Up and Down, Around and Around

Um...

[⚠️‼️Content Warning: this is a Vent. But I need this so bad. My mind told me to do this- so I'm listening...]

⛈️

I just-
 
      *deep sigh*

I'm just, lost.

This is gonna sound stupid but-
My phone is getting older, having issues, and just freaked me out.
(Especially since I'm not great with tech)

And it's, just a phone. Just a phone!
[Imma bout to spiral- so be prepared]

But- it brings me comfort.
I can write my thoughts, have reminders, talk to friend, vent or rant, having numbers for safety (if ever needed) and most importantly- music.

Ya know?

I need videos, movies, shows, music...
I need that background noice, to calm me.
To remind me I'm not alone.
To keep the adhd at bay... 😅

And...
I could really, really really use a hug right now...

Or- some cuddles...

Then I remember him. My cat- Cuddles.

...

Him. 🐈🕊️🩵💛

It was unconditional love (besides treats 😅)

He was just a lost kitten, who turned into my best friend.
And I fucking miss him.

I miss seeing him.
I miss his soft fur.
I miss his meows.
I miss his cuddles...
🐈🫂💛🩵

I FUCKING MISS HIM.

And I'm so fucking touch starved... DAMN IT.

And now- I don't have him.
I don't have that kind of pet or relationship anymore.

He meant so much to me.
And now he's just- gone!?

I don't know why...
Why?

Why am I'm crying over this tonight?

I guess It's just when, it gets late and- the loneliness gets to be to much.

I hate how stuffy/runny my nose gets after crying.
I hate biting back the screams.

I'm tired and hurt.
It's 2024- it's... So much.

And it randomly attacks me again.
Maybe it's seasonal depression?
Or maybe it's just- coming back...

——————

I have some great friends now, and found family.
And best of all- my siblings ❤️‍🩹💞♾️
(I am extremely thankful for all of them)

But they're.... All busy....
And soon. I will be too....

I'm not ready.
And it would be okay if I had a therapist. Hopefully a good one.

Or an emotional support pet.
Or just a good fucking hug 🫂

...

I just needed to write this.

Maybe post it.

Maybe for others to notice?

Maybe for others to understand?

...

Or maybe it's just for me.

To hear my own thoughts.
To see finally see the truth.

I know I need help.
But it's nicer to dissociate.

Until- it isn't.

~~~~~

I honestly need a good cry.

And to talk to a therapist... heh...

But at least it wasn't a full out break down...
Like they used to be.

~~~~~

Anyways, now it's time for music.

Because,
Music will always make it better.
(Or worse. Depending on how emotional it is...)

🎧🎵🎶🫂❤️‍🩹

~~~~~

Billie 🫂💚

~~~~~

And this,

I know it's a breakup song- but... her voice saying happy birthday 💗

~~~~~

Adele ❤️‍🩹
She's just- like a mother. An amazing mother figure.
With an amazing voice 🫂🎶🎵🎧

~~~~~

I love this brother sister duo 💞

~~~~~

Yoooo this one for irony

💀❤️‍🩹

~~~~~

Coldplay- obviously 🤧⏯️🌕💛

~~~~~

This fits too I guess 🧚🧚‍♀️🧚‍♂️

~~~~~

And this, because-

~WiLdEsT dReAmS~

~~~~~

😭🍼🌧️

~~~~~