To live again

Extra 1 - Unattainable love

This extra chapter is set in past after Dream’s and Cross's breakup (mentioned in chapter 17)

- 4 years ago -

Dream gave an exhausted sigh as he slowly made his way home. Today really got the better of him. Just another hard day.

Got up early in the morning to offer his aid in the refugee camps, then traveled to a few AUs to help. But for the worst, Nightmare showed up with his gang. To his luck Blue showed up later as well to give him some back up. Though it was a rough fight and also not winning one at that. They were defeated and left to deal with the mess. Though Blue insisted on him first going to the hospital to get his wounds checked up.

In his opinion it wasn't that bad. It was just a few deeper scratches, maybe something fractured and a broken rib. He could have just quickly cleaned himself up and continued in his work as usual, then treat the injuries properly, when he got home. But Blue wouldn't let it go, so he agreed in the end. After he got patched up, he helped a few more people until it was dark. Now he was finally heading home.

Standing in front of his house, he fetched his keys out and unlocked the door. A relief washed over him as he stepped inside.

“I am home-...” He called out, but stopped himself. His small smile vanished as the cold realization crept in. Nobody else was here. He was alone. Cross doesn't live with him anymore…

A lump formed in his throat. It stung. His eyes twitched. He shook his head. He has to stop thinking about it.

He took off his shoes and went to the kitchen. He didn't feel like cooking, so he opened the fridge to see if he got anything  that would be a good enough meal for dinner. He found a plastic container he didn't recognize. Then he remembered. Blue paid him a quick visit yesterday to check on him and gave him some leftovers from his cooking for dinner. Dream didn't feel too good the previous evening, so he just left it in the fridge instead. The sticky note with a few kind words from Blue was still on the container. His friend is way too sweet for him. Cares more than he should.

Well, dinner is taken care of for today. He took off the lid and found mashed potatoes with some vegetables and meat. He quickly microwaved it and started eating. Despite being already a day old, it still tasted pretty good. Or maybe he was just way too hungry to care for any imperfections. Nevertheless, it was nice.

After he finished, he looked up from his plate. He stared at the empty seat across from him. More thoughts poured into his head. A burning sensation overtook his throat. His stomach twisted to the point, when he felt like throwing up what he just ate. He immediately turned his attention to something else. He needs to stop overthinking it.

He got up from his chair and left the dishes in the sink. He'll wash them tomorrow. He feels too tired today. Dream told himself and slowly made his way upstairs. His footsteps echoed through the hall. The house was quiet. Too quiet. It all felt so wrong. The silence, the emptiness, the melancholic feeling that plagued his home, it wasn't right.

He arrived in his bedroom, feeling defeated. He really tried to keep it together today, but some things cannot be helped. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes. He immediately collapsed on the bed and started silently sobbing.

It was for the better. It needed to be done. He repeated to himself as more tears started to run down his cheekbones. He had to end it. There was no other way.

He hugged a nearby pillow and just cried. Breaking up with Cross was the right thing to do. But damn it hurt so much. Cross meant a lot to him. He loved him to the moon and back. Cross was the one skeleton he would spend an eternity with. But truthfully… Dream didn't think he really had a future. At least not a good one as far as he could tell. He was the guardian of positivity. He owed his loyalty to the multiverse. And unless Nightmare had some magical change of heart, Dream didn't see his life heading in a good direction. He couldn't afford to drag Cross down with him. Compared to him, the monochrome skeleton had a chance at a peaceful life. He couldn't take that away from the one he loves so dearly. Even if it meant, he'll have to let go…

His grip on the pillow tightened, when he remembered their final confrontation. The sad pleading look Cross gave him as he begged Dream to reconsider. It haunted him. He wanted to be selfish so bad. He wished to give their relationship one more try. But if he did, the heavy guilt would weigh him down for the rest of his life. Cross deserved better.  Cross deserved a better life, a better future. And Dream wouldn’t be able to give it to him. The choice became clear.

Dream couldn't abandon his duty to the multiverse, despite just how much he wanted to. He didn't get to decide on being a guardian, he was born as one. If he was more careful and observant, maybe the apple incident wouldn’t have happened in the first place. Then his job wouldn’t be so hard and complicated. Not only that. He wouldn’t have been alone. His brother would have stood by him.

Sometimes he imagines a reality, where he never was a guardian. The idea of just being normal, sounds amazing. Him and his brother being ordinary kids growing as any other child should, going to school, getting a part time job and other stuff. Maybe he and Cross would be able to meet and fall in love in that world too. Then they wouldn’t have to worry that much and could just move forward together. Even if it isn't real at all, a feeling of jealousy bubbles up inside him any time he thinks of it.

He knows what he did was right and necessary. He has repeated it to himself everyday since then. But he feels so lonely. The house is too empty and too quiet. The other side of the bed feels unusually cold.

He continued to hold onto the pillow tightly until his hands went numb. He wept until he had no tears left to spill. He was just so exhausted. He couldn't find it in him to get up and change. So he just laid there as his eyes slowly closed shut as he fell asleep.

Yet, when he woke up, the pain of yesterday was still there.