Book 2: Beginning Again -Carlos Sainz

Chapter 41

Erin: We are never drinking like that again

I think I am still drunk: Marie

I almost texted Carlos AGAIN. Good thing I somehow never hit send: Marie

Erin: I should've stopped you but I was drunk texting my coworker.

How did that turn out?: Marie

Erin: He's snoring next to me. I'm 5 mins from kicking his ass out so I can sleep

I definitely can't sleep. I can't even leave the bathroom: Marie

Erin: For what its worth, I think you should talk to Carlos.

ABSOLUTELY NOT. I clearly don't know what's right for me when it comes to him: Marie

Marie laid down on the cool tile of her bathroom as she closed her eyes. She was reminded of the last time she found herself in this state, when she thought she was pregnant. She chuckled at the memory at first, but then felt the sadness well up inside her. She had gotten excited. She had made plans. She felt insane and stupid for it, but she hoped for and imagined their future together. She pulled out her phone and tapped into her email, a nasty habit that she knew she was never going to break. Her thoughts were stopped by an email from her dad, outlining the rest of the transition of her job to Mark for the next four races.

"Four races, four weekends. I can do that. I can be polite and not get drunk or irrational," she thought, before gagging at the mere thought of alcohol.

**

Marie was counting down the days until she didn't have to wake up in a random, albeit nice, hotel room. She practically groaned the whole morning until she sat down in the car with her dad and Mark.

"Okay, plan for this race?" Gavin said, looking at his phone like always.

Mark looked to Marie, waiting for her reply.

"This one's all you, buddy," Marie replied with a slight smile.

"Are you sure?" Mark whispered back.

"100%. I trained you well, you've prepared all the things for this weekend, so take credit for it now."

Marie watched the glow of pride on Mark's face. She had been rehearsing that speech all morning, and even while she was saying it felt nauseous. It was like handing away the keys to her kingdom, passing on the torch to someone else and just praying that they don't screw it up. These days were different for Marie. She trusted Mark to continue doing good work. She trusted her dad to be a good boss with her new position. She trusted herself to give it everything she had. She was already giving reports during the higher up meetings and impressing some of the other upper management at the company. She learned to let go, just a little bit more. Marie looked out the window as Mark continued talking, trying to distance herself from his nervous energy. She was already nervous enough, knowing that she had to show face in the garage without the best excuse of having to find a quiet place to work.

"Letting go right? That's the new theme of the season? Well today is the first day of letting go of any anger, resentment, or attraction to Carlos. He is just someone I know through work. I'm letting go," she thought as they all filed out of the car making their way to the garage. It wasn't a full minute until Marie saw a pair of feet in-step with hers and felt a presence next to her.

"Hey," Carlos said nonchalantly.

"Hey back. How are you feeling about this race?" Marie replied, looking up at his face.

And Ugh, did she regret it. His eyes met hers and she knew she had to look away or else she would grab him and never let go.

"Letting go. Just remember," she thought quickly.

"I'm feeling good. Feeling prepared and ready," he said with a quick pause, "I don't know why I just gave you the PR version of my answer, but I'm pretty nervous. I've been having a bit of a tough time with the car and I think we finally have it figured out now," he finished in a hurry.

"You can always tell me the truth," Marie said, choosing to maintain her gaze forward. She tried to ignore the cameras that she knew were on them as they walked in, mentally groaning at the headlines she knew she would read about it. "I meant what I said, we're cool."

"I'm glad," Carlos said with a smile. "So I gotta ask, what's the deal with the new guy?"

"Carlos you are genuinely horrible with names," Marie said with sarcasm. "HIs name is Mark and you better get used to him because he's my replacement."

"I knew that, but like what's his deal? He acts so weird around us, Charles and I have both noticed it."

"Carlos," Marie said as she turned to look at him, "he's a huge Ferrari fan. This is literally his dream job and his phone background is a picture of Seb's car. He's just nervous!"

"Oh come on, no one gets that nervous around us," Carlos replied.

"I happened to be very nervous before meeting you guys and I didn't even like Formula 1."

"'Didn't.' Past tense. Glad to know I've fully converted you to a fan now," Carlos said with a brilliant smile. Marie felt the smile on her face just looking at him. "And I didn't think you were nervous at all when we met."

"I am not a Formula 1 fan, I am a Ferrari fan. Strictly for business," she said with a raise of her eyebrows for punctuation. "And yes, even without being a F1 superfan, you and Charles are very intimidating guys."

Carlos stopped and looked at Marie, as they were well into the garage by now, but he couldn't bear to end the conversation there.

"You're never beating the allegations of F1 superfandom, I mean I know you have a thing for George Russell."

"I told you that in confidence!" She fake-whisper yelled. The smile on her face made Carlos feel at home, just bantering with his girl. The reply almost left his lips before he could catch it: "I knew you'd leave me for him if you had the chance." He was quickly reminded that she was no longer his to lose.

"Well, don't be shocked when I catch you sneaking over to Mercedes."

"You could never catch me."

She ended her sentence with a smile, throwing her hair over her shoulder as she walked away. Marie walked over to her dad, trying to subtly wipe the palm sweat onto her skirt. She hoped more than anything that he couldn't see her sweating or slightly panicking at how normal it all felt to just talk to each other. It wasn't okay, she should hate him. She should not want to look at him or speak to him ever again. Marie felt her breathing get quicker, a telltale sign that she was needing a quiet space to think.