Haunting You - Boys of Tommen

Nervous

"I got cursed, like Eve got bitten" - Taylor Swift

January 8th, 2006

Lizzie:

It was the last day before school started up again and I was dreading going back. I knew what awaited me, and I wanted to put it off for as long as possible.

I don't even know what I'm feeling about the situation, because I'm just so lost. 

The Gardai got involved with the situation with Gibsie and Mark, and it was official. Mark never raped Caoimhe. He was still responsible for the death of my sister, but it was no longer in the way that we had thought. 

I still had so much hate stored up for Gibsie, but I knew I couldn't direct it at him anymore. And I had been a horrible fucking person for my actions over the last five years.

I mean I knew I had been, but in my head it had been justified and now. I didn't know what to think or how to feel. 

Hugh had been non stop calling me and had come to my house the first few days after it all went down, until I yelled at him.

Not my proudest moment, but it was all becoming too much for me, and I was feeling suffocated by him. I told him I needed time, that I needed to be alone. It was probably the worst thing for me but I wasn't exactly known for healthy coping mechanisms.

My mother had been in shambles over the whole ordeal and my father had even come back to see us. I hadn't seen him since last Spring when he left us. He called sometimes, and I sometimes answered but that was all.

I couldn't blame him, I wanted to leave too. But leaving Ballylaggin wasn't enough, for me, anywhere on earth wasn't enough. 

My father didn't stay long, he just came for a night and learnt the truth about what had really happened to her daughter. 

We were all in disbelief and horror about how everything went down.

I had never dreaded going to school, like I did in this moment because it would be different this time going back. Everyone's eyes would be on Gibsie and me. They would feel pity for him and disgust for me. 

Because you would have had to been blind and deaf to miss how I had treated Gibsie especially in the recent months. I never cared what people thought of me, but this felt different somehow.

I would also be facing the first day of term, for the first time ever without Claire at my side. She had been my friend for my whole life, and now we were over.

I still had Shannon,Joey, and maybe Patrick but that was all. Unless if you counted Hugh, but that was a whole other story. Shannon always seemed to have my back, even when I didn't deserve it and I knew she planned to remain neutral. But I knew it would be difficult, especially because Johnny and Gibsie were best friends and Shannon was attached to her boyfriend, and what was I going to do? interfere with their love?

Nope, I couldn't do that to her. 

So, I was just going to have to suck it up, and somehow find a way to get through my last year and a half at Tommen.

It shouldn't be that hard, right?

Thanks for reading! - H <3