Book 2: Beginning Again -Carlos Sainz

Chapter 39

Marie felt like the heat was never ending, as she fanned herself with... something. She avoided the garage all week, but it was quali day and Marie had enough professionalism in her to know that she had to be there. She was counting down the weeks until she was back in London, when her time in the traveling circus would be nothing more than just a silly anecdote to tell. Marie glanced down at her phone, continually surprised at the lack of texts and emails. Since Mark had taken over her job, she had increasingly less grunt work to do and more of approving things before they were posted. She embraced the free time at first, but now it gave her too much time to think. Which is what she credited to her late night text to Carlos. She woke up that next morning praying it was just a dream, but she knew that in her dreams he would've been there, sweaty and naked. Marie hadn't seen him since, a fact she welcomed until that pesky free time had her thinking about him way more than she wanted to. She opened up Instagram, surprised that she saw she had a message. She clicked on it, quickly realizing it was just Chad, replying to yet another one of her stories. She scrolled up in the convo, realizing that he had been reacting or commenting on almost every single one of them since she saw him last.

"This is pretty weird," she thought to herself as she tapped back to her homepage. She was instantly hit with Carlos' very sweaty face and upper chest. She felt her grip strength suddenly falter, causing her to almost drop her phone at the sight. She continued to stare, feeling like her eyes were popping out of her head. Of course, he had posted a thirst trap. Of course it was one of his notorious sweaty gym selfies that made Marie lose all feeling in her face. It was... glorious. It took her a significant amount of effort to lock her phone and look back up at the screens. Qualifying wasn't about to start for another few hours, and Marie could already feel her brain betraying her. Something about the heat in the air made her lose all rational thought and think with her vagina, she decided.

"A distraction," she thought, "that's exactly what I need right now."

She was about to turn around and wander through the garage when she felt something. It was someone looking at her. She kept her eyes glued in front of her, waiting for the feeling of being watched to go away. Usually it was some gossiping mechanics or guests in the paddock that stared. It wasn't until she felt someone enter her personal space that she sucked in a quick breath and closed her eyes. She knew exactly who was behind her before she even had to turn. His smell was a dead giveaway, but there was something about his presence that was different than anyone else. Marie could tell that he was about an inch behind her, mostly because of the breath she could feel on the back of her head as he pretended to look at the monitors in front of her.

"Hi," he said softly.

"Hey," Marie replied, still refusing to turn around.

"You look really pretty today," Carlos said with a smile she could hear in his voice.

"Uh, thank you," Marie replied, feeling caught off guard more than anything.

"I liked your text," he said as his voice dropped an octave.

Marie was briefly grateful that she wasn't facing him as she felt the color rush to her cheeks.

"What did you like about it? I was just bored and jetlagged," Marie said with the most monotone, bored tone she could manage.

"You forget that I know you," Carlos replied, letting his lips brush against her ear. "I haven't forgotten anything."

"I don't know what you mean by that," Marie replied, continuing in her monotony.

"I mean," he said as his fingers reached up to stroke the exposed skin of her arm, "I know what you sound like when you're horny, even through text. We've spent a fair amount of time apart, and I can tell."

Marie tried to come up with something to say, literally anything. But she couldn't stop thinking about the overload of sensory information being sent to her brain from his fingers brushing on his skin. She felt like her brain was on fire and all she could do was close her eyes and try to process it all.

"I feel like I should tell you that I thought it was insanely hot. You had me thinking about that little PJ set you wear to bed and then I couldn't sleep," he continued, letting his fingers trail to her waist. Even with a layer of fabric, Marie's brain went into overdrive. Although her emotional mind had moved past him, her body craved everything that he had done to her, over and over again. She could feel her body wanting to press back into his, to feel him through his pants. Her body told her it would be easy to just fall back into the comfort of him. His smell, his smile, his body, his massive, brown eyes. His love...

"Not love. He didn't love me," Marie thought, suddenly snapping her eyes back open. She stepped forward, out of his touch, as his fingers slid off of her. The clarity of being free of his touch gave her more confidence to say what she needed to say. She turned around to face him, wincing at how beautiful he looked. She never thought a man could be described as beautiful, but he really was. His hair was effortlessly messy, piled on his head after his warm up. There was a hint of sweat still lingering through his fireproofs that clung to his body. He returned his devilish hands to his sides and he was staring at her with an intensity that normally would have shaken her to her core. He actually smirked, with half a lip upturned and fire in his eyes through his long lashes. It was a real sight for sore eyes, and even more of a sight for a woman who was in a mental fight between her higher brain and her vagina.

"Carlos, I can't lie to you, it was a moment of weakness. I tried to backslide, but geography made that impossible. And your fucking selfie on Instagram today... I'm sorry though, I just can't... go back there. Not after everything that happened. I do want to be friends though."

Marie glanced at his face, but the look of pain was more than she could handle at the moment. She looked away, crossing her arms as a sign of the emotional walls she was putting up. He had too much access to her, and he was still trying to use the backdoor he had created. There was no way she was going to let him have even a sliver more of her, even if it meant getting to have sex with him one more time.

**

Carlos had never felt like more of a creep, loser, dirtbag, or idiot. He stood there, in front of her, feeling like his arms were out of place. He felt like his whole body was out of place with the way she looked at him. Like that look was meant for someone else. Part of him was hurt by her words, and even more hurt seeing how she looked when she said them. He never really had to see her be upset after their breakup, and now he couldn't deny the fact that what he did hurt her. She couldn't even look him in the eye as she shifted her weight in place. Carlos couldn't find any words to reply, so he stood there with his mouth slightly agape like it was ready to be used. He thought through everything he could say, all the ways he could apologize for hurting her. Instead he just said

"Yeah, okay. I get it."

She threw him a small smile before ducking her head and practically sprinting away from him. To everyone else, she walked normally, but to him she was running as far away from him as she could. He stood there, thinking about everything. That day when they broke up, how she disappeared and he felt an emptiness inside him, how normalcy returned when she did. He got called over to talk with his team before he could think any more about the girl who ran away.

This wasn't the time nor the place to have a deep thought, he had a qualifying race to do.