After

            Have you ever wondered what happens after you die? I know I did. And now you know. Well, kind of. You haven't really been anywhere yet. But if you keep reading, this little guide will tell you everything you need to know.

My name, at least at the time when I'm writing this, is Eve. Yes, yes, I know, I said "at this time". Don't worry about it. I'll get to that.

So anyway, to put it simply, you're dead.

Don't freak out, it happens to everybody. Just keep reading, and we'll get through this together.

Hey! HEY! I said calm down! It's not as bad as you think. God, this happens every time. Why are they always nutjobs...

No, no, carry on with your panic attack. I can wait.

Are you seriously still... Jesus. Look, if it's any consolation, I'll tell you how I went.

It was a nice, sunny day. I was sitting in a park, waiting on my boyfriend. Then a truck ran over me. It was quick. Very sticky situation. Haha, get it? No? Okay, nevermind.

What about you? You were swimming with sharks? Ooh, that's a nasty way to go. Wait, it wasn't the sharks? Oh, you drowned. That's ironic.

Welp, enough of the niceties. Let's get back to business. You should see a door to your left. Your other left. There we go. Okay, now go through the door. Okay, great. You should be in a smallish, white room. Now comes the important part. You see that little pedestal in the middle of the floor. Yep, walk up to it. There's going to be some buttons with labels on them.

DON'T PUSH THAT! Jesus Christ, you scared me. Just— don't do that yet. I've got to explain some stuff first.

Okay, there should be five buttons and a sixth one that's not lit up a bit lower down. These are you options. This moment, right now, is where you decide your fate. Yeah, I know. It sounds pretty heavy. One time I mentored this guy who had a breakdown right about now and didn't decide for days. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to stay here with him the entire time. I didn't really like him that much.

So yeah. Buttons. I'll go through each one and explain them the best I can, and hopefully you will make a good choice that benefits us both.

'What do you mean?', I hear you say. Well, the thing is, I am you. And you are me. Crazy, yes I know. I wrote this book thing the last time I was here to help me/you out the next time I got here. Seems to be working pretty good so far.

So I am kind of a past version of you. Kind of. That's what I meant when I said that my name is Eve this time. In this realm, time is a little wonky, so you could be a past, present, or future version of me. And by present, I mean that you could be reading this at the same time I'm writing it. You understand what I mean when I say time is wonky here? It's confusing, I know. Best not to dwell on it.

Back to the buttons. The first one is labeled "Redo". It's a pretty simple concept. Basically, if you press this button, you get to live the life you just had exactly as it happened before. For example, if I had pressed this button, I would live out my life exactly as it had happened before. And then I would get run over by a truck again. Obviously, I did not press that button because one: I did not want to get run over by a truck again. Two: I didn't really have an interesting life. Now the kicker with this one is that obviously, you don't remember any of this or your previous life. That would be cheating, now wouldn't it?

Next up is "Reincarnation". It's pretty much self-explanatory. You press the button, you get reincarnated. Can't really guarantee that it will be human, but you get to be alive, nonetheless. Lots of people choose this option, because, you know, chance to live again and all that. Can't blame 'em, really.

Okay, for the third button, we have "Limbo". This is also a really popular pick for people. If you don't want to go back, but don't want to stay in this room, then this is the choice for you! It's sort of like a place where you can procrastinate forever. If you choose this button, you get whirled away to outside of this room! Magical, I know. It's kind of like Earth, except you can't exactly die. Most people just keep on doing whatever they were doing before they died. So that means that there's a lot of cool tech and literature that they don't have on Earth. You can get a job if you don't want to keep on doing your thing. That's what I did. I help out the new guys whenever they pop into this room. Sometimes there's a little downtime, and that's when I write in this book. It's a pretty decent existence, but obviously not on the same level as heaven and all that.

Now, one of the perks of choosing Limbo is that if you get tired of it, you get to come back here and make your choice again! Pretty neat, huh? Like I said, it's just a place where you can procrastinate forever.

Alright, now we're moving on to the more permanent stuff. Fourth on the list is "Ghost". If you pick this one, you become a ghost. Yeah, definitely didn't see that one coming... So basically you go back to Earth as a ghost, and you can't ever come back here. You are a ghost until the end of time. However, you do get to watch all the humans doing whatever they're doing, and you can see and talk to the other ghosts. For some reason, a lot of people a couple hundred years ago chose this one, so you'll see a lot of them. Weird, I know.

Okay, last one. Kind of. "Nothing". This one is a biggie. If you hate your existence, never want to come here again, and want to just end it all, this is your button. If you push it, it's just like blowing out a candle. You're gone, and there is no coming back. For all we know. You might just float around endlessly in the void with nothing but your thoughts, but how would we know? No one ever comes back.

This last one, "Salvation", is like a bonus round. See how the button isn't lit up like the others? That's because you're not eligible for it yet. See, you have to go through Reincarnation a certain number of times for it to light up. I think it's like a thousand times or something. I don't know. But anyway, it's sort of a gamble. Remember all the promises of heaven and hell when you were alive? That's what that button leads to. See, which one you go to depends on how many lives you had that were good, and how many you had that were evil. If the good outweighs the bad, you get to go to heaven and experience eternal bliss. But if the opposite is true, well, you get the idea. The thing is, you don't know which one you'll go to because you don't remember your past lives when you come here. That's why it's risky. A lot of people don't want to take that risk, so the button doesn't get pushed that often. But you don't have to worry about that, because you can't push it! So don't sweat it.

Okay, that should cover everything. Any questions? No? Okay great. Now you get to make your decision. Remember, your choice is final (unless you choose Limbo. In that case it's not). Got one? Good.

Well, I think this is goodbye. I hope you enjoy whatever you chose. See you on the flip side, kiddo.

Click.