Joshifer Fanfiction - A Different Love

Chapter 8

I rest my head on Nick's shoulder and try to forget. I love him, and I always will. The only problem is remembering that.

If this could all end, the conflict, the fact I have to lie at every corner, maybe things could be normal.

"Jennifer?"

I look up at Nick, positioning myself turned to him with my chin up.

"Yes?" I ask.

"I'm- I'm worried. About you. You're just so...different. I know things have changed but it's not- good."

From the look on his face, his eyes adverting mine, I can tell he has being meaning to tell me this. I don't blame him either; he never complains, so I take in his words, let them sink me in the realization that I've had them in my mind for a while, too.

"I know, Nick. I'm sorry. I'm sorry because nothing is working for you, and you go on like it's okay. But it's not. It's not, Nicholas."

"Why isn't it?" He looks sad, leaning his forehead on my head, his talking ended with a sigh.

"I-" No, I can't lie, but I don't know. It seems like a stupid excuse, but it's the truth. If it's Josh, then I would think about him often...and I do. But not like that, I've settled that; the only thing that bothers me is that maybe he loves me, that he never settled that. So, it is something, but I can't say that to Nicholas. Ugh, this is too confusing, I need to say something as Nick raises his eyebrows. "I don't know." I sigh.

"Well, maybe we need a break." He breathes, pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"Maybe. I just need to finish Mockingjay and it will be okay." I answer.

But I know a break won't help, as I will never quite push Josh out of my life, as a feeling grows inside of me that is forever forgotten and left out, being pushed away from the truth. Whether that belongs to him, I will never know, as I won't allow it reach the truth.

"I love you." Nick whispers.

"I love you too." I whisper back.

Then when his lips reach mine, I've nearly forgotten everything. The feel of lips, the thing I know. It's sweet, pushed onto me expectedly. It's also short, as his phone starts to ring. He pulls back and lets the embrace fall faster than I can handle. I haven't kissed Nick for a while, and it's strange I don't linger for it.

"Hello?" Nick's voice is harsh accidentally.

There's a pause, and after a few seconds I hear Nick's breath get heavier.

"Why are you calling me?" He snaps.

I start to worry upon who it could be.

"I don't care who you are! This is the wrong number for you; if you're trying to contact her then bad luck, I won't pass on the message!" He hangs up with a loud sigh.

"Who was that?" I come to my senses, rushing to his side.

"Josh." His voice is cold as he turns to me.

I feel a lump in my throat.

"Why did you talk to him like that? What'd he want?" I have questions rushing to my mind.

"He called me because your phone is dead and you're not answering." He seems to get calmer as he speaks.

"I may have got carried away." He adds, putting a hand on the table.

"It seemed so; why would you get so annoyed about that?" I ask. I feel an urge to get my phone, but I need to stretch out the conversation.

"I'm just, I..." He seems unsure of how to answer, and for a second I let the painful silence pass. "I was just annoyed he called me is all." He forces a smile that looks uncomfortable.

"Right." I shrug, letting my eyes go to the stairs.

"I'm just going upstairs, I'll be down in a sec." I nod.

"Okay." He replies, knowing what I'm up to. But I can't ask much more that could distract him from the real facts.

As I run up the stairs, going down the hallway that leads to my room, I wonder of the possibility that Nick is jealous. Maybe that's the case, but why? If he were the one to be jealous, I would be surprised. Maybe I have a million people who would love for me to love them, but I never thought I'd actually be in a love triangle.

I pick up my phone from my bed and hook it up to the nearby charger at the wall, I wait for a few seconds for it to turn on. When it does the first thing that pops up is at least 10 missed calls from Josh.

I smile but also widen my eyes, it's crazy seeing all this.

I go to his contact and call his number, letting it ring a few times before I hear his familiar voice.

"Jen." He breathes.

"Josh?" I smile uncontrollably.

"You picked up." I can almost see his smirk, his teasing only beginning.

"I'm sorry. I never charge my phone." I laugh.

"Oh really? I thought you were on your phone like, all the time." He snickers.

"Yeah, and then I can't be bothered charging it."

He lets out a laugh, that makes me smile, because I haven't heard his laugh for a while. The way it gets higher than his normal voice and the way it can be softer in different situations amaze me. He seems back to normal, considering last time we met.

"Well, what can I say? I did have to call Nicholas, so you sort of owe me. He didn't seem very 'happy' to talk to me." Josh tells me.

I pause, rethinking my response. It seems like Nick's personal business, and it doesn't feel like I should be telling anyone.

"Yeah, he's not in the best mood today. Don't worry about it." I say, half-lying, not about not worrying about it. Because that's the last thing I need.

"Alright Jen."

"Something you needed?" I change the subject.

"Ah, not really. I guess I just missed you."

The comment makes my heart melt, for many reasons I can't really explain. I smile before replying, taking my time.

"Well, are you going to say anything?" He laughs, referring to my silence. I laugh, too.

"I was just letting it sink in, make you feel bad." I smirk.

"Wow, thanks." He breathes.

As I think over everything, letting the pause take over again, and hearing the slight breath pass from him through the line, I think of many things, trying to figure out if he really is normal. But I realize that all this time thinking about whether everyone else was okay has finally come to terms with the fact it's not about them, it's about me. That I cause the problems with my behavior. And the truth is, I'm not normal. But that's okay, because for as long as I'm not normal, neither will Josh be. So, in the end, it's all I could ask for.

"I missed you too Josh." I tell him, and this time he lets the silence come.

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