How I Been

Part 4.8

Jamal woke up to the sound of soft humming.

For a moment, he thought he was still dreaming. Everything felt slow and heavy, the edges of his mind blurred with exhaustion. His body ached deep in his bones, a throbbing soreness stitched into the cut of the C-section. His throat was dry. His head spun. But underneath all of that... there was humming. Gentle. Like the soft, broken notes of an old love song played through a cracked radio speaker.

For half a second, he was fourteen again; hiding in a corner of his friend's room, sneaking music when he wasn't supposed to, holding onto every tender lyric like it could save him from the real world outside. He blinked the memory away, forcing his eyes open.

And there they were.

Tiny. Perfect. Fragile. His babies.

Nita sat close by, quietly dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. Behind her, Xander gripped the back of her chair like he needed it to stay standing. Adonis and Damien hovered near the door, whispering in low voices, stealing glances at Jamal like they were waiting for him to break.

They knew he was strong. he had proved it time and time again, but that didn't stop the worry from tightening their faces.

Nita noticed him stirring first. She stood up quickly, a tearful smile breaking through.

"You're awake," she said, voice thick with emotion she didn't bother hiding. "Baby, look... look who's here."

Jamal pushed through the haze, shifting just enough to see the two tiny babies resting in incubators beside his bed. One wrapped in a light blue blanket, the other in pink. His heart squeezed so tight he thought he might pass out. His babies. His. Alive.

He looked in Kaia's incubator first and she looked fast asleep. His knuckles closed. He noticed the little rash on her face and he fought to keep the worry at bay. He knew babies come out with rashes and he knew the doctors and nurses will make sure everything was okay before they left the hospital. The irrational fear that maybe that rash could lead to more crept into his mind. The fear weighed heavily on his lungs, sharp and irrational but he forced himself to breath through it.

He looked at Zamari to see that he was wide awake. Kicking his legs staring up at lord knows what. He looked content. Jamal also noticed the rashes on Zamari's forehead and sighed relieved that they both had it, which means it's just normal birth rashes.

Tears pricked at his eyes before he could even speak.

"Zamari and Kaia," Nita said softly, reaching out to touch his hand. "They're beautiful, Jamal. They're strong. Just like you." Jamal looked up at Nita and tried to smile. His babies were definitely beautiful. He couldn't believe they came from him. He and Hector created something so remarkable.

To think back to when he was afraid of who he was. Of his abilities to reproduce. He couldn't imagine the shame he felt because now all he feels is happiness and awestruck.

Jamal swallowed hard, trying to nod. He wanted to get up, to hold them, to kiss their tiny foreheads. But the ache in his body held him down, and the ache in his heart, the missing piece, was even heavier.

Hector wasn't here.

Jamal had to tell himself 'not for long' because soon Hector will also be by their side. A week and a half. 8 days to be exact. They've been apart for six going on seven months. What's a little messily 8 days going to do?.... Right? He thought.

The room, as full as it was with love, felt too big without him. Jamal closed his eyes for a second, steadying himself, before whispering, "Can I—can I call him?"