Book Two: KOTLC One-shots and More

Stellarlune 40: part 2 (Keefe POV)

His fault.

Eleanor may still be alive, but her father was dead, and Keefe had been--however indirectly--responsible.

"How? You didn't ask to be a part of any of this!" Foster reminded him.

"Yeah--but that doesn't change the fact that I am!"

He felt the journal slip from his hands as he began to spiral downward.

"Should I not have told you?" She asked, looking at him in concern.

He shoved the journals away and flung several of his colored pencils away. "No, this is good," he told her. "I need these kinds of reminders--especially since I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself because none of my friends wanted to stop by and see me. Like anyone would want to--"

"Hold on," she interrupted, reaching for his hands and holding them tightly. The feel of her hands on his was enough to stop him. He wasn't used to very much physical contact, not anymore. "No one stopped by because of me, Keefe," she continued, gazing at him with that cute little crinkle between her eyebrows.

Holy flaredon, he'd missed that.

But she was still talking. "They wanted to. But I wasn't sure if you'd still be training with Grady, or if you'd be wiped out from that, or if you were ready to be around that many people. So I told them to let me check with you first, to see how much you could handle, and then we'd figure out who could visit tomorrow. I'm sorry if that was the wrong call. Want me to hail them all and tell them to head over?"

That made him feel a little better. A lot better, actually. But he shook his head. "No, you were probably right. It's better for me to be alone."

"You're not alone."

He fought a smile as he gazed back at her. He loved hearing her say that--loved it even more because he knew, even with his empathy not working, how much she meant it. She always refused to give up on him. It made his heart do very foolish things, like hope.

She averted her gaze, and Keefe almost wondered for a moment if she'd snuck a peek into his mind and heard his embarrassingly sappy thoughts. But...she wouldn't do that, not without his permission. She turned and went to gather the art supplies he'd tossed in his frustration. "I'm sorry," she said as she moved. "I'm probably handling this all wrong. Want me to hail Fitz? I know he'd rush right over."

"Yeah, to see you," Keefe muttered. He didn't feel it was a good sign that he was sitting there thinking about just how far gone he was for this beautiful girl right at the moment when she brought up Fitz, her long-desired maybe-boyfriend.

"No, to see you. You're his best friend, and..." her voice trailed off as she looked down at the notebook in her hands.

Keefe cringed when he saw she had the green notebook in her hands, and was looking at the picture he'd drawn of her and Fitz's Cognate training. She was staring at the picture with an odd, almost affectionate look on her face.

Was that because she liked his depiction of her, or she liked seeing her and Fitz staring at each other all intense like that?

"Oh, um, thanks," he mumbled, reaching out and taking the notebook. "Guess I shouldn't throw stuff."

He knew she noticed the color of the notebook.

And she sat there looking like her brain was working overtime, making embarrassing connections. But then...he'd told her how he felt in that note.

And she hadn't mentioned the note once.

Like she was trying to let him down easy?

But she didn't do that with Dex. She plowed right in, determined to address the issue so they could move on. And she wasn't doing that with Keefe, either.