diary of a broken soul

Page 31

Dear Diary,

The real battle happens every night. When everything is quiet. When every thing is supposed to be peaceful. The real battle happens at night. Not in the morning, when people are busy building their future. Most of us set aside our problems every morning and focus on one thing: preparation. Preparation for the future we know nothing about. Preparation for the unknown.

Reality hits when it's about a life and death situation. Some people would say that the future is in our hands; we need to work hard for it. True enough, yet at night we think about a lot of things. What if we don't exist in the future we are preparing for? Are we ready to die knowing that almost half of our existence is all about surviving? That we had lost control of our supposed balanced existence? It should be fun living while preparing for the future, but did we actually have fun living at the moment? Or we are full of doubts, pressure, and regrets? That even in being happy, there is regret in the end. It sucks.

It all haunts at night. The anxiousness and the bottled-up emotions about uncertainties. The realizations of past decisions and regrets that affected who we are right now all happen at night. We often worry about the future, yet we are still living in the past. We forgot the present. The exact moment where we needed to live has been swept with the idea of the past and the future.

The real battle happens every night, indeed. We fought monsters not under our bed but inside our heads. The battle between life and death. Because what if we never wake up in the morning? We can't experience life anymore. We never experience the real meaning of life yet because we are so focus on preparing for the future.

The real battle happens at night. The smile from the daylight burns out like the sun down, only left with its traces of lights before the darkness consumes our heart. Then we longed for the people with whom we'd lost connections. We grieved the person we love who died young. Cries for the childhood we outgrew. Aching for all the dreams we needed to let go. Feeling all the pain and disappointments we tried so hard to suppress.

At night, when everything is quiet, our mind is wide awake. Either we dream or we think about dreaming. The thing is, even if we were asleep, the monsters of the past and the shadows of the future are still haunting us down, and it all happens at night when it's supposed to be peaceful.