Book 2: Beginning Again -Carlos Sainz

Chapter 30

It was the morning of the grand prix, and Carlos was sitting in his driver's room, scrolling through instagram. He stopped at one post that caught his eye. It was a picture of a friend of his on a boat off the coast of Italy. Carlos stared at the photo until his screen went dark, only then seeing his reflection on the screen. Suddenly, he was back in the memory, watching her lay out on the bow as he steered the boat. He stared at her skin, seeing the little water droplets slowly evaporate off her. It looked like a still portrait from his view, the stunning oceans behind her. He smiled to himself as he increased the speed on the boat, letting the wind blow through his hair. He slowed the boat down to a stop, still trying to figure out how to drop the anchor. It wasn't long before he saw her stand, and then he felt her hands wrapping around his torso and the side of her face pressing into his back. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before, the feeling of complete and utter safety. It was knowing that he didn't need to speak, he just had to be there. The moment played out in his mind like it was an hour long. He exhaled, setting down his phone. It was that moment when he decided to make a plan. He would win this race, he would find her and scoop her into his arms, and she would be powerless against it. He would get her back using the best pickup trick he knew. Then, they would spend the whole night together and fly out the next day looking like they were running on an hour of sleep. He smiled to himself, knowing that this never failed him. After finally telling the truth to Charles, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her. He missed her face, her laugh, her body, the face she made when she concentrated on something. He didn't even know how much he missed her until her blonde ponytail appeared in his vision. Especially after last night, seeing her sassy side again. He thought about it through the entire dinner as he stole glances at her the entire night. Carlos was used to getting what he wanted, especially after he already got what he wanted once before.

**

"That works for me, I'll head out from the grand prix early to fly back for the meeting with you," Marie said to her dad as they walked down the paddock. They were making her way to the garage before the race was about to start, talking about their plans.

"I really think it would be good for you to be at this meeting, especially since you'll be starting your new job sooner rather than later," Gavin said. "I have been very proud of how you've been handling starting up the new social media team and your dedication to the company."

"Thanks, dad," Marie said as she felt emotions rise up in her. The words she had always wanted to hear.

"And I know how hard it must have been to come back to the paddock," Gavin said in a quieter voice. "It really shows me how much you care about this company."

Marie nodded as she replied, "this company is everything to me. It's all I've ever wanted, and I just want to make you proud."

"You've made me more than proud. You are a beautiful, intelligent, strong woman. You're so much like your mother that some days it makes me emotional," Gavin said with a slight break in his voice. He rarely spoke about her mom, and even more rarely cried. Marie herself was fighting back emotions. "You didn't let him stop you from going after what you wanted. As much as I want to kick his privileged ass for hurting you, I'm even more proud of how mature you are."

Before Marie could reply, Gavin cleared his throat and continued talking. "Okay so, we will head about probably halfway into the race and go straight to the jet. You have everything?"

"Yep, I'm all good," were the only words Marie could say as she held in all her emotions. As happy as she was with the validation, she knew the only one she wanted to share this with was Carlos. She wanted to run into his arms and have him pick her up and spin her around. She wanted to tell him everything, to spill her guts as he watched and listened. She walked into the garage, immediately locking eyes with him. It felt like a cruel twist of fate, as she sent him her classic nod and small smile. Of course, she had to see him right as she walked in. Of course he had to look incredible. Of course his presence made her feel like she was sweating under the sun on a hot day. Of course she felt his eyes track her as she walked to the back of the garage. Marie felt the urge to leave, to run out of the room until she could breathe again. But she stood there, looking like she was bored and scrolling on her phone, even though she could feel her fingers shaking. She took a moment to think about how the summer break was coming up, which meant four whole weeks away from him and his stupid magnetism. That thought alone got her through the rest of the race before her and her dad snuck out the back. It wasn't until she sat down in her big, fluffy seat on the plane and pulled out her phone to see the ESPN notification that Carlos had won the race. She smiled at her phone, feeling a brief sense of pride for him. She really did want the best for him, whatever that may be and whoever it may be with. She was still smiling as the plane took off, heading back to her safe haven of London.

**

Carlos hopped out of the car, running to the sea of red. Hugs, pats, cheers, but Carlos kept looking around. He searched through the crowd as he accepted the praise, waiting to find her. Pretty soon he was being whisked away for the podium celebration.

"Okay, maybe she hung back in the garage with her dad, I'll see her after this," Carlos thought as he stood on the center podium, smiling out to the crowds. It was a great race, having him lead the whole time with a few battles here and there. Just enough to make him feel like he fought for the win. And god, it felt good. It felt good to hear the Spanish national anthem boom through the track. It felt good to shake the hand of some random white guy as he felt the weight of the trophy met his hand. It felt good to feel the champagne dripping down his body, laughing as he sprayed it right back. It all felt good, but Carlos couldn't wait to see how good it would feel to sweep Marie up into his arms. It was all he thought about until he stepped back into the garage, scanning the crowd. His heart was racing, feeling the imaginary music swelling as he looked for her. He could see it all playing out like the ending of a movie. The vibe of the garage was mixed, with Carlos finding out that Charles was in a bad mood after his crash. Through everyone, he continued looking for her. He spotted the replacement Marie through the garage and made his way over to him,

"Hey uhh..." Carlos said, racking his brain for his name.

"Mark," the man said with slight annoyance.

"Yeah, Mark, do you know where Marie is?" Carlos replied quickly with his desperation peeking through.

"Uh, she and Gavin left on a flight back to London a few hours ago. They had a company meeting to get to."

Carlos couldn't even fake a normal reply as his face fell. He felt like his whole body was coming down from a high and he felt like every limb was filled with wet sand. He stood there, looking aimlessly down at his boots. Mark had gone... somewhere, but Carlos couldn't be bothered. He felt empty. Standing in a garage with people cheering for him, holding a first place trophy, and accepting praise from his boss, he felt empty. He could finally put a name to the emotion that had plagued him for the past few weeks: empty. Everything had been empty since that day in the cafe, like nothing could ever mean anything anymore. Stepping out of denial was like being hit by a train of emotions, something that Carlos was deeply unfamiliar with. He ran a hand through his hair, realizing that his face might not portray the best image of someone who had just won a race. He plastered on a fake smile as he returned to real life, getting through the rest of the evening. It wasn't until he got back to his hotel room that the feeling of emptiness hit him again. He closed his eyes, thinking about how this night was going to end in his brain compared to what actually happened. Before he opened his eyes, he felt a tear rolling down his cheek. He instinctively reached up to touch his face.

"I haven't cried in years, what the hell is going on with me?" Carlos thought as he wiped his eyes. It felt so ridiculous for him to be standing there and crying, but he couldn't believe it. It was too much for him to process all in one night, but there was one simple truth that he could no longer ignore.

"This won't be like any other breakup or ending. I just gotta get my head straight."