The List (Keefe POV)

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Keefe went to Atlantis alone to pick up his first list of matches. Alden had offered to go with him, but he declined, saying he was used to doing things alone.

But mostly it was because he knew Alden was going with Fitz to pick up his list, and he didn't really want to go with Fitz, not for that.

Not when he was secretly hoping to see Fitz's girlfriend's name on his list.

Just wishing for that always felt like an offense to their friendship, somehow. He couldn't help that he was in love with Foster. He really couldn't. But it didn't make him feel any better about the fact that he often hung every hope on the wish that his best friend's relationship would crumble.

"I know, Keefe," Alden had told him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "But that doesn't mean you always have to."

Keefe had smiled at Alden--a true smile--and said, "I know that. You and Della have always made that clear."

"And what of our offer to throw your Winnowing Gala here at Everglen?" Alden asked him. "Fitz isn't interested in throwing one, at least not if Sophie's name is on his list. And Biana is already telling us she doesn't want to pick up her lists. It'd be nice to throw one Gala for someone we love that we can still look back on one day with fondness."

Keefe frowned, thinking of Alvar.

It was a wound that still hurt them all.

"I don't blame you," he replied. "And I would love that."

Alden smiled at him. "You know we love you like a son, so it would be an honor. When would you like to hold it? We can get invitations prepared pretty quickly once you get your list to us."

"I'll bring it to you later today, then," Keefe told him, deciding immediately. Might as well get it over with, even if the main draw of the Gala in his mind was the fact that people he loved--people he knew loved him--were taking on the role traditionally taken on by parents and hosting his Gala.

And then he made the journey to Atlantis. Curiosity burned as he was handed the scroll, but he didn't open it until he was safely hidden away in his room in the Gold Tower.

And there it was.

Right where he'd always known it would be.

For all the faults with the matchmaking system, they did still know how to discern compatibility.

And there was proof, right there in print. He and Sophie were compatible.

He didn't need a list, or a matchmaker, or the Council to tell him what he already knew.

But that didn't mean that he didn't enjoy seeing it on paper anyway.

His number one match was Sophie Foster.

He didn't really care about the list. He didn't care that they would be a good match if they ever got together. He didn't care about any of the other names on his list. All he cared about was the fact that his name would be on her list too.

Hopefully higher than Fitz's.

He hated himself for even thinking that, but he couldn't really help it.

He felt like his last hopes hung on the list somehow bringing her out of the oblivion--even if it was far more likely that she'd just find Fitz's name on her list and they'd continue to plan their future together.

The thought made Keefe's stomach churn so much he was afraid he'd lose his breakfast.

He did the only thing he could think to do in that moment. He needed to talk to someone, and it couldn't be Fitz, not for this.

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