Suicide Sisters

34

Kiya sat in the passenger seat, her heart racing as she pushed the adoption papers away.

"I'm not signing that" she declared, waving them off as if they were a pesky fly. The sunlight streamed through the windshield, casting a warm glow over her and Zed, but the mood inside the car felt anything but sunny. "Get that out of my face, boy."

Zed sighed, his frustration palpable. "Phat" he murmured, using the nickname he had lovingly given her, a mixture of affection and exasperation.

"I'm not adopting Nia. The agency will deny us the moment they realize we haven't known each other long and that my mental health isn't stable enough to take her on. That's something we'd need to revisit down the line in the future... after marriage. Let's get a Build-A-Bear or a puppy; that'll be our baby."

"When do you think you'll be ready for me?" Zed's question hung in the air, heavy with meaning. Kiya turned to him, tilting her head, searching his face for answers.

Leaning back in the driver's seat, Zed glanced at her as he changed lanes, his hand resting gently on her thigh.

"When we laid up, you filled my head with fantasies of what our future will look like, giving me something to look forward to. But whenever I'm trying to put it in motion, you act like you don't know what's happening. Your health is fine; you are better than you were when we met. Your father can vouch for that. If you're not ready, just say that. Don't lie to me, Phat."

"It's not an excuse; it's how I feel. I don't feel like feeding myself most days—"

"It's normal to feel lazy, to not have the strength some days to do basic tasks. These are things that make us human. Everyone has sad days; you are not an exception" he countered gently.

"I hear you, Zedddie. I still don't want to adopt her. At least not for now. I'm happy with the three of us spending more time together." She glanced at her nails, mumbled, "I kind of want my first kid to be mine. Adopting her would mean she'll live with us, which also means I'll have to move out of my apartment because I believe children should grow up in a two-parent household if said parents are in love—which we are. It's no disrespect to you or Nia; I love her like she's my own blood. It's just—that'll be a new lifestyle for me, and I'd like to make that change if possible with my body along with my mindset. I'm all for it, after marriage and a child of our own."

"This is the stuff you should be telling me. I don't like not knowing how to move forward with you. Shit feels like we're not getting anywhere but everywhere at the same time."

"I'm sorry, Baby" she replied softly.

"Mhm, just act like my fiancé like you're supposed to" he said, turning into the mall parking lot with urgency. He hopped out, shutting off the engine. "C'mon, Mama."

"Did you schedule us an appointment at the photo studio? Couldn't have if you picked this lazy fit for me. What are we getting?" Kiya asked, stepping out of the high-rise SUV with his help, her curiosity piqued.

"Build-A-Bear" he declared.

"Yay!" she gasped, doing a quick happy dance. "Classic brown bear! What kind of clothes, Zeddie? Boy or girl?"

Zed took a moment to view the options, choosing the pink princess dress in front of him.

"She's a girl, okay? Period. Any names?" Kiya replied, her excitement bubbling over.

"Zenani"

"Mmcht, that's our baby name. Pick another one" she nudged him toward the stuffing station, a smile forming on his lips.

"Nah, use it. We'll give her the bear when she's born" he insisted.

"I can see her ignoring us and saying she thought we were talking to the bear already." Kiya shook her head with a smile as she watched the employee fluff and patch up the bear before handing it over. "Thank you."

"Liamani" Zed shrugged.

"I like it, with a dash in the middle. Super cute and different. We should definitely use that as Nani's middle name" she said, her heart swelling with joy.

"You taking my last name?" he asked, a playful glint in his eye.

"Duh, unless you want mine? We can choose a new one to be honest. Ja'Kiya Royal sounds lovely, though. I'm glad your mom gave you your dad's last name. It's fitting."

"I'm only asking because you've told me men in your family take on the woman's last name" he replied.

"Yeah, I don't care about that honestly. Yours sounds so good; I want it. Mrs. Royal mhm, she sounds so sexy, doesn't she, Mr. Royal?"

"Mhm" Zed smirked down at her, licking over his bottom lip as he imagined their future together.

"Lia'mani is such a pretty name" Kiya said, fanning her eyes with a chuckle as she typed out the bear's full name. "Why am I about to cry?"

"'Cause you're animated as hell" he laughed, leaning down to kiss her cheek. He handed her his wallet. "Pay for this; I'm gonna go use the restroom real quick."

Kiya's heart sank at his departure. Grasping the ends of his shirt, she shook her head. "I'm almost done. Don't leave me. I—"

"Ma, relax. It's across the hall. There are only three other people in here. You can check out by yourself; don't think too much about it."

As Zed left, Kiya's ears began to heat up. She made her way to the register, her hands shaking as she lifted Lia'mani to place her on the counter. Her mouth felt dry, her tongue making a weak attempt to bring back moisture. Her eyes watered as the woman behind the counter asked her questions that barely registered in her mind.

Sucking in a breath, she fumbled through Zed's wallet, pulling out his debit card with her face on it. It was a small gesture, to make her want to use his card instead of hers. It felt like the weight of the world rested on her shoulders.

I'm going to kill him

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