Kabanata 27
Rafael's POV
I woke up so early dahil hindi ako makatulog, lahat ng sinabi ko kay Celeste was just echoing through my mind.
Lumabas ako ng unit ko because I decided to take a walk near the shore. The unit in front of me where Celeste was staying is already empty.
Naglilinis na ang mga staff doon. How hurtful were the words I said last night? This is the first time she actually left me alone.
Well, I was expecting her to leave after hearing all those words from me.
Pipirmahan niya na ba 'yong mga papel na 'yon? I guess she left for real. This is for the better.
Yesterday passed in a snap.
Today as well. There wasn't much going on. Wala na din akong narereceive talaga na message which is unlikely of her dahil palagi iyon, everyday.
And today's my third day of stay here, ganoon pa din. It was peaceful, nothing reminded me of Celeste.
I guess I can finally go home? I packed my things up and left for Bataan.
Did she really stopped this time?
Nabbwisit ako sa sarili ko maybe because I was confused. This is what I wanted, to end this fucking chase.
Gabi na nang makarating ako sa Bataan, to our home. There was no sign or traces of her arrival here.
Her things are still here, walang nagalaw mula noong umalis ako, except ay sobrang linis ng kwarto ko, walang bakas ng cake na nasira.
I started to feel like something was not right.
Nagsend ako ng message kila Tito to ask if she'd gone to their house, only to find out she didn't.
"Where are you?" I whispered. I'm just worried baka may nangyari, because that night, she went home right away after our hurtful exchanges of words.
What if she's drunk when she left.
I checked my other phone. Nakakita ako ng ilang missed calls from her.
And from another number. I quickly dialed the number at mabilis iyong nasagot.
"Hello po? Is this Mr. Rafael de Ramos?" Unti-unti ng nagsimulang gumapang ang takot sa akin.
"This is from ---- Hospital po. We've been trying to reach you since last day po to inform you about what happened to Ms. Celeste de Ramos." This is a hospital from Bohol.
It felt as if I am being crushed dahil sa mga naririnig ko. "What happened?" I was terrified to ask, kumakalabog na ang puso ko.
I just hope this is nothing serious.
"Sir kalma po, she's better now. Kailangan lang po na pumunta kayo dito to check on her."
Walang ano anong bumalik ako ng Bohol to look after her sa hospital. Sa byahe, natatakot ako dahil who knows what happened.
I couldn't even ask if she was conscious. Kaya nang dumating ako doon, pinuntahan ko agad siya.
Pagpasok ko palang ng pintuan ay nanikip ang dibdib ko from the sight of her, unconscious at may nakakabit na kung ano.
She looked fine, walang galos at walang mga pasa. Nanlambot ako dahil ngayon ko lang mas napansing she'd lost some weight.
I never want to lose you like this Celeste. Seeing her unconscious made me feel terrified.
It made me realize how I do not want to lose her in any way. It made me realize how badly I am in love with her and I am just too blinded by my anger, my jealousy and my issues.
I feel stupid, I feel useless, and I feel so scared because I never saw this coming and I never want this to happen to her because I still love Celeste.
"Kayo po ang guardian ni Ma'am Celeste?" I just nodded. The nurse explained to me everything. How she was rushed here sa hospital.
She was rushed here madaling araw na, some people found her car sa side road and she was there.
Unconscious, she was bleeding. Bumabaliktad ang sikmura at parang pinipiga ako habang iniiisip kung gaano kahirap ang nangyari for her.
Na ako lang ang pwede niyang tawagan pero I made myself unavailable for her.
Buntis siya, and she almost lost it.
This is my fault. I can't even hold her hand dahil sa guilt na nararamdaman ko. Ako lang ang tinawagan niya noong nahihirapan na siya.
And I wasn't there to help her. Truth is, kahit nakita ko iyong call niya, I'll probably just ignore it.
What if she lost it, hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.
This happened because she went through so much stress for the past few days, I also noticed how she wasn't eating properly at dahil 'yon sa akin pero wala akong ginawa. Naitulak ko pa siya reason why she hit her abdomen.
I can't fucking absorb all these properly, at naiinis ako sa sarili ko. She's three months pregnant, exact count since the first time we made love. Tang ina ko.
Pinagmasdan ko lang siya habang mahimbing ang kanyang tulog.
I badly want to punch myself because I can't bring myself to take better care of her dahil hindi ako mapakali.
Kasalanan ko ang lahat ng ito, for being too harsh on her, for being too hard, for pushing her away, for everything.
"Gumising ka na please." I uttered. She lost a little too much of her blood and the baby was barely surviving.
Please kumapit ka.
Hindi pa din nagssink in sa akin ang lahat.
It just started to sink in nang mapansin kong muli ang ipinayat niya. I was too busy ignoring her, ni hindi ko napansin o naisip na baka buntis siya. Hindi ko rin napansin na may bump na siya kahit sobrang liit pa lang. Hindi ko napapansin how she looked too pale, wala rin akong alam if she's having morning sickness, or any other signs of pregnancy.
And she was too busy chasing me.
I asked her to be gone from my life but not gone like this. I don't want this. Please don't let something bad happen to both of them.
"I promise to make it up to you Celeste, and our baby."
I whispered.
