Devil Dog MC #6 When a Man Loves a Man

Too Late

TW :  Drug overdose 

Tim

     I have just gotten off of work when I decided to run over to my sister Ana's place.  I haven't heard from her in two days.  I try to make sure to check up on my niece Bea as often as I can.  I know my sister is struggling with her addictions.  I have tried to get help for Bea and her but Ana's boyfriend has connections to prevent me from getting Bea out of that environment.  My parents are no help, hell they used drugs as far back as I remember.  They are the reason Ana is in this mess.  They traded her for a fix basically.  I love my sister but I can't seem to reach her no matter what I do.  I pull up to her place and do not see her boyfriend Sam's truck.  I am glad because he would stop me from going inside to check on Bea.  I knocked on the door but no one answered.  I tried the door and it was unlocked.  I walked in and the place is filthy with drug paraphernalia everywhere.  I have to figure out how to get Bea out of this before something bad happens to her.  I don't see anyone downstairs so I head upstairs.  I hear Bea crying so I know they are home.  I walked into her room to find her with dirty clothes, a sagging diaper and red eyes.   She has been crying for awhile.  I picked her up took her over to the changing table to get her diaper off and saw that she is raw down below.  How could Ana let this happen to her baby?  I washed her off and placed some medicine on her to help.  I walked out with Bea to go find Ana.  I figured she was asleep in her room knocked out from her damn drugs.  

     I opened the bedroom door but did not see her.  I walked over to the bathroom and opened the door.  I stand there frozen looking at the lifeless eyes of my dead sister.  I see from the looks of things she has been dead for a while.  Oh Ana why?  I loved my sister and I wanted to get us out of this town.  I tried to runaway with her before but she didn't want to leave Sam.  She actually fell in love with the piece of crap.  I called 911 and waited.  I went ahead and packed a bag for Bea so I could take her with me.  The paramedics showed up soon and pronounced her dead.  I now have to go inform my parents and plan her funeral.  I still can't believe my sister is gone.  My parents are partially to blame for this.  I pulled up to their rundown trailer.  I get out leaving Bea in the car because I do not plan on going inside.  My dad opens the door and he is high as a kite.  I see my mother standing behind him.  My dad asked "What do you want kid?  You left the house so I ain't paying for shit!"  I wanted to walk away and never see these two again.  I tell him "I came to tell you both that Ana overdosed.  I found her today so we will need to plan her funeral."  I see they could care less.  My mother says "We don't have the money to bury her so if you want her buried you will have to figure it out."  All I can think is why did God give me these two as my parents?  I just turned around and left.  I stopped by Mcdonalds to grab Bea some nuggets.  I have no idea when she last ate.  

     Once we got home I put on some cartoons and we sat down to eat.  I called the funeral home director to try and figure out what I needed to do.  I found out that they would have to perform an autopsy first to verify she died from an overdose.  I have a couple of days to plan her service.  I made an appointment to go in tomorrow and speak with the director.  I don't have much money saved up but I do have some.  I have been trying my best to convince Ana to leave.  Bea has settled down watching TV and I look at this little beauty.  I feel so sorry for her.  I will let her finish eating then I will give her a bath.  She is filthy and her hair is so greasy.  I am so thankful I decided to go check on her.  I tried to make sure I spoke or saw her every three to four days.  I called in to work to let them know I would not be in for the next couple days due to a death in the family.  I knew my supervisor would give me hell and he did.  I hate the prick.  I picked up Bea and headed to the bathroom.  I scrubbed her little body and washed her hair a couple of times.  I dried her off then blow dried her hair.  I found some of her PJs to slip on then helped her brush her teeth.  I have had her for a couple hours and she hasn't even asked for her mommy or daddy.  We laid down on my bed and she fell asleep pretty fast.  I figured with food in her belly, clean diaper and medicine on her raw bum she is feeling a lot better.  I lay here remembering my sister.  She used to be so full of life.  Our parents didn't always have a drug problem.  They started when Ana was ten and I was eight.  There were plenty of nights we went to bed hungry.  Ana would steal bread from the local grocery store then take a cup and go door to door to ask for peanut butter and jelly.  She always made sure I had something.  I wanted to help her so much.  I wanted to see her happy and drug free.  Why couldn't I save my sister?  I leaned over and kissed Bea's forehead.  I whispered "Bea I will always take care of you love.  I will keep you safe."  I then said a silent prayer to Ana "I promise my sister that I will keep your daughter safe and I will make sure she doesn't grow up like we did."  I fell asleep soon after.  

