the back of his neck. "I think about him all the time," he admitted. "He was the only one who stuck by me—for this last year, at least—even when I didn't deserve it. I keep picturing him alone in that house, and it makes me want to—" He stopped, his hands trembling. "It makes me want to fix everything. But I don't even know where to start."

Dr. Harper leaned forward, her expression soft but serious. "You've already started. You're here. You've been sober for four months. That's something to be proud of."

"It doesn't feel like enough," Jonny murmured. "Not after everything I've put them through."

"Recovery isn't about erasing the past," she said. "It's about learning from it and choosing a better future. The guilt you're feeling is normal, but it can't be the only thing driving you forward. What do you want, Jonny? Not just for Colin or Thom—for yourself."

The question caught him off guard. He sat back in the chair, staring at the ceiling as he tried to find an answer. "I don't know," he admitted after a long pause. "I guess... I just want to feel okay again. To wake up and not feel like I'm drowning."