Aa Bi Jaa - Kareena

44

After six months.....

Haseena sleeping on the couch woke up with a sudden jolt, her heart was pounding faster in her chest. Her eyes immediately shifted to the bed, searched for a familiar face. But the bed lay empty, untouched, the blankets perfectly in place, and her heart sank.

Since Karishma had left, Haseena hadn't found the courage to lie down on the bed. The space felt different now, empty in a way that left her uneasy.

Her gaze shifted to her hand, where she was holding a familiar diary which karishma used to write.
This was her routine now, to read it every night before sleeping. 

She ran her fingers gently over the words, her lips curved into a faint smile. Karishma didn’t know about the diary till today. Haseena had planned to tell her before she left, to tell her that she had stolen it and how much every word in it meant to her. But the moment never came. And when Karishma left she once again decided to keep this to herself.

Sometimes, Haseena would write in it herself, penning down her own emotions. It felt like a conversation a way to bridge the distance between them even when they were apart. 

Haseena sighed, before reaching for the pen resting on the side table. She opened the diary to a fresh page.

Haseena gripped the pen, she leaned forward, pressing the tip of the pen to the page, allowing her soul to bleed into the words. 

"I don’t know where to start or how to even put into words what I’m feeling. You know why I have started writing this? In the hope that you’ll read it someday when you will come back. In the hope that you will also hold these words like I am holding yours. You will also understand the depth of my love like I understand yours. But for now, I'm not not gonna tell you about this diary because it’s my secret a way to keep you close, when you feel so far away from me.

I don’t even know how to live like this anymore. These days and nights, every moment of my life without you it's getting unbearable day by day. it’s like my heart has forgotten how to stay calm. Every corner of this room screams your absence. Whenever I close my eyes, all I can see is you, your cuteness, your laughter, your anger, your smile, your shyness. But than when I open my eyes and don't see you anywhere and this kills me the most.

Do you even know how much I’m missing you? I’m not sure you'll ever realized how much I crave for your presence. I'm missing every little thing of your Karishma. I am missing your shyness, the way your eyes bow down, your cheeks flushed whenever I stepped closer to you. That hesitation in your eyes as though you tried to shield yourself from how much I affected you. I miss it all, Karishma, because it made me feel alive, as if I held a piece of your soul in my hands.

I am missing your anger, the fire in your eyes when I gave you an order you didn’t like. The way you stempled your feet, clench your jaw, but In the end, you always followed through, trusting me more than anything.

I am missing the care behind that tough exterior of your face, that you always wore. And your voice… your ‘G, Madam Sir.’ How can three simple words echo so loudly in my mind, over and over? That immediate response, no matter how late, no matter in which situation, in which condition you are. You were always ready, always there for me.

Every night, I miss the way you waited for me. You never said it aloud, but I knew you wanted me to pat your head, to give you that small touch of reassurance. I saw it in your eyes the longing you, that unspoken wish for a small touch of comfort.

Do you know what it feels like to have everything you need around you and yet your heart couldn't find peace, couldn't find happiness because the one you are looking for is not with you. I can't explain this in words I don't know if you also feel the same without me or not but I don’t know how to keep going without you not being here with me, without your love wrapping around me It’s as if my whole world has shifted, and I don’t belong here anymore....."