Devil Dog MC #6 When a Man Loves a Man

Tim's Secret

TW: Mention of sexual abuse, rape  & drug use

Tim

     I sit here and listen to Rocky's story and I am hurting so badly for the little boy no one helped.  I at least had my sister who tried to protect me.  I listened to him sob and asked the question that I don't have an answer to.  I have no idea why is own sister did those things to him.  It's just sick in every way possible.  Rocky finally calms down and I still have my arm around him.  He looks up at me and asked "Don't I make you sick now that you know the truth man?"  I asked him "Do I make you sick Rocky?"  He looked at me like I had two heads.  He answered "No Tim, I done told you I don't care that you are gay."  I shake my head and give him a sad smile.  I tell him my secret "No Rocky that's not what I am talking about.  I told you my sister always protected me.  Well there were things she didn't know and I didn't tell her because she tried so damn hard to keep me safe you know?  I mean she was molested, raped, and traded for drugs all the time.  I didn't understand it at the time but as I got older I realized what was happening.  Anytime my parents tried to hit me she would take the brunt of it.  One day when I was eleven she had not come home from school yet.  I didn't go that day because I was sick.  Usually my parents would stay gone until the afternoon but that day they came home early and found me without Ana.  I remember seeing their wicked smiles.  I remembered a sinking feeling in my stomach.  They made a phone call then some people came over.  I already said in front of them one day that I liked a boy at school.  I didn't think anything of it at that time.  I just knew I liked a boy.  I really didn't understand then that I was gay.  That day they traded me for drugs.  I was sent into a room and I had to do things with these men.  I didn't want to but then when my father told me either I did it or they would wait for Ana to come home.  I didn't want my sister making any more sacrifices for me.  I did what they wanted.  I thought it would be a one time thing but it wasn't.  I was so dumb because I honestly thought that if I did it then that would mean that Ana wouldn't have too.  They never stopped selling her body for their drug use and I kept quiet because I didn't want Ana blaming herself for what happened to me.  I was raped for my parents drug habits and so was my sister.  Yet my sister is dead and my parents are still living.  I mean when I got my first boyfriend I was scared that he would know.  A good deal of people only think girls suffer from it but boys can too.  I couldn't protect Ana but I thought letting them do that to me would save her some of the pain little did I know it just made it possible for my parents to get more drugs.  I have kept that secret up until now.  I never even told my boyfriend that I had for two years.  So Rocky you are not alone in this but just know that what happened to you does not define you.  You were innocent and those sick bastards are the only ones who are to blame.  I know I am not to be blamed and I am not responsible for the sick individuals in my life that caused all that pain.  I wish I could have killed my parents though so I could have saved Ana from years of all that shit.  I mean I don't even blame her for her drug use.  I was mad at her because I wanted her to get away from it all but I know she had to dull the pain somehow.  All I know is I will die protecting Bea from that kind of life.  I know if Sam gets her he will sell or trade her for shit.  He put my sister through hell up until the day she died.  So Rocky just know you are a strong ass man to have survived that and don't ever feel weak because you couldn't stop it.  Your parents and your sister are the ones to blame."  

     I looked up to see Rocky staring at me and he didn't say anything.  Maybe he wasn't ready to hear my story.  Rocky reaches over and wipes the tears off my face then hugs me.  I hugged him back because right now we are just two little boys sharing a heartache that shouldn't have happened.  Is it wrong that I feel safe in this man's arms that I have only known for little over a month?  I reached over and wiped his tears that have managed to escape again.  We both kind of laughed at one another.  I asked him "Does your hands hurt Rocky?"  I reached for them and Rocky answered "Yes you idiot I punched the glass."  We both burst out to laughing on that.  We finally managed to gather ourselves up and go to get ready to take Bea to her check up.  I just hoped that Rocky knows he is not alone in this anymore.  I get Bea's coat since it's turned a little chilly outside.  She goes up to Rocky and puts her hands up.  It's her sweet little way of letting him know that she wants him to carry her out to the SUV.  We head out going to the appointment but as we turn the corner I see that Briana is standing there looking at us.  I wish I had never laid eyes on that girl.  We pulled into the hospital parking lot with fifteen minutes to spare.  Thank goodness our emotional breakdown did not last any longer.  I go in with Bea to sign her in while Rocky answers a phone call.  

Rocky

     I watch as Tim walks in with Bea.  I can't believe I told him my story only to find out he is also a survivor.  I answered my phone and got the worst news we could ever expect.  They have put out an amber alert on Bea.  I run inside and tell Tim we need to leave that it's an emergency.  He looks at me confused but something clicks and he covers Bea's head with her hoodie so no one can see her.  He runs to the vehicle and we take off.  We don't even stop at the house I go to the clubhouse near by so we can swap vehicles.  I am told that Widow and Karma will pack our clothes for us.  We get back on the road and head to a secluded cabin.  Prez is talking to a doctor friend working out the details about Bea's treatments.  I drive through most of the night so we can get off the road and out of sight.  I can not believe this is happening now.  We all really thought he wouldn't do the alert because it would cause to much attention on him.  We really need to find something on this guy that can put him away.  Once we figure it out I plan on doing away with Tim's parents too.  People like that do not deserve to be on this earth.  I wish I had met Tim sooner because I would have helped him save his sister.  We finally arrived at the cabin and when I say it's in the middle of nowhere, it's in the middle of fucking nowhere.  Poor Bea doesn't understand any of this.  We did stop one time on the side of the road to get her out for a minute but we couldn't take the chance of taking her into a store or rest stop.  Tim is scared shitless about losing her and hell I am too.  

     We get inside the cabin and it's small.  I built a fire so that Bea can get warm.  We do not need her getting sick.  Bea lays on the couch watching me build the fire and Tim has her wrapped up tighter than a burrito.  She smiles at me as I fight with the wood.  I get a splinter in my hand and let a curse word out.  I hear Bea's little giggle which makes us all smile.  Bea says "No no wurd Wocky."  I smiled back at her and said "Yes Princess a no no word."  I finally get the fire going and it doesn't take long before the little room warms up.  I walked into the bedroom but it's too cool in there for Bea.  I tell Tim to help me pull the mattress into the living room so she can sleep in here.  We rearranged the furniture and put the mattress in the middle of the floor.  We all end up laying on it with Bea between us since there really is no where else tonight.  I will figure out something tomorrow.  I kiss Bea's little head goodnight.  I go to lay my hand on her at the same time so does Tim.  We both kind of laugh it off but for a split second it was comforting.  Soon Tim falls asleep too and when I see he is really asleep I reach over to lay my hand on top of his that his laying across Bea. I look at Tim's face and he still has a youthful look to him.  Maybe it's the fact he doesn't have facial hair but he is good looking in a bookworm kind of way.  I catch myself laughing at that description.  I realized with the feeling of his hand under my own and I soon fell asleep feeling not so alone in this world.