     The next morning I had to go to the funeral home at ten.  I got Bea up and fed her some pancakes then dressed her in a cute little dress.  I brushed her hair placing it in a tiny ponytail.  I am not good with her hair.  I placed her in the car seat I had bought at a yard sale last year.  We made it with ten minutes to spare.   I got Bea out and walked in.  The director came and greeted me.  I know they all know how my sister lived her life.  I didn't expect much but still I wanted my sister to have a decent send off.  I know anyone else coming in would have been taken to a private office and offered refreshments.  He sat right there out in the open talking to me explaining how most likely I wouldn't be able to afford this or that.  I stopped him and said "Look I know my sister was a drug addict but she was still my sister so I would appreciate it if you did your job without judgement.  My sister was thrown into this life by her own parents so you can keep your personal thoughts to yourself.  My sister made sure I ate as a little boy.  My sister made sure I was clean as a little boy.  My sister made sure I got up to go to school as a little boy.  My sister was someone I loved very much and deserved better from life.  So I would advise you to tell me my options and then I will tell you what I want."  He actually had the decency to hang his head in shame.  We finished the meeting.  I chose to have her cremated because for one it's cheaper but mostly because I felt like my sister lived most of her life boxed in.  I will now make sure she is free.  We will have a small service at the funeral home for one hour then I will take her ashes with me.  I already know where I will spread them.  It's an open field with wildflowers that we use to go play in when she would want to get me away from our parents.  We would take some sandwiches out there and spend the whole day together chasing each other and butterflies.  I miss you Ana. I will take Bea to the store to grab some food she may like plus some diapers.  I will have to work on potty training her.  No one cares to help her and she is a smart little girl who I think will do well with it.  I am walking through the store and I see the judgment from others with the whispers about what happened to Ana.  Fuck all you people!  I want to shout out to all of them that none of them helped us when we struggled with our parents so don't act all high and mighty.  I loved Ana and she was just a lost soul.  

     It's been four days since Ana died.  Today I will go say a goodbye to her and pick up her ashes.  I did let my parents know about the arrangements but who knows if they show up.  I put on a pair of black slacks I wear to work with a white button up.  I put Bea in a black dress we found at the thrift store.  I know she doesn't understand what's going on but I will try to explain it to her.  We arrived and I see my parents are here.  They actually showed up which shocks me.  I walk in to the funeral home and Bea doesn't even react to seeing her grandparents.  The service started and was over within thirty minutes.  A total of five people showed up for it.  The funeral director told me that once I paid him his money I could take her ashes.  I walked in and paid him every damn dime I owed.  I was handed a box and looked inside to see what was left of my sister, ashes in a plastic bag.  I plan on going tonight when the lightning bugs are out to spread her.  I walked back out to see my parents were still waiting.  I don't even want to speak to them but they walk over to me.  My dad asked "Son can you loan your mom and I a few dollars?  We need to pay the power bill and well you sister usually helped with that."  I walked out with both of them calling my name.  I got to my car and saw Sam standing against it.  I felt my heart drop.  He tried to take Bea but she pulled back and grabbed onto me for dear life.  Sam said through clenched teeth "You can keep Bea for tonight but I will be by tomorrow to get what is mine."  He stormed off.  Hell no, I will not let this man get this baby.  I got Bea buckled in then told her "Let's go say bye to mommy and then we will go for a ride babygirl."