I have caused you too much pain
and as I was reminded in my head
of all that I had done
and all that I had caused
I realized—
I am indeed more of a burden to you than anything.
I am a pain,
I am horrible,
I am cynical,
I am evil.
I have caused you pain constantly—
and in the trinity of how people love and break—
romantically,
platonically,
intimately.
More pain than good,
and it has revealed itself slowly to me.
I cannot live with myself
knowing that I bring ache
to someone good.
You are good,
and I was/am
everything wrong with everything.
I wanted to say
that when you constantly spoke about me returning
to that community,
it was what tore at me—
that it became too much—
but that would be another half-truth.
The truth is,
it was me.
I became too much.
Sorry forever. Life is better for all without me in their respective lives.
I do nothing but cause pain,
and tonight,
I am finally still enough
to see it.
I am sorry that you ever had to deal with me.
I remain alive but wondering why anybody likes me.
