Want to play a game Jigsaw?
The game is, seeing me write it all down and acknowledge it but not be able to do it/feel it. Cruel, evil, cynical, a trap...literally like a trap Jigsaw would make for somebody. God's jigsaw trap with me is love. Why would one fight for something they supposedly hate so much (in reference to Jigsaw making that trap for the suicidal person and sardonically referencing that this should be what they want, since they already wanted to die, why fight for your life). Why rely on a God who you claim to despise so much (referencing me)? A lot of why's. A lot of contradictions. A lot of hypocrisy. A lot of me. You already know the answer, because maybe, maybe, deep down I am not the person I think I am. But you only have one life and it should not be ruined/burdened by me or spent waiting to see what you supposedly see in me. (https://allpoetry.com/poem/18427563-From-Afar--away-from-the-curse-of-me-by-iojob). But if you do not believe me when I say that you are projecting your own glory onto me, since I do not have the credentials, here are words from smarter people who are saying the same thing (since sometimes I can say things but it does not fully hit the same as somebody with better credentials saying the same thing and sometimes you may think that I am being biased or not being fair to myself, sooo here are smarter people who do not know either of us and are not me), "The potential you see in other people isn't real. What you see is the projection of what you would do in their position". And here is another, "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done". I will even back it up scientifically for you.
More smart people, "The potential you see in others is a projection of what you would do in their position."
Projection Theory (Freud, 1894): We unconsciously project our own traits, motivations, and capacities onto others. This aligns with the idea that seeing "potential" in someone is often a reflection of our own ambitions or capabilities.
Mirror Neurons (Rizzolatti et al., 1990s): These brain cells activate both when we act and when we observe others acting, suggesting we simulate others' actions through our own internal lens.
Quote: "We see the world not as it is, but as we are." — Anaïs Nin.
"We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, others judge us by what we have done."
Actor-Observer Bias (Jones & Nisbett, 1971): We attribute our own actions to intentions and circumstances, but judge others by observable behavior. Thus, we value our unseen potential, while others rely on visible proof.
Impression Formation Theory (Asch, 1946): First impressions and observable traits dominate how others assess us—our inner potential remains unknown to them.
Quote: "The self is more than the sum of observable behaviors." — Carl Rogers (paraphrased from humanistic theory).
I am sorry that you ever had to deal with me. And the poem that I linked is called "From Afar, away from the curse of me" just in case the attached link does not work. Sorry for everything I did not say or for what the mind did not allow me to remember to say or do. This is not goodbye, at all, just coping. I can even find more smart people to back up claims here. Or just find other ways to say things for it to be understood. Because my words and actions can oftentimes fall short of their intended mark. Alright, enough of me. Here is my way of coping.
To preface this.
This is going to be raw.
Unfiltered.
Not distilled
and just plain and-.
You asked me if this was how I was coping
when I said that I had already unfortunately written out a reality
that made the most sense to me
and expressed it,
I was actually telling the truth when saying
that it was nowhere near coping.
If you want to see coping
then look no further than this right here.
She will one day be blessed with a love
that does not force her to feel like it is conquest
but feels like home.
She will find a home where she can rest in
and not have to leave like shift work
and come to at a certain time.
But a home where she can just sit
and relax
and rest within
and know that she does not have to be bombarded
with the world and what it all has.
