Book 2: Beginning Again -Carlos Sainz

Chapter 28

Marie looked outside, smiling at the grey clouds and raindrops. Rainy weather always felt like her childhood, big mugs of tea, and warm blankets. She turned back to her computer, firing off her last email before she shut the top and let out a deep sigh. The past two weeks had been restorative for Marie since she saw the negative test result. She felt like she got her life back together, starting to wake up early again and hit the gym. It was a routine that had her feeling like normal again, smiling to herself at the thought. Even though part of her job included literally looking at photos of her ex, Marie felt more and more okay with it. She used to put her thumb over his face, but now she could stand to see him in photos without feeling like she was about to crack in half. She picked up her phone and sent her dad a text.

I'm feeling ready to return to work. See you in Belgium?: Marie

Gavin: 👍

Marie took a deep breath to calm the swell of anxiety that rushed through her. She knew she could do this. No man, regardless of how he looked, would make her set aside her goals. It was time to face her fears, and she wanted nothing more than to show Carlos how great she was doing without him. Maturity be damned.

**

Erin: the black jumpsuit with the blazer and the Louboutins. Send pics when you're ready.

Marie dug through her suitcase trying to find the pair of heels that she only ever packed for unexpected gala events, which happened more often than she thought in F1. She had already steamed the blazer and jumpsuit, done her hair and makeup, and talked herself down from booking a flight home immediately. The only thing getting her through this was the outfit that Erin had picked out for her that she knew would make her feel like the bad bitch she was.

"You will be fine. It's just a dinner, you'll be fine," Marie said out loud to herself as she got dressed, taking a full look in the mirror before sending a pic to her best friend.

Erin: HOLY FUCK!!!! YOU ARE SO HOT!!

Marie smiled at her phone, feeling the all-too-strange emotion of... confidence. She walked out of her room with her head held high, feeling her ponytail swing behind her. She met up with her dad and Mark, the intern, in the lobby before they all walked to the meeting. They usually had social/media meetings on Thursday nights before the team all went for a dinner. Marie took a deep breath and rolled her shoulders back as she stepped into the hotel conference room.

**

Carlos made sure that he was on his phone, looking distracted when Charles and the rest of the team walked in. They still hadn't talked about anything other than work-related things since the night he blacked out. Charles sat down next to him, like he always did, and whipped out his phone. People were muttering about, but no one really paid much attention to the drivers who were at odds. Carlos looked up when Gavin entered the room, followed by the new social media guy. He was fine, got the job done. A third figure followed them into the room and Carlos had to double take when he saw the streak of blonde hair in his vision. Carlos choked on nothing as he sat up, feeling the bile rise in his throat. Nausea overtook him as he looked away, feeling like his entire body had tensed up. He looked over to Charles who was looking back and forth between Marie and Carlos, putting the pieces together quickly, but remaining silent. Carlos sat up really straight in his chair, still looking down at his phone to feign inconspicuousness. He couldn't do it. He really couldn't look at her without feeling like his insides were trying to squeeze him to death, or like his lungs would collapse. He stayed like that for a moment, waiting for his body to cooperate.

"Hello everyone, let's get started for today," Gavin said as the muttering started to lower.

"Hi all," Marie said as Carlos' head finally snapped up and his eyes landed on her. He couldn't help it, the sound of her voice was so familiar to him. "I just wanted to say a big thank you to Mark here for taking over my role over the past few weeks while I dealt with some personal things back in London. Everyone, give it up for him."

The room was filled with light applause and Gavin started talking about meeting points, but Carlos couldn't hear anything. He could only stare at her face, her profile, as she took notes in her notebook and nodded along to her dads words. She didn't even look in his direction once, but his eyes never left her. He took in everything that he could see, including the top half of her outfit and the soft few pieces of hair that framed her face out of her ponytail. Carlos was suddenly brought back to every date that she wore her hair like that, every work-related event that she wore the blazer for, and all the times she would nervously play with her pen. Carlos' heart started to hurt at the memories, but he couldn't stop. It was everything he had been avoiding for so long, all the memories and the feelings she brought out. She tucked her hair behind her ear as she nodded, looking intensely down at her notebook. Carlos was brought back to how intensely she would stare at her laptop when she was booking flights and trips for them. Everything about her, he knew. He could tell how she was feeling just by a single look, and every single nook and cranny of her personality. He could avoid it all as hard as he could, but he couldn't forget her. Her favorite sweatshirt, her favorite restaurants, her best stories, her favorite family vacations, her favorite music, her favorite wine, he could go on forever. Every memory, every piece of knowledge, every emotion came rushing back all at once as he stared at her. He didn't know how long the meeting went until everyone started standing up and chatting about their dinner. He looked back to Marie once more, and was surprised to meet her eyes this time. She gave him a small nod with a tight lipped smile, before she turned around and followed her dad out of the room. Carlos watched, taking in the second half of her outfit, as she walked confidently out the door. Carlos' whole body felt limp as he tried to stand up, sitting for a moment before he felt an arm on his shoulder.

"You okay?" Charles said softly.

"No, I'm not," Carlos replied.

"Ready to talk about it?"

"Yeah."

**

Marie gave her best ass walk as she walked out of the room, taking the satisfaction that she knew he was watching. Marie felt like she was going to puke when she walked in, but she stuck to one very simple strategy: pretend he doesn't even exist anymore. She stared at whoever was talking like they were giving the world's best TED talk, nodding along as she wrote in her notebook. Some of it was meeting notes, some of it was just her writing "you can do this" over and over again to avoid looking up and meeting his gaze. His gaze she knew would feel electric and hypnotizing and warm and soft and like home. She knew she would fall right back in if she did. She did peek at him for a minute, looking at his perfectly fitted navy suit jacket with a button down underneath it. She saw the perfect mop of hair on his head and could almost feel how it felt to run her hands through it. A sigh of relief came out of her as she chatted with Mark, thanking him again for his last minute cover for work. They were all heading to the catered dinner in the hotel's ballroom, only a few steps away. Marie tucked all her things into her giant purse and set it on her chair next to Marks and her father's. Step two: don't even let him get close to you. Marie went over to get a drink with Mark, pretending not to notice when Charles and Carlos walked into the room. All the energy got brought to them, like it always did, because they were the stars of the show. Marie watched in her peripheral vision as he scanned the room. She stepped behind Mark's shadow, like trying to hide behind a tree. Marie listened into what Mark was talking about, trying to distract her from her racing heartbeat. They almost made it to the front of the bar line when Marie felt a presence behind her. Mark stopped mid sentence, extending a hand to the presence.

"Hey, Carlos, how's it going?"