Donut stands on top of Red Base in pink armor.
Donut: Dude, this is sweet! Command was so happy that I got the Blue flag, they gave me my own color armor!
Grif and Simmons look at each other.
Grif: Uh... hey, Donut?
Donut: What?
Simmons: Um, about your armor...
Donut: What about it?
Simmons: How do I put this... Your armor is, um... It's a little, um... Grif, uh, you wanna help me out here?
Grif: It's pink. Your armor is frickin' pink!
Simmons: Yeah, that's it. Pink.
Donut: Pink? My armor's not pink!
Grif: PINK.
Simmons: Yeah, definitely pink.
Donut: You guys are color-blind. Why would they give me pink armor?
Grif: Hey, don't ask, don't tell.
Simmons: (over Grif's laughter) Heh, that's not funny.
Grif: (laughs a little more) It's a little funny.
Donut: Look at it, it's not pink. It's like, uh.. a "lightish red".
Grif: Guess what? They already have a color for lightish red. You know what it's called? Pink.
Donut: I hate you guys.
Sarge: (running up the ramp with Lopez in tow) Well hello, dirtbags. ...and a fine hello to you, madam.
Donut: It's LIGHT red.
Sarge: Don't get your panties in a wad there, Barbie. Do you have a package for me?
Donut: Yes sir.
Sarge: Excellent.
Donut: (holding up a mechanical unit) They said this speech unit should work with Lopez.
Grif: Speech unit?
Donut: (handing the unit over to Sarge) Here you go.
Sarge: Affirmative. Command was fresh out of speech modules when I started building Lopez, but once I get this baby installed, I'll finally have someone intelligent to talk to. ...No offense, Simmons.
Simmons: Oh, don't worry, I know who you meant, sir.
Grif: Wait a second.. Lopez is a robot?
Simmons: Of course he is. You didn't notice that he never talks?
Grif: I just thought he was a really quiet guy.
Sarge: And the fact that he sleeps standing up and drinks motor oil didn't get your attention?
Grif: Well I-I did think the motor oil thing was a bit odd... Uh, I just thought he was trying to impress me.
Simmons: Hey, sir. You really should ground yourself before handling that card.
Sarge: How come?
Simmons: Because static could damage the card.
Sarge: Come on. That's an urban legend they use to sell those stupid bracelets. (Grif and Simmons look at each other) And I suppose Pop Rocks and soda's gonna make my stomach blow up! (he inserts the card and there's a visible electric discharge which makes him jump back) YOW!
Simmons: Sir. I won't say "I told you so", sir.
Sarge: Good. I'd hate to make Strawberry Shortcake here my new favorite Private.
Donut: It's not pink, it's lightish red!
Caboose, Unknown, and Tucker outside the Blue Base. Tucker's armor is clean, but Caboose and Unknown's is still black.
Caboose: (panting) Ah, man, uh, you know, this stuff does not come off easy?
Tucker: Yeah, this was a lot easier when we were cleaning just my armor.
Caboose: Yeah, I know that, that's I think because you know, uh, YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
Tucker: so didn't Unknown, he's just standing there.
Caboose: yeah, if you helped, it would be going faster.
Unknown: I'm sorry, what? It's kind of hard to hear you over the sound of your constant team-killing.
Caboose: Ah, ah, aaahhhh ha ha ha ha ah yeah, ah yeah aha, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh... Don't make me mad.
Back to Red Base
Donut: So, what happened to me anyway? I recall something about a spider on my head?
Grif: Right. That was a grenade.
Donut: And the last thing I remember.. is a loud bang.. and then Simmons fainting...
Grif: Ha! Told you so!
Simmons: I did not faint.
Sarge: Done and done. Lopez. Activate speech unit!
Lopez: Buenos días. Y gracias da por activar mi función del discurso. Soy el número de modelo cero uno cero uno uno tres cuatro ocho ocho dos tres. [Good morning. And thank you for activating my speech function. I am the model number zero one zero one one three four eight eight two three.]
Donut: (over the last five numbers) Am I the only one not understanding any of this?
Lopez: Me llamo López. [My name is Lopez]
Grif: Lopez, he just said Lopez! I understood that. I can speak Spanish!
Sarge: Lopez, speak English.
Lopez: Mi procesador de inglés ha funcionado mal.Se habla solamente español. [My English processor has malfunctioned. I speak only Spanish.]
Simmons: Huh, I think you shorted out his speech unit with that static, sir.
Sarge: Maybe Princess Peach here picked up the wrong model.
Donut: Seriously, dude. For the last time: Not pink.
Sarge: Lopez. I order you to speak a language we understand.
Lopez: Negativo. [Negative]
Sarge: Well this is just dandy. Lopez, HOW - DO - WE - FIX - YOUR - SPEECH - U-NIT?
Grif: Why are you talking so slow? He understands us just fine. Maybe you should try listening slower.
Sarge: Lopez, would you like to shoot Grif?
Lopez: (raising his gun) Sí señor. Gracias.[Yes sir. Thank you]
Grif: No, stop! Uh, alto, alto!
Simmons: Alto means tall, you dumbass.
Grif: Then why do they put it on stop signs?
YOU ARE READING
Agent Nebraska (RVB Blood Gulch Chronicles)
FanficNow what happens when a group of idiots in the middle of a box canyon have a new person with them. And the only thing that the new person knows is that he's one of those idiots, and wouldn't have it any other way. I do not own Red Vs Blue or Halo.
