Agent Nebraska (RVB Blood Gulch Chronicles)

Season 1: why are we here?

Two soldiers on top of a base, one clad in maroon armor, Simmons, the other in orange, Grif.

Simmons: Hey.

Grif: Yeah?

Simmons: You ever wonder why we're here?

Grif: It's one of life's great mysteries isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know, man, but it keeps me up at night.

Both stare at each other in silence.

Simmons: ...What?! I mean why are we out here, in this canyon?

Grif: Oh. Uh... yeah.

Simmons: What was all that stuff about God?

Grif: Uh...hm? Nothing.

Simmons: You wanna talk about it?

Grif: No.

Simmons: You sure?

Grif: Yeah.

Simmons: Seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out.

Grif: Mm hmm.

Simmons: The only reason that we set up a Red Base here, is because they have a Blue Base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue Base over there, is because we have a Red Base here.

Grif: Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other.

Simmons: No, no. But I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and if they would come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoopdee-fucking-doo.

Grif: What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys.

Three soldiers are watching Grif and Simmons from atop a cliff, one wielding a sniper rifle and in cobalt armor, Church, one wielding an alien weapon, Binary rife, and in black and blue armor, Unknown, and the other standing behind him in aqua armor, Tucker.

Tucker: What're they doing?

Church slowly turns around to face Tucker, lowering his rifle while Unknown is still looking through his.

Church: (aggravated) What?

Tucker: I said, "What are they doing now?"

Church: (frustrated) God damn, I'm getting so sick of answering that question!

Acid: (looks at them) same here, at this point me and Church are taking turns on asking that stupid question.

Tucker: (defensively) You both have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit. Don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick.

Church: (interrupting) Okay, okay, look... they're just standing there and talking, okay? (getting angry) That's all they're doing. That's all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last week, that's what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So, five minutes from now, when you ask us, "What are they doing?" Our answer's gonna be, "They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there!"

The three fall silent.

Tucker: ...What're they talking about?

Church: ...You know what? I fucking hate you.

Unknown: ... imma shoot him.

Back to Grif and Simmons.

Grif: Talk about a waste of resources. I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life... you know, fight them.

Simmons: Yeah, no shit. That's why they should put us in charge.

A soldier in red armor, Sarge, is looking up at Simmons and Grif.

Sarge: Ladies, front and center on the double!

Simmons: Fuck.

Grif: Yes, sir!