The adoption (regression)

(24) Cooking

DANIEL POV

As I start getting out pots and pans I can't stop thinking about Micheal. He had slipped.

I didn't even want to think it when I was around him in case I would jinx it. The first time a little slips is always fickle. Yet once they slip for the first time it's easier to get them to slip, and the more they do it the more comfortable they get with it.

I glance at my watch as I fill a pit with water. Amelia and him should have been down by now. I push my worry away, if Amelia needed me she could call for me. I know I can tend to take the spotlight, so to speak, when it comes to the fosters. My daddy dom side is almost impossible to please, especially since I know we can't keep the fosters as our own. It's Amelia and my job to help our fosters find a little space so they can be matched with their forever home in the community. Maybe one day we will give up the fostering job to settle into the community ourselves, but for now we have a contract to fulfill. And for the years that we have been doing this it has made us happy, and filled what we've wanted in life.

MICHEAL POV

The timer went off a few seconds ago, its sharp noise cutting through the quiet stillness in my— the room.

"You can come out now Micheal." It almost makes me wince when Amelia uses my name instead of one of her nicknames. I slowly turn around, my head hung low.

"M' sorry." I give a half felt apology, still slightly upset by my predicament.

"I accept your apology, but in the future can you promise me you will try to use your words instead of hurtful actions?" Amelia squats down so she is the same height as me, her hands grabbing mine gingerly.

"I know it can feel good to throw or break something in the moment but later we have to deal with the consequences of those actions. What if one day, let's say we are in the den, and something upsets you so you throw whatever you have in your hands. Let's say when you throw the object it hits either Daniel or I, we know you wouldn't mean to hit us but because we didn't use our words to express how we were feeling we accidentally hurt someone." Amelia talks in a soft tone, her eyes never leaving my face but I can't hold eye contact as a flush of red grows deeper on my cheeks.

"I didn't mean to." I sniffle, tears pricking at my eyes as a strange fuzziness creeps at my mind. I shake my head to get ride of it. I might not be able to remember much of the past couple of hours right now but I do remember that feeling. I don't want to feel it ever again.

"I know sweetie, and it's okay now, you did your timeout and you apologized. It's all in the past now, but do you want to tell me anything? Do you know why you smashed the paci?"

"I-I was mad because I'm an adult, I shouldn't be having accident, I shouldn't have a pacifier!" My voice gets higher as I force myself to face all the embarrassing things I've done since I've been here. I was perfectly normal before, I could take care of myself and I never cried, I never felt as much as I have the past couple of days. And I hate it, why can't things go back to the way it was?

"But you're not sweets, you are still just a kid." Sure I wasn't eighteen yet but it already felt like I was years older than that.

"I'm old enough not to need any of this, to not need anyone. I was fine by myself."

Amelia looks heartbroken...for me. "But were you happy?"

"I-I...No." I can't think of a lie, and maybe for once I don't really want to lie.

"Were you safe?" I take a long time to answer, my throat is tight and my eyes sting. Tears are just barely being held back.

"No." I finally force the answer out.