I Don't Care That You Broke Me- JaxXfem!reader fanfic

Therapy Session

Two days later, I was laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, I sighed. Jax was so, so confusing sometimes. He didn't tell me a thing that could've helped our situation... Does he even love me anymore? He has to, right? Right?...

Someone knocked on the door, and my head shot up, bumping on the pole of my bed. "Ow..." I grumbled, rubbing my forehead, and I heard Caine's voice, slightly muffled by the door.

"Y/n! I'm respecting your privacy by knocking, so... open up!" He called, and I sighed. "Just come in..."

The door flew open, and Caine came in, stopping beside me. "Y/n, I just wanted to know... why have you been skipping my adventures recently?"

"I haven't been in the mood." I muttered back, not looking at him. "Well, why not?" He replied.

"I just haven't."

"Is..." He hesitated, looking a bit confused, not understanding at all. "Did- well, did something happen?" His voice was awkward, yet curious, but still childishly flamboyant; god this would get annoying fast...

"...yes and no." I said softly.

"What- huh? What is that supposed to mean?"

"I-" I sighed, unsure what to say. "It's nothing, Jax has just... been avoiding me lately, and I... I don't know why."

"Ohhhh... that? That's nothing! Stop worrying about it Y/n, he's just- grumpy!" Caine exclaimed, and confetti came down from the ceiling. I felt no better, and just gave him a weird look. He seemed to get the hint, and calmed down, sitting beside me.

"L-look, Y/n, I just-..." He sighed. "Jax just- he can't talk to you. Alright? I'm here to tell you to stop trying. He doesn't want you to talk to him anymore and he couldn't handle telling you himself. Just leave him alone, and I promise, you won't be-" He stopped himself, then continued. "Just don't try." With that, he flew out of the room, closing the door behind him. But me? My blood felt cold. This digital blood in a digital body in a digital circus in this fake, worthless digital world, with digital. F[!@ 🎩#$]king. Love. Nothing's real. Is it. Nothing at all. There's nothing worth it here, everything's fake, I'm fake, the relationship was fake, Jax is fake, my life is fake, all of it, it's not real, it's not REAL!

My digital breathing was uneven at this point, digitally fast and suffocating, my digital hands grasped at my digital body, my digital head, the digital blankets, the stupid digital f[!@ 🎩#$]king room, I tried to tear off the digital censor as I screamed.

"F[!@ 🎩#$]KING S[!@ 🎩#$]THEAD YOU A[!@ 🎩#$]HOLE, YOU ABSOLUTE MOTHERF[!@ 🎩#$]KER, I SWEAR ON MY [!@ 🎩#$][!@ 🎩#$][!@ 🎩#$][!@ 🎩#$][!@ 🎩#$], I'M GOING TO-"

"Y/n?" A voice called. "It's Zooble... can I come in?"

I was panting slightly, my throat a bit sore. They came in anyway, and sat down beside me on the bed. "Caine tried to give you a therapy session, didn't he..." They asked, and I nodded, breathing raggedly.

"I'm going to murder that s[!@ 🎩#$]tty ringmaster, I swear to f[!@ 🎩#$]k, he'd better have balls because I will cut them off with kitchen scissors and make him scream so loudly it breaks the sound barrier, I-" "Y/n." Zooble interrupted, and I paused.

"What." I growled, and they gently grabbed my shoulder, making me look at them. "Caine tried to give me a therapy session too. It sucked and was worse than trying to do a tattoo with no reference, but he tried. And right now, you can talk to me. Ok?"

Shakily, I sighed. "Fine. ...it's stupid, though."

"And? You looked and still sound like you're going insane, so it's clearly bugging you."

I hesitated, but then the words just started flooding out of my mouth. "...I just... I feel like... like Jax is just playing with me. Like he didn't mean it at all when we were together and he doesn't love me at all, even though we spent so much time together and I just... I don't know anymore." I trailed off, and Zooble sighed.

"Yeah, men can be really s[!@ 🎩#$]tty sometimes." They responded. "I've had my fair share of boyfriends who turned out to be players... Women can be a[!@ 🎩#$]ses too, there was this one girl who played me for over a year... turned out she'd been cheating the whole time."

"Wow... that sounds... awful." I replied, "Knowing you, though, you took care of it, I bet." I felt a small wave of sympathy for this mix-and-match jumble of pieces, and Zooble let out a slight laugh, and nodded. "Heh, yeah, I definitely did.. She probably still has all the cigarette burns I gave her the night after I found out."

I smiled a bit, glad she'd gotten what she deserved. Zooble continued, "I don't remember her name, or even her face, but... after that incident, I'd stopped dating for a while, and... y'know, tried to forget about it, I guess." They paused, looking up at the ceiling with an expression in their eyes that I couldn't quite recognize, but it looked like... the way Jax used to look at me. "I think I've found the right person, though. I... have honestly liked Gangle for quite some time." They admitted quietly. "I just haven't found it in me to confess."

I nodded a bit. "Yeah, I get that. Confessing can be hard."

We sat in silence for a bit. My chest didn't hurt as much. It was nice, honestly, to have someone who understood what I was going through. Finally, Zooble stood up. "I think I'm gonna go and see if Gangle needs help with anything."

"Alright."

With that, they walked out of the room, leaving me in silence. Jax was a b[!@ 🎩#$]h, sure, but... maybe I can move past it. I just have to distract myself for a bit, like Zooble said. Yeah, I can get past this. I just need to stay strong and show him I don't need him... and maybe that'll be true one day.

I stood up, giving myself a small shake. 'Alright, Y/n. Time to start trying to forget about how much I liked that jerk, 'cause from now on, he's nothing but that- a jerk.'

I headed towards the door, determined to get rid of these lingering, meaningless feelings. I opened the door, and-

"Wh- Jax, what the hell are you doing here?!" I asked, glaring a bit as I rubbed my forehead, which had collided with the tall rabbit's chest.

"Oh, nothing..." He shrugged, a grin plastered on his face. "Just checking how the oh-so-independant Y/n is doing, now that I'm not there to give her affection."

I rolled my eyes; he really is just a jerk. "Why now?" I growled, a bit fed up. "After four months of just pretending I don't exist? ...and I'm doing fine, thanks."

"Heh, sure you are." He responded, pushing past me and sauntering into my room, grabbing my diary off the side of my bed. "Hmm, let's see what's in here..." "Hey, don't touch that!"

"Too late, N/n~" He smirked, and opened the pages. "Let's see, drawings of me, more of me, me, me, some more drawings of me..." He paused, and looked down, where I was trying to reach my diary. "Damn, you really are obsessed with me... I almost feel bad, putting you through this..." He shoved the diary into his pocket, and I reached in, to find- nothing? My arm waved around in there for a second, but nope, pure empty space. I glanced up at him, confused.

"What the hell? Is your pocket just a black hole?" I asked, and tried to peek inside. He laughed, and shoved me backwards. "Ooh, someone's being nosy~" He said, his voice dropping to a seductive tone. I stumbled away, annoyed again. "Oh my god, you are so confusing!" I shouted, and he laughed again, getting closer.

"Babe, come on, you know I would never really abandon you..." He purred. "Oh, really? Then what the hell was that four months of ignoring me?" I shot back, and he grabbed my waist, pulling me close. "Shh~ Baby, I promise you, I can explain, just let me hold you for a bit..." Jax's voice was like a spell. I knew he was lying, that he'd just betray me and hurt me again, but... god it's hard to resist him sometimes.

With a sigh, I relaxed, letting him hold me. "Fine. But you'd better have a damn good explanation." I whispered back, and my eyes closed, still as weak to his touch as I was all those months ago.