Heaven or Hell (Sequel to "Love or Lust")

Chapter 16:

I leaned against the countertop silently, looking around the room at everyone who stared blankly at me. Ashley and the band sat at Rixton's kitchen table with Ariana on Ashley's lap. Rixton, Jax, and Patch continued playing video games in the living room, giving us time to talk.

"How'd you even find me?" I asked nervously, shocked at the fact that they did find me. CC folded his arms over his chest and huffed, muttering, "It wasn't easy."

"We looked everywhere for you." Ashley said aggravated, rolling his eyes. "We almost gave up until Ariana came back from vacation and offered to help." Ashley kissed Ariana's cheek, making her let out a small giggle. The laughter soon died down as they both glared at me angrily, and I took a deep breath.

"Look," I said calmly, "there's things-"

"You were going to leave us!" Jinxx cut in, his voice full of pain. I looked at him surprised. He never got emotional, he was always calm and collected. "You were going to leave us and the entire fan base behind!"

"How did you even-" I began, but was cut off by Jake as he spoke up as well. "Madison told us everything when we went to visit her at the hospital."

"What.." My voice dropped, "When?"

"Two or three days ago?" Jake said.

My jaw dropped. She shouldn't be in the hospital that long. She should've gotten out in two days tops. "But, the doctors said she would be fine.. They said she would recover from the shooting and then-"

"Andy, she wasn't still in there for the shooting incident," Ashley said calmly, looking at me worriedly. I swallowed hard, biting my lip nervously. I was so confused.

"Then, what was she there for?" I asked nervously. At those words, everyone froze. The band glanced around at eachother while Ariana looked down nervously, dodging all eye contact with me. I heard soft whispers coming from their lips but could not make out what they were trying to say. I looked at all of them anxiously, "What was she there for!"

"Andy," Ashley said quietly, "She was there on suicide watch." Everything froze after that. His words hung in the air for what felt like forever, and I couldn't get it out of my head. Suicide. Taking your own life. The love of my life tried ending her life. "She tried a few days after you left supposedly. Savanah rushed her over to the hospital, and they pumped her stomach. They saved her, just barely."

I felt my body go numb. My arms which were folded over my chest now fell limp at my sides as my mouth hung agape. It felt as if my heart had been shot at thousands of times and was then ripped from my entire body. My stomach was twisted in knots of anxiety and sadness I couldn't bare to handle. I felt as my chest slowly collapsed, causing my breathing to become hard and uneven.

"No.. No.." I breathed out.

"She's alive Andy," Jake said quietly.

"Barely," I spat back angrily. I wasn't angry at them. No, not at all. I wasn't angry at anyone but myself for letting this happen. "It's all my fault. She would've died because of me."

"Andy, why would you leave?" Ariana asked.

I shook my head. "I wanted to protect her, to protect everyone. If I went back, it would all end. Everything. Everyone would be okay."

"We wouldn't!" Ashley shouted, "We'd never see you again! The band would break up! The fan base would be broken! And Madison," Ashley paused, "Madison couldn't last a few days without you, how would she last a whole life without you?"

I closed my eyes, breathing out. "I just, I don't want anyone getting hurt anymore. I don't want-Ah!" I cut myself off with a scream as I fell to the floor, pain shooting up my arm. I clutched at my wrist as a searing burning pain washed up against my left wrist, making my whole arm shake. "Ah! Ashley-ah!-help!"