Book 2: Beginning Again -Carlos Sainz

Chapter 40

From the minute the last race ended, all Carlos wanted to do was get home. He was tired of meetings, tired of talking, tired of working. He just wanted to be left alone. Until, he was. His bags were neatly stowed away and he had successfully completed what he wanted- to be alone, strewn on his couch. The silence was consuming him as he stared up at his ceiling. His manager kept asking him if he was alright, and Carlos tried as hard as he could to shake it all off. He had a terrible qualifying and a very mediocre race where, even though his strategy was fucked again, he didn't do much overtaking or battling. Deep down, he knew his heart wasn't in it that day.

"Finally," he said out loud to no-one, "I'm alone."

He closed his eyes, waiting for a feeling of tranquility, peace, calm, or something to wash over him. He waited, letting out a long deep breath. He crossed and uncrossed his legs, readjusting his arms. His mind drifted, right back to that garage and the look on her face. He saw it all, clear as day like a movie projecting into his mind. He couldn't quite decipher her look, right as she walked away. Carlos snapped up, sitting at the edge of the couch as he put his head in his hands.

"Food. I should probably eat something," he thought as he grabbed his phone to put in an order.

**

Marie tried not to slam down her empty drink as she tore it from her lips.

"Wow," Erin said with genuine shock.

There was a beat of silence before Marie looked at her friend.

"You never have just one word to say."

"I've never been this surprised before," Erin said, twirling her drink.

Marie motioned to the bartender for her third aperol spritz before saying, "Wait, make it a vodka soda. Three limes."

Erin just looked at Marie, the look of shock never leaving her.

"Marie are you alright? You've gotta tell me what happened at some point. I'm starting to get concerned."

Marie stared down at the thick, oak countertop. She waited until the drink appeared in her vision. Three limes, just as she liked it. She took a long swig before finally looking at Erin.

"I tried to bootycall him."

Marie watched as Erin nearly spit out her drink, choking in the process.

"You did WHAT?"

"I don't need a lecture from you."

"No lecture intended, I'm not a hypocrite. But this is so unlike you."

"It gets worse. Then he tried to, like, seduce me in the garage at work later in the weekend and I had to tell him that it was a mistake and that I don't want to sleep with him."

Erin rolled her eyes slightly as she took a drink. They might have been in a crowded bar with a lot of people, but Marie knew Erin's thoughts without her having to say them.

"Okay, Erin, just say it."

"I'm just saying that maybe you... do want to sleep with him?"

"I can't! I don't!"

"Well which is it? You can't or you won't?"

Silence filled the space between them like an icy frost. Marie took another long sip of her drink, already ready for the next one.

"Fine, truth?" Marie said when she set her drink down. "I do want to sleep with him. Every time I have to get my stupid vibrator out, I cry a little inside because I know it will never be as good as him. In fact, I don't think I'll ever have sex that good again. He made me feel... everything. I just, for a moment, wanted to feel good again and I just did something stupid."

Marie couldn't help but think about all of it as she talked about it. How he learned and studied her body like it was a map, getting better each time at finding the right curves and angles. He held her with care, like she was a priceless artifact, but still made her feel powerful.

"Girl... are you thinking about it right now?" Erin asked with a laugh.

"Yes, okay, yes I am! He's so fucking hot! And I am," she paused to knock back the rest of her drink, "drunk."

**

Carlos watched as Caroline paced his apartment. Back and forth, back and forth, the same rhythm of her steps as she pressed the pen to her chin.

"Carlos, you need to really think here. Remember everything she loves," she said, typing away at her phone.

"Trust me, it's not something I can really forget. You really think you can pull this off? That she's going to forgive me and trust me again after this?"

Caroline looked up at him like he was an idiot. "No, dumbass, this won't get her to trust you again. This will show her that you love her and convince her to give you a second chance. You better not fuck up all my hard work here by doing something shady."

"She thinks I don't love her," he said softly, looking down at the carpet. It was a fact he had come to realize all too many times: both that he loved her and that she thought he didn't.

"Carlos, she's going to think that forever unless you tell her otherwise. And better yet, show her while you're telling her. I need you to prepare a speech of some kind, that's literally all I'm asking you to do. I will take care of everything else."

"Okay. I think I can do that," he said as he pulled out his phone. He looked up at Caroline who had continued pacing. He opened a notes app and typed out "Dear Marie." His fingers faulted, hovering over the keys as if there was not a single thought in his brain to tell them to move. Instinctively he switched over to instagram and clicked on her page, something he did more than he cared to admit. He knew she was out drinking with Erin tonight, as she had posted an artsy story of their cocktails. His heart ached, knowing that they could've been together, in his house, cuddling or something. He clicked into her followers and scrolled, stopping when he caught the name he had forgotten about. He looked at Chad's profile, even though his bio alone made Carlos throw up in his mouth. This guy was clearly a pretentious poser, but when he got to the photos of him and Marie, it was purely anger that he felt. He scrolled back up to his most recent post that was captioned "You can't always get what you want, except if you're me." Carlos rolled his eyes as he clicked out of Chad's profile and back to his notes page.

"You can do this. Just put your thoughts into words," he thought as his fingers still wouldn't move.

**

"You know, he's in Monaco right now. You could fly there tonight and just show up on his doorstep. It would be so romantic. You're just like 'Carlos, I'm here, please fuck me'" Erin said as she doubled over in laughter. They were both way drunker than they intended, but Marie was still beating her out.

"No wait I'll just show up with a coat on, nothing underneath," she said through her laughter.

"I'm looking up flights right now," Erin said as she almost slipped off her barstool.

"Should I text him right now?" Marie replied.

It was an excellent idea. A truly magnificent idea. No greater idea had ever been thought of before. Marie could think of no downsides to it as she opened her phone and pulled up her texts. Her phone was blurry and she could barely see anything as she typed in his name. The next thing she knew, she woke up a few hours later.