Book 2: Beginning Again -Carlos Sainz

Chapter 51

"I think... this is the best mac n cheese I've ever had," Marie said with full sincerity and she continued taking heaping spoonfuls of the dish.

"I'm glad," Carlos said with a small chuckle. He watched with a smile as she scooped up the last of the noodles. Marie looked up to see him staring.

"What?"

"Nothing, I just really missed sharing a meal with you."

Marie looked down at her plate, using the spoon to push around the bits left in the bowl.

"I'd be lying if I said that I didn't share the same sentiment," Marie said quietly.

"Then have lunch with me tomorrow. Or breakfast, or dinner, I don't really care. Just give me a chance?"

"I still don't know, Carlos," Marie said with an exasperated sigh. "You had time to think about this and I just want... time."

His eyes bored into hers over the candlelight, making her blush when she looked at him for too long. The face she had been avoiding and dreading seeing, was a mere foot or two in front of her now, staring. Marie briefly wondered how she got into this and pinched her arm under the table just to see if she was dreaming. The waiter came by to clear off their plates, which prompted Marie to look at the time.

"Oh, I should probably be getting back to the hotel by now, Erin will be wondering where I am," Marie said as she looked at her phone and saw the 5 unanswered texts.

Carlos stood up immediately as she did, walking over to her side of the table. "Of course, I'll call the limo around."

Marie briefly cursed the fact that she had no transportation back, because she desperately needed a minute alone to sort through her feelings. So much of her body was drawn to him, even as he stood by her side. His aura was like a magnet to her and the war between her head and her heart raged on. Carlos was typing on his phone, giving Marie a chance to study his features. He looked exactly like she remembered, but it all felt different this time. Carlos looked up from his phone to see her staring, breaking out in a full smile as he turned to face her and scooped her hands into his. He stepped close enough to where Marie had to look up to him.

"I had an amazing time. Thank you for giving me tonight," he said softly.

"You're welcome. Who am I to deny mac n cheese?"

Carlos chuckled as he squeezed her hands in his. His eyes never left hers and the soft smile never left his face.

"Can I, uh, kiss you?" he said awkwardly, enough to make Marie laugh in response. She looked up to him and smiled, nodding slightly.

Marie had deja vu as he filled the space between them and invaded every sense she had. Her hands found their place around his neck as his slid around her waist. His head turned perfectly enough to allow for their faces to match up, like that missing puzzle piece that was once lost and was now found. Marie's ever-busy brain was shut off, the only thing she could think of was how much he still felt like home. It had been a long vacation, sure, but she was home the minute his soft lips touched hers. It was a soft kiss, and Marie could feel him holding back from kissing her more. Part of her wanted it, the other part of her knew it was enough for her to figure out already. As they parted the silence continued to linger.

"I ... don't know what to say," Marie finally whispered as their faces were still inches apart.

"Say you'll go out on a date with me," Carlos said, not giving her the option.

"You've always been a man who likes to hear the word 'yes'," Marie said with a smile.

"I like it more when it's being screamed, but I'll settle," he said with a wink.

"You have not changed at all," Marie replied with a sarcastic eye roll.

"Some things will never change," Carlos said before planting a soft kiss on her forehead.

He grabbed her hand again, and led them out of the restaurant.

**

Marie was pretty sure that her and Erin had never sat in mutual silence like this before. No TV, no phones, just pure shock and mental processing as the girls sat on one bed in their hotel room.

"Okay," Erin said slowly.

"Okay," Marie replied, still staring at her friend after describing the events of the night.

"So, uh," Erin trailed off.

"This is really helpful," Marie said with deep sarcasm.

"Sometimes, I don't know what to say. It's not often, but it can happen. How... do you feel right now?"

"I don't know how to feel. I still feel so betrayed and hurt by this person for everything he has put me through over the past, like, six months. I was so hurt, it took me so long to get over that. I was finally moving on, but tonight, I mean, he told me everything I wanted to hear. He remembered all these details and did this huge romantic thing and said this whole speech and told me he loved me and..." Marie trailed off, taking a deep breath.

"And it felt like I was... on fire. I was shocked, of course, but when we were sitting there just talking, it felt like I was on fucking fire. It's not even a spark, it's a full-blown forest fire. Every time he looked at me I could feel the goosebumps and the pit in my stomach and the ache in my soul because of how that look made me feel for so long."

"This is good, keep going," Erin encouraged.

"I... still love him," Marie said with an air of coldness.

"Honey, we both knew that," Erin said with a small pat on her friend's back.

"I didn't want to accept it or believe it but I know I still love him, so that's not the issue," Marie said, looking at her hands in her lap. "I just don't know if I can trust him to not put me through this shit again."

"Sometimes people deserve a second chance," Erin said in a sing-songey voice.

"No, no. This just doesn't make sense. My life and my job is in London, I have my career back on track, I'm finally happy again. It would not make any sense to continue trying to make this relationship work when he's in a different country every weekend and would definitely be cheating on me."

Marie was on her feet now, pacing back and forth as she talked out loud.

"All signs point to no. All of the logic in the world tells me that this is a bad move, a bad investment, a regression in the trend. I can't do it again."

Erin cut her off, saying, "What is this, a business deal? Investment? Regression? Logic? Cut the bullshit, this isn't a logical decision to make here."

"Erin, I can't trust my heart to make this decision. I have a bad track record in deciding things with my heart, I mean my last two relationships were both a disaster."

"Your relationship with Carlos was not a disaster, Marie," Erin replied with a cut tone. "It was an actual real fucking relationship with a genuine man who cared and loved you, I could never categorize that as a disaster."

"Ughhhh," Marie let out a prolonged noise of frustration as she dug her face into her hands. "I have a date with him tomorrow."

"So then no major decisions need to be made tonight, or tomorrow, or at all. Just let the decision come to you- can you trust him or not?"