Bound By Blood.

ch.75~Distance and Panic.

"I can't make it tonight... again. 

No news of upcoming raids, but Harrys being extra cautious. 

His eyes are solely on you. 

Be careful."

Recovered Translated Correspondents between Order Member Alexandra Brooks, To Death Eater Mattheo Riddle, 2003.

Order safe house, 2003.

Alexandra.

I felt used. 

See-through. 

Betrayed. 

Hurt. 

I don't know how he did it, how in just a few short minutes he was able to go through my mind, and while we were doing what it was we were doing. 

I felt so dirty. 

So used.

I know he said he didn't do it on purpose, swore it up and down, screamed it actually. 

I so desperately wanted to believe him. 

But, I knew I never fully could. 

And now, I knew for sure I couldn't trust myself around him. 

They way in which he spoke my own secrets, words that never even left my mouth, right back to me... it made my skin crawl. 

I didn't know what he knew... only what he confessed to knowing. 

I knew he wouldn't tell me. 

The echoes of his words reverberated in my head long after I left—the way he yelled, insisting he wasn't the only one with something to lose. 

I had known it was true then, but the realization weighed heavier now. 

He had everything... And as the boy with everything, he now had every secret I thought I had locked away was out in the open, freely accessible to him.

Just like that, he had the means to dismantle my life, to bring the Order to its knees, knowing full well the power he held over me.

The betrayal gnawed at me, a persistent itch beneath my skin that I couldn't reach. 

I couldn't shake the feeling that he would use it all, given just a moment—a slip-up on my part, a miscalculated move in our twisted game, a moment of complete and utter weakness. 

I could envision it clearly: one order from his father, one mission gone wrong and he could end me, expose the Order's vulnerabilities, bring chaos and destruction like a storm sweeping through a dry field.

I knew he said he didn't do it on purpose, that I slipped and it all came through... and I don't have the gift he possesses, nor have I ever known anyone with it, but I couldn't shake the feeling that these thoughts don't just flee from my mind and into his without a bit of prying...

Fuck. 

But what haunted me more was the duality of my feelings. 

He had to know how confusing this was for me, he seen it.