Devil Dog MC #6 When a Man Loves a Man

Truth

TW:  Mention of physical, mental and sexual abuse 

Rocky

     Tim has been gone for a while.  Bea is playing with her castle and dolls.  I thought about calling to check on him but before I get the chance he opens the door.  I help him carry the groceries in.  I walked back inside with the last bag to see Bea run up to him and ask "Tacos?"  He laughs and tickles her belly.  He goes to start cooking and I follow him in.  I see he has stuff to make a cake too.  I asked about the cake but he looks sad.  He finally says "Ana's birthday would have been tomorrow.  I figured I make it a tradition to make her a cake every year and let Bea sing to her."  This kid has the weight of the world on his shoulder.  I walked back in the living room to watch Bea while Tim cooks.  Tim soon had the tacos done.  Bea ate a whole taco which made Tim happy.  She saw the cake off to the side then her eyes lit up.  Tim let her help him finish it.  She laughed and clapped her hands while singing with Tim happy birthday to her mommy.  It was the saddest damn thing.  Tim gave her a bath and put her to bed.  He came back out and said we needed to talk.  I went to sit down thinking he needed to talk about his sister but nope he wanted to talk about my sister.

     I sit here listening to Tim tell me about running into Briana at the store.  He told me how she was looking for me and described me.  She also told him she knew I was driving the SUV.  I don't know what to say because I don't know if I can share the truth with him.  I decided on the half truth tonight.  I tell him she is my sister but we do not have a good relationship.  I explained that I have had nothing to do with her for over ten years.   He just sits there not saying a damn word.  I need him to say okay and leave it alone but he looks like he is going to ask me somethings.  Tim asked "So is that why you have been out of it lately?  I mean because you saw her at the hotel and it kind of freaked you out?"  That was definitely not what I was expected at all.  I just shake my head yes.  He asked me "You want to talk about it?"  I shake my head no.  I get up and put my hands in my pocket because I need something to do before I lose my mind.  I keep telling myself no one knows and it needs to stay that way.  Tim looks at me for a minute then stands too.  Before I knew what was happening he held my hand and said "I understand there are some things you just can't talk to people about but if you ever need to I will listen.  I know what it's like to have a story that no one knows that you feel the need to keep quiet so you can protect yourself."  I feel him squeeze my hand then he lets go and walks back to his room.  I stand there for a minute wondering why Tim holding my hand felt like something I needed.  I guess I am just emotional today.  I look at my hand and a small part of me already misses the fact I don't feel his warmth on it anymore.  I rub my hand through my hair then step out onto the porch to smoke.  I see Siren pull up across the street and she has a guy with her.  I just laugh to myself.  I put out my cigarette and stand up.  I turn the door knob but someone calls my name.  I turn to see Widow.  Widow walks over and says "Siren can't help herself.  She went through some things and well doing this kind of stuff helps her cope."  I don't know why she feels she has to explain to me.  I tell her "It's all good, Siren can do whatever she wants. She and I are not anything to each other."  Widow stands there searching my face for something.  She finally speaks "Rocky just be careful with Siren and well Tim too."  She walks away before I can ask her what the fuck does she mean and Tim too?

Tim

     The next day I woke up and I am feeling depressed.  Ana would have been twenty four today.  I bet our parents don't even remember what today is.  I go in the kitchen and fix myself some coffee.  I hope Siren doesn't come over today.  I was looking out the window last night to see Rocky but what I saw instead was Siren with some dude going in the house across the street.  Siren can be loud and well I am just not in the mood for loud today.  If I didn't have Bea here with me I probably would just stuff my face and watch sad movies all day so I could cry.  I miss my sister and I hate the fact that I didn't save her.  I sat in the silence thinking about our younger years.  I remember that neither parent really cared about our birthdays but Ana would somehow come up with something.  I remember when I was eight and she had stolen a donut.  She stuck a toothpick in it and lit it.  She told me to hurry blow it out while making a wish.  I made a wish that day.  I wished that I would grow up and be able to provide for Ana so that she could go to school to be a nurse or a doctor.  However before I could even get there she was given to Sam as payment for drugs.  I tried to stop it all but I was beaten then Ana begged me to stop it because she couldn't stand me being beaten.  I still had to finish high school and once I did I worked on making more money so I could save her.  I was too late though, by the time I had enough money to help she already had Bea and she was addicted.