Hidden Burdens (working title)

Wrapping up the School Year

With the success of apologizing to John, Kimmy felt obligated to apologize to Ryder the following day as well. She coached herself all morning while getting ready, and after Kayla dropped her off, all the way until Ryder was sitting at his desk.

Her heart pounded as a sensation pulsed through her entire body. Kimmy felt lightheaded as she stood up from her desk and slowly made her way to the other side of the room. It was one of his buddies who pointed her out when Kimmy was a desk behind Ryder. Unfortunately, Ryder didn't give Kimmy a chance to speak when he insisted she leave him alone loud enough for Mr. O'Reilly to hear and step in. Mr. O'Reilly kindly requested Kimmy to go back to her seat.

Kimmy dropped in her seat in defeat. She had only tried to fix things between them, only to make things worse. Kimmy resumed avoiding eye contact for the rest of the day. This time when she saw Ben's truck that afternoon, Kimmy dashed as fast as she could to climb in the back with John and clung to him.

John held onto the kid, focused on calming her down first before asking what was wrong. He gently peeled off the backpack, pulling away each arm from his neck to set it on the seat beside them.

While John consoled Kimmy, Ben safely pulled away from the curb to a nearby parking space in the meantime until they could get things settled and Kimmy was strapped in a seat belt.

Once Kimmy was calm enough, she softly told John what she tried to do. "But I made it worser."

John kindly told Claudia off for teasing the way Kimmy pronounced worse. He had also pulled the kid onto his lap while calming her down, cradling Kimmy in his arms, and focused on her. "You tried to apologize to Ryder and it didn't go well?" he asked, trying to make sense of what she said from her soft but anxious hysterics, and for Ben and Claudia who could barely hear.

Kimmy nodded against his chest.

"I'm sorry, Kimster," John said with sympathy and held a brief kiss to her head. His hand gently stroked her left arm, up and down. "That was very brave of you and I am proud of you for trying. Unfortunately, apologies don't always work out the way we hope they would."

"I'm supposed to forgive and say I'm sorry, though," she said, but it came out in mumbles Kimmy had to repeat louder in John's ear so he could understand her better.

"If we're able to, yes. But, forgiving someone is mostly for us. To let go and not hold onto that bitterness," he explained. "The other person may not know they wronged you or even care. Or, they could choose not to accept your apology. That's between them and God. God only cares what's inside your heart. Does that make sense?"

Kimmy stared at nothing in particular as she listened. It kind of made sense, but Kimmy still wished she could have resolved things. Not to be friends or anything. Just to fix it and end the conflict.

Eventually, she just nodded to show Kimmy understood.

John squeezed his arms around her and held another kiss to the top of her head before nudging her off his lap. Kimmy moved to her seat and fastened her seat belt so they could get Claudia to work on time.

Both Ben and Claudia offered her some encouragement, as well while Claudia reminded her once more to insist Kimmy stop caring what others think.

"Trust me, kid. It's gonna save you a whole lot of grief."

Kimmy nodded to accept the advice once more. Deep down the feeling did not go away that easily.

On the way to Claudia's work, Kimmy noticed a glance from Ben in the rearview mirror, who had to look back at the road ahead. It was unclear what that meant if he was offering sympathy or just checking on her.