Back For You (h.s)

Chapter 17 - Pleads

Emily lies on the bed, her chest rising and falling slowly. A shiver runs down my spine because completely still unlike the bubbly and happy Emily I grew up with my whole life. I stand at the door motionless; she looks broken. Her face pale and bruises litter her body like a field of poppies. She's going to come out of this situation a different person, as am I. This has changed us forever.

I walk over to the bedside and slowly sit down in the chair while examining every detail of her body. Her hair is like dark threads of gold, lacing and tangling their way around her flawless face. A small gash is on the upper left side of her forehead, a ghastly reminder of the force of the crash. Scabs line the left side of her face, like a cat's been scratching at the side of her complexion.

Emily's small hand lies over the edge of the bed, somehow reaching out for me, drawing me even closer to her. I lace my fingers with hers and give them a gentle squeeze.

"We'll make it through this, Emily. I know we can." Silent tears stream down my face, the reality of losing her crashes over me like a wave, caught in it's trap of endless twists and turns. Her never remembering me sends an ache through my heart.

"Emily, I miss you so much already, I don't know what I'd do without your laugh, your smile, your personality, your jokes. I just don't know what I'd do without you. Letting you go was the worst mistake I'd ever made, I should've fought for you, I'm so terrible. I wish I could have protected you.

"I should have never let you leave after you got that note, I should never have let you back in my life, because all of the attention will just put you at risk. I just want you to be safe. I want to be able to know that nothing has happened to you. But none of that is possible, because-" my voice cracks, " because I love you too much to let you go." I huff a tearful sigh and rest my head on my shaking hands.

"There are so many things out there I know about that could break you. Break us.... I'm just so afraid that all the stupid decisions that I've made that I thought were harmless would result in losing you. You are the most important thing to me. You are such a beautiful person Emily, you will never love yourself half as much as I love you. Just please; know that I will do anything to have you back.

"I love you."

I lean back in my chair and lean my head against the wall. Tears still stream down my face, I don't remember crying this much even when my parents told me I was getting a divorce when I was seven. But those tears were full of confusion and anger. Whereas, now these tears are full of passion, love and sorrow. I don't think I'll ever need something as much as I need Emily.

I reach into my pocket and pull out a journal that I have only ever shared with Emily and Gemma. I was given this by my mother when I turned ten. She had seen the capability of my music skills and wanted to nurture them and see them grow. I have written down all my song lyrics in this journal. These folds of brown leather hold all the emotion I have ever felt.

I reach for the pen on Emily's bedside table and begin to write a song about loss and love. Emily's face flashes through my head as I write this. Reminding me of all the memories we have ever shared together. Our first kiss being most evident. It was a cold winters day and Emily was over at my house. We were best friends back then, unsure of our feelings for each other.

We'd rugged up, layers upon layers were on out bodies. We walked through the endless fields of snow and ended up at the edge of the small forest. I took her hand and lead her through. She pulled me ahead but tripped forward on a piece of ice, sending me tumbling down on top of her. Our faces were inches apart, I could still remember the soft tickle of her warm breath against my nose. And I was sure that I was in love with my best friend without even knowing it.

I closed the gap and pressed my lips against hers, she didn't pull back, but pushed forward instead, her hands wrapping around my neck. I hadn't made any effort to deepen the kiss, because it was perfect. I remember pulling back and seeing the huge grin plastered across her face, mine probably mirroring hers.

I had helped her up and taken her back to my house, where I kissed her goodbye before she walked home. I smile at the memory, thankful for being able to find love so early. Being able to find Emily so early.

I looked down at the journal and realise that I have finished at least 2 verses. The sky outside is dimming and I need to go and get some rest at home. I get up to leave and walk towards the bed in which Emily lays. So quite.

I lean down and plant a soft kiss on her head. I stay leaned over for a few seconds. Savoring this moment, a moment I may never have again. I pull back a few inches and look down at her face.

Emily's crystal blue eyes connecting with mine.