What wasn't there before |Sanemi Shinazugawa x Reader|

❄️25❄️

After returning from the battle against Douma, the loss of Kanae weighed heavily on both of your minds. Sanemi wouldn't show it, but he was a mess after her death and hadn't uttered a single word since burying her body. The way back to the butterfly mansion was silent. You were agonizing about telling Shinobu about the death of her sister, as it would shatter your best friend.

 You gazed over at Sanemi's figure from behind and sighed softly. As much as you wanted to be there for Sanemi, you couldn't help him; instead, you decided it would be best to keep your distance once you two returned to the butterfly mansion. You wanted to help him but knew it wasn't your place since, in a way, you were an obstacle between him and Kanae. 

"(Y/N)!" a voice called out to you which caused your body to stiffen.

It was Shinobu calling from the entrance.

"You're back! How was the mission?" Shinobu smiled happily at your return. "Hm? I see you and Sanemi, but where's my sister?"

The words couldn't reach your mouth, and you choked a sob instead and fell to your knees.

Sanemi, who was right beside you, avoided Shinobu's confused gaze and tightened his fist in frustration.

 Shinobu's eyes widened, your trembling lip and tears forming in the corner of your eyes. Shinobu knew.

Her knees gave out, and she covered her mouth to let out a muffled cry. 

Since losing Kanae, you've heard from other fellow Hashira that Sanemi has just thrown himself into mission after mission, refusing to slow down to try and distract himself from the pain of losing his loved one. 

You, on the other hand, refused to go on any missions anymore. You felt that Kanae's death was all your fault. 

As for Sanemi's confession, you decided to leave it behind and not face it right now. In a way, you felt responsible for Kanae's death. Shinobu had tried to tell you otherwise, but you did not listen. You knew that Kanae wanted you to take care of Sanemi for her, but you couldn't and wouldn't. 

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"(Y/N)....please eat", Giyu said as he held a bowl up to your face.

You looked at him with dark circles under your eyes, "I'm not hungry..."

Giyu sighed as he put the food bowl down. "(Y/N) I'm worried about you. It's been two months since Kanae's death, and you've barely been eating; please tell me how I can help you."

You avoided Giyu's eyes. You knew he'd been worried about you, but being around him felt suffocating. You didn't deserve him; you didn't deserve anything.

"Giyu..." you whispered.

Giyu came closer to you to hear you clearly, "Yes, what is it?" His eyes wandered to try to look into yours.

"....leave me alone...and stop coming over..." You got up to put some space between yourself and him.

Giyu, taken back by what you said, felt a sudden rage fill his chest. He had been trying to help and support you for the past two months, and this is how you treat him. He knew that Kanae's death was affecting you, but that was no excuse for the way you'd been acting.

Giyu approached you and yanked your arm to force you to look at him.

"STOP BEING RIDICOULOUS! YOU KNOW THAT I CARE ABOUT YOU! YET YOU TELL ME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Giyu screamed and held you by the arm.