Haunting You - Boys of Tommen

Broken

"But I wish I was dead (dead like you)" - Lana Del Rey

December 23rd, 2005

Lizzie:

"He raped my boyfriend!"

"Fuck."

"What are you talking about?"

"I found your letter."

"You're suck a fucking bitch!"

"Please, it's okay."

"Are you saying it was him?"

"You're a fucking liar!"

"Read this."

"I let you down."

"But I saw tonight."

"I've written you this letter."

"Let it be known that I, Caoimhe Young."

"Goodbye, sweet boy."

"Did you see how she used to prance around in that little Tommen skirt, what was she expecting?"

"On the night of April 5th, 2000."

"Thank you for attending the celebration of Caoimhe Young's life."

Every thing, every horrible moment I had endured in this godforsaken life I had been forced to live played at once, circling around my mind, holding me captive. 

Once again I was five years old at Bethany and Peter Gibson's funeral.

"She said we need to leave him alone and give him time." I explained, as we exited the stuffy church.

"Time?" Claire asked.

"Yep."

"Time for what?"

"Don't know," I shrugged, "but Caoimhe says it's important."

"I want to hug him." Claire said.

"You should, you give the best hugs."

"Your hugs are pretty good, too, super squishy."

"But your hugs feel like sunshine." I tell her, and she smiles.

Everything is happening and I can't fucking handle it, I'm feeling so goddamn much and it's killing me. 

I'm dying. 

"I'm really sorry about your dad, Gibsie," I said hugging my friend. "And your sister too."

"Thanks, Liz," he said, returning my hug. 

"Oh, I brought this for you, sorry it got bent in my pocket." I say, as I pull out the daisy in my pocket, that I brought from my garden, "it's for the grave."

"Thanks, Liz," Gibsie says pocketing the small flower, "thanks for staying lads," he says to Patrick and Hugh.

"We'll always stay, Gibs," Hugh replied, wrapping one arm around him, and the other around me. 

I loved Hugh, whenever I went over to have a playdate with Claire, I always secretly wanted to spend all my time with him. It annoyed Claire, but she would just find Gibsie and then we were all happy. 

"Liz!" I heard my sister's voice and cringed, I was going to be in trouble. "What were you thinking running off like that? Mam's looking all over the place for you."

"Aw, crap. I better go back." I grumble, and Hugh offers to walk me to her. He was always doing nice stuff like that. He was the best. 

"Is something wrong with her?"

"Why are you doing this Claire?"

"He's dyslexic, and you just made him feel about two feet tall in front of the whole school!"

"I like haunting you, Liz."

"Oh my God, what the hell happened to you?" 

"I fell."

"Yeah, because sticks and stones will break my bones and words will make me starve myself to death?"

"God, you can such a bitch sometimes."

"Congrats on getting the whole team punished, Thor. You've outdone yourself."

"So, you don't think I'm capable of looking after a child?"

"Nope."

"If I recall correctly, my sister babysat you an awful lot when we were kids."

"Thanks for the trip down my memory lane."

"And you liked it when she babysat you."

"Did I?"

"My deepest condolences for your loss."

"Viper."

"You've gone too far this time Lizzie!"

"I know you're hurting."

"She's not just a corpse, Liz."

"This isn't you."

"We are gathered here today."

"No, what would be going too far is telling him that Peter Biggs saved the wrong child from the water."

"For my part in your pain, for my silence, I can never say sorry enough. I can only hope that my absence gives you some comfort, because while I know I wasn't your abuser, my lack of willingness to believe your truth hurt you in ways he never could."

"Jamie's a nice boy, you could do a lot worse."

"Can you hold me?"

"Did you hear what they're saying about that Allen boy?"

"I think you're like my ghost, except you've got stuck haunting me, and you don't want to."

"Your sister killed herself!"

"And it's too hot, Mammy made me wear tights and this big cardigan," Claire complained as she picked at the buttons holding together her funeral outfit. "I'm still not too good with buttons, Liz."

"That's okay," I reply, reaching for her cardigan, "I'm excellent."

"I heard the note wasn't enough,"

"You were a good friend, but you haven't been a good friend since Caoimhe died."

"Yeah, I still love you Liz, I never stopped."

What was happening to me? I couldn't fucking breathe, just being in my mind was torture.

Claire, Shan, and Johnny had gone after Gibsie, and the rest of our broken group was looking at me like I was the monster, and I guess I am. 

Only Hugh was really looking at me, like I was me, and I just wanted to run to him, I wanted him to be mine again and I wanted to be his. 

And when he moved closer to me, I crumpled into his arms, there was no way I was staying upright if it wasn't for him.

The letter we had all just read was damning but I couldn't wrap my mind around it. 

"Is it true?" I ask, the tears flowing freely from my eyes, I knew my eye makeup was probably making me look insane, but then at least the outside would match the insides. 

"I don't know Liz," Hugh says as his hand strokes pieces of my hair, "I don't know."

Thanks for reading! Not going to lie I had a vision with this chapter, but I kind of struggled with it, so let me know if it doesn't make sense, and I'll change it. Also thanks for all the kind comments on my previous chapters! - H <3