Joshifer Fanfiction - A Different Love

Chapter 31

"I'm sorry Jen...I don't understand..." Josh sat there, seemingly confused.

"Josh, I still love you. I always have. And...by the looks of things, I always will. I figured you would feel the same, even in the slightest." I was chewing my lip numb.

"Well...of course Jen. But you know I ruled out us ever happening since that day. I try to avoid thinking about it. It's hard but- I'm going to be a father, and you even mentioned I shouldn't throw that away because of us." Josh reached for my hand, but instinctively I moved away.

"But I changed my mind, okay! I don't want you to throw being a father away, but I don't want you to throw us away either." I snapped.

"You're being ridiculous, Jennifer." Josh laughed, rolling his eyes. I was taken aback. I stood up, not sure what to do.

"Sorry for being honest with my feelings, unlike you, who didn't even know what you wanted until you asked me!" I was shouting now, and even though I tried shutting down my systems, I couldn't.

"Maybe that was because I cared about what you wanted too!" Josh stood up also, pointing his finger at me in accusation. I felt like either throwing something on the ground out of anger or crying out of sadness.

"Like I've never cared about what you wanted? Josh, I changed my whole life around for your sake." I was breathing heavily.

"Was there a baby involved? I don't think so. You have no right to call me out on things that mean nothing." Josh was talking with an edge of anger, but not shouting, he didn't shout.

"I'm just saying that you don't have to be with Claudia because you're having a baby with her. What, do you think all parents are married happily? Look, Josh, I want you to know this; all this rushing into things- it might not go well. You never want to go this fast in life. I'm trying to stop you from getting hurt." I was calmer, but Josh was still living out his anger, and I knew he wouldn't take what I said into account.

"Whatever. You'll never understand. Thanks for the great lunch." He said sarcastically, grabbing his jacket and storming out.

I took this moment to let out any emotion I had wanted to during that time- but nothing came. No tears. No rushes of adrenaline. In fact, if anything, I was fatigued. I hadn't had such a bad and heated argument with Josh for a long time- and it wore me out.

I sat down for a while, trying to wait out some time before I invited Alex back over. I didn't want him to worry about me, and even worse, comfort me. Because funnily enough, the only person who could comfort me in this situation was Josh.

God, how I hated being so obsessed. Attached even. I was never this way. But then I lost all my walls of trust, and somehow focused on loving and having Josh all the time.

I know it wasn't my fault. It wasn't his. No ones. But everything happened at the wrong time- the baby, Alex, Claudia.

"Figured you'd be here. You always are." I heard a familiar voice, and turned quickly to the doorway to see the one and only; Nicholas Hoult.

"It feels like you're here every time I'm upset." I laughed.

"Probably my instincts. I can feel your sadness. Like a superpower, but it only works for you." Nick smiled, closing the door behind him.

"So your instincts brought you here?" I questioned.

"Partly, but mostly because I came to get a book." Nick walked silently to the bookshelf.

"A book?" I grinned.

"Yep. Just one book." Nick laughed.

"I'm sure that's why you came here." I said, and he went silent.