Haunting You - Boys of Tommen

Stuck

"Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I got a war on my mind" - Lana Del Rey

September 22nd, 2005

Hugh:

My head had been all wrong in the recent months and nothing seemed to fix it. No amount of time spent with my friends or Katie managed to appease me. 

It was like I had a constant headache, and Liz was both the source and the cure. 

Lizzie wasn't doing well since the summer either, she had doubled down on her behaviour that gave her the infamous title of Viper. She had been horrible to everyone and I could tell the group was growing less and less understanding. .

Besides Shannon and Joey, everyone seemed to be near the end of their rope with her. She drove me crazy, with the way she haunted my every move and thought and the fact that I could never truly be done with her. 

Claire was growing more and more tired of her behaviour, and Gibsie and Katie were wearing thin from being her personal punching bags. 

I knew I should be focusing on Katie, given everything she told me on the beach trip, but the revelation the night before had me tethered and I couldn't help but replay the interaction in my head. 

Katie was my girlfriend, she had never hurt me, she had never broken my heart. I never had to explain her actions to my friends or apologize and beg them to understand what she's going through. Yet, I couldn't get the girl who had done all of that and worse out of my goddamn head. 

Most days I ignored her, I had tried helping her in my early years at Tommen and we had talked more and more last year, but I just wanted to be done with her now. 

"Do you ever feel like, you just can't get past something?" I ask my best friend. I would confide in him about my feelings towards Liz, but I can't handle the judgement. Patrick was a good lad, sure he had the reputation to sleep around, but he would never get into a situation like mine. 

"How so?" He asks, picking the meat out of a sandwich his Mam had packed for him.

"Like, whatever you do, you're like stuck." 

"Um, like you can't move on?" He asks.

"Yeah I guess."

"Um, yeah I know the feeling." Patrick replies, looking at me curiously. 

"And?"

"And what?"

"What did you do about it? How did you get past it?"

He looks down at the table, "well, I don't know, I guess just put it out of your mind."

"That used to work, but now it's not."

"Hugh, please tell me you are not fucking talking about Lizzie Young."

"What? No that was years ago." I reply defensively. 

I can tell that he doesn't believe me, but he's not pushing it. "Okay, then, I don't know how to deal with it."

I sigh, "me neither."

"Hi Hugh, Patrick" Katie says as she sits down at our lunch table.

"Hey" I respond and Feely just nods at her.

"What were you talking about?" She asks, tentatively unwrapping a granola bar from her backpack. 

I say "rugby" at the same time as Feely says, "giving Hughie some advice."

She chuckles, "well which one is it?"

"Katie's very wise, how 'bout you ask her." Patrick says and I if I didn't know better than I would think he was trying to get me in trouble.

"Ask me about what?" Katie asks looking up at me with me with her big green eyes

"Oh, it's nothing" I tell her, and I expect her to push for more information, but she just looks resigned and turns her attention back to her uneaten bar. 

She doesn't speak until Aoife and Joey join us and I feel horrible, because I know that she knows what I was talking about. 

Patrick doesn't speak either, which isn't exactly odd for him, but just a weird coincidence, and after about ten minutes, he escapes to the music room. 

"Hey Hagnus, when's the next match?" Aoife asks me.

"Hagnus? It's Hugh." I correct her. 

"Yeah that's what I said, Hagnus." Aoife replies and I feel like I'm on the outside of an inside joke.

Katie lightly hits Aoife's arm, "don't call him that."

"Did I do something to offend you?" I ask, wondering why this girl, who I've hardly spoken to is insulting me. 

"I don't know have you?" Which is met with another harsh look from Katie, "Aoife, just stop."

"I'm confused." I say and I look to Joey for clarity but he's clearly backing up his girl with whatever she's doing.

She sighs, "men, always confused, I don't know how you put up with it K."

"Aoife, just let it go." Katie warns. 

Lizzie and Shannon join us then, and I keep my eyes trained on Katie, and watch as she takes minuscule bites from her food. 

"Uh, thank God that Thor isn't here." Lizzie says. "I don't think I could go another lunch period with his idiocy." 

"Liz, be nice." Shannon reminds her. 

I got why Lizzie hated Gibise, it was unwarranted but she needed somewhere for her pain to go, she couldn't make her peace with her sister, and all of those unsaid words had changed into hate over time, they had grown dark inky roots and sharp claws. What was once love that has nowhere to go had been condemned into toxins that bubbled out of her skin and poisoned those around her. 

"You never answered me."

"About what?"

"The next match, when is it Hagnus?" Aoife asks impatiently

"Next Monday, but-" I'm cut off. 

"What the fuck did you just call him?" Liz asks, looking like she's ready to turn all her hate on the poor girl.

"Hagnus."

"His name is Hugh."

"Is everyone deaf? That's literally what I just said." Aoife replies, with the same look in her eye, I saw when she took down Bella Wilkinson on school grounds. 

Before Liz can further escalate the situation I step in, "don't worry about it Liz, it's just a nickname."

Shannon and Katie are literally holding their breath awaiting the inevitable Lizzie blow up and I feel fucking tired of it all. 

"How 'bout we take a walk Lilly" Joey suggests popping a hard candy in his mouth and walking over to her, they leave without another word. 

Thanks for reading! - H <3