"One way or Another." [ Chrollo x Reader x Hisoka ]

"At night"

"This shit is insane." 

I grunted and tried to stay still. Chrollo's ability gave him a wide range of nen options, which meant that he could easily do surgery using somebody else's power. However, this wasn't an option, so Chrollo had to try his best to stich me up.

"You don't- FUCK!" - A needle started sowing my flesh together. Meat, skin, arteries, veins. Everything was being pierced by a thin, but oddly strong needle. 

"Don't move, you're almost done." - Glaring eyes shot at my contorted face.

Eventually the procedure was over, I was still in pain for a plethora of reasons and Kuro still didn't want to speak. The tension was palpable and the thoughts running through our... at least my, head were speeding to conclusions and reasonings for our actions tonight.

"He left your heart intact. I don't know if that matters to you." - His voice was a bit raspier than normal, something in his tone displayed too many emotions and it sparked something that made me doubt the veracity in his words.

"I love you." - Chrollo practically whispered the words into the wind, but my head whipped around once he did, I felt shame and embarrasment. Slowly, I looked back to the ground just to plop down on the operating "table" I was on.

"I... can't answer that this time." - My face cringed when I said that, while pretty grey eyes dashed between every motion my body did. He stood up, paused then walked over to me.

"Is it because I said it first? Why can't you say it? Do... Do you not feel it anymore?" - Kuro had been showing a lot of emotions lately, they made me uncomfortable. But I do love him. I know now more than ever, I've always loved him and always will. 

"That's not it. I think I've put you through enough... I mean, the danger I came to protect you from is dealt with. There's no binding reason to keep worrying you, or hurting you. I feel that it's time we solve these issues alone." - I thought I'd seen the worst reaction to betrayal from Kuro at that restaurant when I first came back. His face was pale, and his eyes were blank. I instinctively grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a towering hug.

"We already talked about this. I need you, I don't need another reason. I just need you, that's it."

I couldn't listen to him, if I did I'd go back on my word. He needed to be away from me. He's changing too much, if he keeps going through this path he won't be able to lead The Spider, or be his normal self, at all. He needs to let me go, I'm not saying it's for good. I can't stand life without him. 

I need him so much more than he could ever need me. I need his voice, his hair, his shimmering eyes. The infliction of fear everytime he speaks with emotion. The breath of air he takes when I lock eyes with him. The sigh he lets out once he sees me with Hisoka. I need him, in every sickening way I can imagine. I damn near died in the desert, and still the only regret I would've had was leaving him alone.

 Because I needed him, and since I didn't know he needed me I almost got him killed. I messed around with one of the biggest rival families, just to piss him and Hiso off, and now I can't look him in the eyes without thinking that I could never deserve or be worthy of his gaze. 

Illumi left my heart intacted because he knew, other than his needle, he was never inside of it.

"I can't do it, Lucilfer. Please, just take advantage of me. I don't want to leave again, but I can't stay in good consciousness while you treat me without harm." - My eyes were watering and my voice had started to crack, yet he still lifted me gently and sat me down in a comfortable manner as to not hurt me. When he broke our hug, I could see his dead-wanderer's eyes and I was terrified.

"If you need me to do something, I will. I'm no longer the Spider's head, I don't have nen. I can give them order's but I'm not theirs. I'm yours, please, don't ever say you need me to abuse you. I can't, in anyway, hurt you because now you know that I need you." - As if this were the most important speech of his life, he threw away his elegance and was pure with me.

"Lucilfer.. Please. Just tell me what more do you need from me?... What do you expect of me? I see you like I see nobody else. So..please. Tell me how to make you forget me."